Monday, April 28, 2003, Chandigarh, India





National Capital Region--Delhi

E D I T O R I A L   P A G E


EDITORIALS

Denials won’t do
W
HENEVER there is talk of restoring peace, the various militant groups operating in Jammu and Kashmir step up the scale of killing in the region, the attack on the Radio Kashmir complex being the latest such incident. Last year a major exercise was undertaken for restoring peace and the rule of law by holding assembly elections.

Tehelka in Punjab
T
HE Tehelka-type expose of policemen in Ludhiana has brought into sharp focus the police-criminal nexus in the state. The Punjab police has ordered an enquiry into the circumstances leading to the video-recording of how the guardians of law have been behaving, that too in a blatant manner.

Call pilots’ bluff
T
HE Air-India management has taken the right decision in suspending 12 pilots on Saturday for their abject defiance of its instructions to call off their strike and resume duty. The strike on the issue of the Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome is unwarranted. Of particular concern is the attitude of the Indian Pilots’ Guild and the Air-India Cabin Crew Association which have asked their members not to fly to Kuwait, Singapore and Hong Kong.



EARLIER ARTICLES

THE TRIBUNE SPECIALS
50 YEARS OF INDEPENDENCE

TERCENTENARY CELEBRATIONS
OPINION

No free lunch for schoolchildren?
Punjab should take the lead in mid-day meal scheme
A. J. Philip
O
N a visit to Patna, Bishop Joseph Mar Irenaeus of the Mar Thoma Syrian Church suddenly expressed a desire to visit the Patna Saheb gurdwara associated with Guru Gobind Singh. The moment we reached the gurdwara, one of the security staff scurried to the head priest to inform him about our unexpected arrival. Within minutes, the head priest was taking us around the historic gurdwara and explaining why the Sikhs considered it as important as Anandpur Saheb.

MIDDLE

The tele-shopping experience!
S. Zahur H. Zaidi
M
Y wife lives by the slogan, “When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping!” Measured by this standard, I must admit I am a wimp. I hate shopping. In fact, if I am ever found guilty of committing some heinous offence, the judge will probably sentence me to five years of hard shopping in Sector 17, Chandigarh.

ANALYSIS

Uphaar verdict rekindles hope in Dabwali
Chander Parkash
I
T was on December 23, 1995, when a fire broke out at Dabwali’s Rajiv Marriage Palace in which 442 human lives, mostly children, were lost. The scars of the tragedy remain even after more than seven years. However, the concern of the state agencies towards the plight of the survivors is on the wane. Many victims of the fire, which broke out during the annual function of DAV School, suffer from psychiatric disorders and are getting treatment.

Songs turned into sobs
T
HE following are excerpts from the book "Tragedy and After" written by Gurtej, who lost his entire family comprising his wife, 11-year-old son and 8-year-old daughter in the Dabwali fire.

TRENDS & POINTERS

Don’t be too mean
Barbara Ellen
E
MOTIONAL skiving is just like any kind of skiving, in the workplace or anywhere — you just try to look as busy as possible while avoiding anything that looks like it might be even remotely related to hard work. The opposite of skiving is presenteeism. We all know those people who seem to arrive in the office before the cleaners and leave only when the boss has gone home.

SPIRITUAL NUGGETS



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Denials won’t do

WHENEVER there is talk of restoring peace, the various militant groups operating in Jammu and Kashmir step up the scale of killing in the region, the attack on the Radio Kashmir complex being the latest such incident. Last year a major exercise was undertaken for restoring peace and the rule of law by holding assembly elections. It was good news for the people who wanted to express their faith in parliamentary democracy, but bad news for the militants who were selling to the global community the story of state repression to justify their destructive agenda. The fact of the matter is that India did a magnificent job of holding free and fair elections in Jammu and Kashmir, under the shadow of the militants' gun, as it were. It did rattle Pakistan and its militant groups spread out in Kashmir. In the end, it was the power of the ballot that prevailed over the destructive potential of the bullet. The international community applauded India and the Kashmiris for going through the exercise in spite of the militants' diktat to the people to boycott the poll. The latest incidents of suicide attacks and targeting of security personnel and civilians alike indicate panic among the militants. This time the reason for the panic is the possibility of Pakistan being forced into accepting India's fresh offer of dialogue for the settlement of disputes between the two neighbours. US Secretary of State Colin Powell spoke to Pakistan President Pervez Musharraf after the latest round of mayhem in Kashmir and expressed his disappointment over the continued Pakistani support to the militants in Kashmir.

The initiative for reviving the peace process gained momentum after Prime Minister Atal Behari Vajpayee's successful two-day trip to Srinagar. The militants tried to sabotage Mr Vajpayee's visit. It was a diplomatic coup by India. To talk of restoring peace in Jammu and Kashmir or to make the offer of resuming talks with Pakistan, sitting in Delhi would not have had the same impact as it had when the Prime Minister extended the hand of friendship to the Pakistan President, at a public rally in Srinagar. He put the disappointment of Lahore and Agra behind him, and that is what statesmen are expected to do. The applause that he received was as important as the message. Each clap from the crowd was an endorsement of India's position on Kashmir and its offer of unconditional talks with Pakistan. It was also a message to the militants to pack up and leave so that the people of Jammu and Kashmir could take charge of their land and rediscover for the world the lost paradise that lies buried in the rubble of decades of militancy. If Pakistan is serious about accepting India's offer of resurrecting the process for solving the Kashmir dispute, it must call back the contract killers from the valley. The Pakistan-sponsored proxy war must end for giving peace an honest chance to triumph. Denying any role in whipping up violence in Kashmir will not do.
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Tehelka in Punjab

THE Tehelka-type expose of policemen in Ludhiana has brought into sharp focus the police-criminal nexus in the state. The Punjab police has ordered an enquiry into the circumstances leading to the video-recording of how the guardians of law have been behaving, that too in a blatant manner. It has already been officially admitted that certain junior police personnel have been helping satta operators and that they will not be spared. And that means the matter may end there. Something more that may happen in the process is that the criminals who decided to spill the beans to settle scores with the police may also find themselves in serious trouble. No one will object to these people getting the punishment they deserve. The matter should, however, be taken to its logical conclusion if we want to tame the demon called corruption, threatening to destroy the system from within.

The Punjab government headed by Capt Amarinder Singh, which began its tenure with a drive against corruption in a big way, should immediately order a CBI enquiry into the Ludhiana incident to ensure that those involved are not able to escape the clutches of the law. The police enquiry will be meaningless as those assigned the task cannot be expected to be impartial when their own colleagues are to be questioned and proceeded against. Since the gamblers too have sought a CBI probe through a writ petition in the Punjab and Haryana High Court it would be in the fitness of things if the government entrusts the job to the premier investigating agency of the country. Actually, there is no better way to go deeper into the matter and punish the guilty, irrespective of their official position. The problem is not as simple as it appears on the tapes. The arrested policemen have alleged that certain senior police officers of Punjab along with a politician and an advocate had been behind what has become public today. This shows that what has been exposed may be the proverbial tip of the iceberg. No policeman at the lower rung of the hierarchy can muster courage to behave the way the cops did at the Ludhiana gambling den. It is also common knowledge that the collections done at the thana level are distributed among all, from top to bottom. One hopes this significant development on the corruption front does not lead to merely punishing the satta operators and a few lower-level police personnel as a cover-up exercise. The tapes are, in any case, an indicting comment on the functioning of the entire Punjab police.
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Call pilots’ bluff

THE Air-India management has taken the right decision in suspending 12 pilots on Saturday for their abject defiance of its instructions to call off their strike and resume duty. The strike on the issue of the Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome (SARS) is unwarranted. Of particular concern is the attitude of the Indian Pilots’ Guild (IPG) and the Air-India Cabin Crew Association (AICCA) which have asked their members not to fly to Kuwait, Singapore and Hong Kong. There is little to justify an action of this kind at a time when Air-India’s finances are not in good shape. The pilots have not only acted in a hamhanded manner but also abdicated their responsibility by refusing to fly to West Asia and the Far-East. Their irresponsible action has resulted in the disruption of several international flights. Notwithstanding Air-India’s clarification, the authorities have cancelled flights to several countries. While A-I flights to the US and the UK took off on Saturday, those to SARS-affected countries like Singapore, Hong Kong, Dubai and Kuwait were cancelled. Consequently, A-I had to arrange hotel accommodation to over 200 stranded passengers. One can well imagine the crores of rupees the carrier will lose following the strike.

IPG secretary Vikran Sanasare’s claims about two A-I pilots having tested positive for SARS are far-fetched and not convincing as he has refused to divulge the names, the location or the hospital where the pilots were tested for SARS. The same is the case with his president, Mr K. Khan’s conduct in the episode. For instance, it is said that even though he has refused to fly the aircraft from Paris, he returned by the same flight with the same crew, about whom he has been demanding a certificate to the effect that they have not travelled to any place infected by SARS. What should one say about these highly-paid pilots if they do not see reason, go on a flash strike at the drop of a hat, and hold the entire organisation to ransom? What should one say when the pilots, who were being claimed to have tested positive for SARS, are not quarantined and continue to stay with their families? The government should come down heavily on them by calling their bluff. They should be made accountable for the loss they have caused to the national carrier. It is the kidglove treatment that they have been getting so far which emboldens them to go on such catcall strikes.
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No free lunch for schoolchildren?
Punjab should take the lead in mid-day meal scheme
A. J. Philip

ON a visit to Patna, Bishop Joseph Mar Irenaeus of the Mar Thoma Syrian Church suddenly expressed a desire to visit the Patna Saheb gurdwara associated with Guru Gobind Singh. The moment we reached the gurdwara, one of the security staff scurried to the head priest to inform him about our unexpected arrival. Within minutes, the head priest was taking us around the historic gurdwara and explaining why the Sikhs considered it as important as Anandpur Saheb. When it was time for us to leave as the Bishop had to catch an afternoon flight, the priest would not let us go until we partook of the langar. We had to wait for another 15 minutes before hot puris and a vegetable dish arrived. We never knew that puris were so delicious. Mind you, the food was not specially cooked for the bishop as it came from the community kitchen.

Ever since Guru Angad, who succeeded Guru Nanak, established the langar at Khadur, community kitchen has been a great institution of the Sikhs. There are now many Hindu temples in Punjab and Haryana where too langar is organised on a regular basis. It was, therefore, quite a shock to learn that Punjab was tardy in the implementation of the Supreme Court’s order to provide cooked food to the students of government and government-aided primary schools. Various stratagems are being employed to circumvent the order, which would have provided one wholesome meal a day to the students.

What’s worse, this is happening in a state which takes pride in its tradition of serving food to the needy. As reported in The Tribune on April 21, mid-day meal is provided only in some select schools in the state and that too on an experimental basis. In other words, the Supreme Court order is being wantonly flouted. Should that happen in a state where reports of foodgrains rotting or farmers threatening to dump their potato produce on the roads, rather than sell it at an uneconomical price, are routine? Punjab is, of course, one of the richest states in the country and it may even be argued that the students in the state do not need mid-day meals to supplement their regular diet.

How hollow such an argument is borne out by the report The Tribune carried last week quoting figures presented to Parliament that nine per cent of the children in the state below three years were malnourished. Ask any doctor serving in the state and he or she will tell you that anaemia is a common health problem in the villages. Notwithstanding the sight of the latest models of vehicles on the roads of Punjab and Haryana, there have been several instances of suicides by farmers. Even cases of people selling off their daughters to clear their financial debts have been reported. If anything, this suggests that mid-day meal is as much a requirement in the government schools in Punjab as it is in the schools in, say, Bihar or Uttar Pradesh.

The authorities in the state have now hit upon the idea of providing matthi to the children on the ground that it is easier to cook, preserve and serve. It is also touted that the children could eat it in the school or carry it home. One of the arguments in favour of matthi is that it obviates the risk of food poisoning associated with cooked food. The incident when some children were taken ill after they consumed food provided at a school in Punjab some years ago is often cited. Now one question: Have we ever heard about people falling ill after taking food served at any of the countless langars in the state? Has there been even a single instance of rotten food being served, for instance, at the Golden Temple during the 500 years of its existence? No, it does not happen because the people consider serving food a religious obligation and a way of serving God. This is precisely the reason why the langars will continue even if the Captain Amarinder Singh government does not provide sales tax exemption on the food material purchased for use in the langar.

Now another question, why can’t the adherence to quality and hygiene shown in the preparation and serving of food in the gurdwaras be practiced when food is cooked and served to children in the schools? Why should there be fear of food poisoning in the schools when there is no such fear about the langars? And why should children be deprived of cooked, wholesome food on this account? It is not uncommon to hear complaints that the government has no money to implement this programme in all the target schools in the state. But no such complaints are heard when the Punjab legislators show rare unanimity in providing themselves hefty perks and fabulous salaries and the Chief Minister spends crores of rupees on his air travels even within the state which can be criss-crossed comfortably in a few hours in a car.

In the seventies when the mid-day meal scheme was introduced by the M.G. Ramachandran ministry in Tamil Nadu, it was considered a crazy, populist scheme. But, over the years, it has proved successful in improving the health of children, retaining them in schools and thereby reducing the drop-out rate, which in the case of Punjab is as high as 22.15 per cent at the primary level. The state is rich but even now 33.5 per cent children at the primary stage do not see the inside of a school. It is for precisely this reason that the apex court has ordered its implementation in all government and government-aided primary schools.

Needless to say, one good meal a day will go a long way in the physical and mental development of children. Is this very expensive? An NGO with which I was associated for some time started a school in an interior, supercyclone-affected village in Orissa. In the first month, it had on its rolls 29 students, most of whom belonged to the Scheduled Castes. They were taken care of by a headmistress and an ayah who also cooked a meal for them. The meal consisted of rice and dalma, a popular dish in Orissa made of dal and cut vegetables. On alternate days, egg or shrimp (cultivated in that area) curry was also provided to the children. As a result, one parent told me that his daughter would get up early in the morning and would pester him to take her to the school. Attendance in the school was 100 per cent and there was considerable improvement in their health. What’s more, their performance in studies was comparable, if not better, with the performance of their counterparts in better-off schools.

One condition the NGO insisted on was that the teacher and the ayah should eat the same food along with the children and no leftover food should be preserved and the utensils washed and kept upside down. It was not unusual for village elders to join the children in their lunch as I too did once. Do you know, how much all this cost in one month? A little over Rs 3,000 and that too without any subsidy on any food material. What does this prove? The argument that the state cannot afford to provide cooked food to all the schoolchildren is humbug. It is time Punjab, which has the hallowed tradition of the langar, took the lead in implementing the mid-day meal scheme, instead of looking for ways to circumvent the Supreme Court order.
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The tele-shopping experience!
S. Zahur H. Zaidi

MY wife lives by the slogan, “When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping!” Measured by this standard, I must admit I am a wimp. I hate shopping. In fact, if I am ever found guilty of committing some heinous offence, the judge will probably sentence me to five years of hard shopping in Sector 17, Chandigarh.

I didn’t always feel this way about shopping. In fact, I enjoy shopping but only on TV. The tele marts, sky shops and tele-shopping companies are delightful treat for me.

These commercials have given the Indian consumer such outstanding products like the Tummy Squeezer, Fundoo Abs and Vegematic (“It slices! It dices”) All these items would be advertised on late night television with a series of grandiose claims culminating with the magical words, “And it really, really works! If you are not satisfied, you return the product in seven days and we refund all your money.”

The prices for all tele mart items would always be something memorable like Rs 2999 or Rs 1599. The announcer would enthusiastically say something like, “Yes, millions have bought the Home Barber Kit for Rs 199, but if you order NOW on this toll free number, you can have one only for Rs 159! If you order two, you get another one absolutely free! So ORDER NOW!!”

Last month I ordered a Vegematic for my wife. I would like to claim that it “really, really worked,” but I remember that I broke it when I tried to dice an ordinary fresh capsicum.

Now I don’t claim to be a consumer affairs reporter, but I have been recently enlightened by a friend who lives in America about a product worthy of a late night commercial. Believe it or not, there is a product called “Pregaphone” on the American market. It is a “communication device” that is attached to the abdomen of a pregnant lady and by using the Pregaphone, Mommy and Daddy can talk to their unborn child “in-utero”.

Can you imagine the wonderful use this product will serve? First, it will help parents “bond” with their child as soon as possible. In case you are unaware, modern Indian parents are into “bonding” these days. Bonding has nothing to do with the famous Fevicol ka jod. It is a term for the emotional attachment between the child and the parents. Ekta Kapoor’s serials are working after all.

Middle class parents feel it is important to reach out and touch their baby, so to speak, as soon as possible after conception. Many of them are convinced that the fetus can hear and recognise the voices of Mommy and Daddy long before birth.

Second, the Pregaphone will help the parents start educating the child as soon as possible. Here again the marketeers of the device can hit a responsive Indian middle class chord. We firmly believe that it is never too early to start educating our children.

Consider this: At the moment of conception your child is only three years and nine months away from the all important examination of his lifetime the entrance test to his nursery school. It is never too soon to start preparing for this important event. With the Pregaphone you could start teaching your fetus and give him as much as a nine month head start over the other children in the neighbourhood.

I haven’t seen a Pregaphone. I have only heard about it. But I am convinced it is bound to be a big hit in India. I can only imagine what a late night commercial will sound like: “Yes the amazing Pregaphone! The gift for a woman who has everything and probably wishes she had a whole lot less! It is based on the same principle used by the hero of Mahabharat-Arjuna, who taught his son Abhimanyu in-utero, the art of demolishing a Chakravyuh!!

Yes, with the amazing Pregaphone you could talk to your baby even before they enter the world! Teach him to read, add, multiply, divide and sing. Teach him grammar, history, geography and elocution. Give him the head start he deserves———AND IT REALLY WORKS!!

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ANALYSIS

Uphaar verdict rekindles hope in Dabwali
Chander Parkash

Dabwali revisited: Memories of the horror and the pain still linger
Dabwali revisited: Memories of the horror and the pain still linger

IT was on December 23, 1995, when a fire broke out at Dabwali’s Rajiv Marriage Palace in which 442 human lives, mostly children, were lost. The scars of the tragedy remain even after more than seven years. However, the concern of the state agencies towards the plight of the survivors is on the wane. Many victims of the fire, which broke out during the annual function of DAV School, suffer from psychiatric disorders and are getting treatment.

There is not a single family in the subdivisional town of Dabwali which has not lost a relative, a friend or an acquaintance. The tragedy also brought to the fore core human values as the town turned into a big family. The residents were united in grief. With the passage of time, this spirit of oneness has been on the decline. A number of associations have come up to help the victims, but each follows its own agenda. The gathering at the function organised annually on December 23 in memory of the lost ones has been thinning year after year. Driven by pain and neglect, four victims have committed suicide and 10 saw their marriages break up.

One Seema, whose both legs were amputated, was promised a job by the then government. She did her B. Ed. after the tragedy and got married to a local boy. But she has not got any job. Many others who were promised jobs, keep making rounds of offices, but in vain. "We are humiliated by ruling politicians whenever we go to them for jobs for our wards," say the kin of fire victims.

The only facility the fire victims are getting is free treatment in hospitals located in Punjab, Haryana, Chandigarh and Delhi. This too was given on the orders of the Punjab and Haryana High Court. Besides, Rs 1 lakh was given to the next of kin of each deceased and Rs 50,000 each to those injured. Government jobs were given to two or three victims during Mr Bansi Lal's tenure.

Dr Dharminder Jayani, a psychiatrist in the local Civil Hospital, points out that about 2,000 residents, affected directly or indirectly by the fire tragedy, suffer from multiple psychiatric disorders. Sixty per cent suffer from mood disorder, 5 per cent from adjustment disorder, 5 per cent from schizophrenia, 10 per cent from substance abuse disorder and 5 per cent from depression due to sexual problems. The rest suffer from the post traumatic stress disorder, the generalised anxiety disorder and the panic disorder.

He says that it will take years before the victims become normal. With the passage of time, the intensity of psychiatric disorders is also increasing. A number of victims has got hooked to drugs.

To overcome memories of the horror, a number of families of fire victims have sold their houses in the town and shifted to other places.

Mrs Manju Arora, a fire victim who is fighting a case in the Punjab and Haryana High Court for the enhancement of compensation to the victims, says the one-man commission of Justice T. P. Garg (retd), appointed by the Punjab and Haryana High Court on January 28, 2003, to assess the compensation, has not been provided any space to hold its sittings.

Although half of its six-month tenure is already over, the commission has not been able to conduct its business. She says the Uphaar fire tragedy judgement had revived the hopes of the victims for more relief.

Mr Vinod Bansal, a spokesman of the Dabwali Fire Victims Association, who had lost his wife and two children in the fire and was injured himself, says the Dabwali fire victims have not got any justice so far despite the fact that this tragedy took place in 1995 while the Uphaar tragedy occurred in 1997.

Both Mrs Arora and Mr Bansal condemned the role of the management of the DAV School for failing to fulfil the promises made to the victims at the time of the tragedy. It had collected funds in the name of fire victims, but paid compensation to own staff members only. Denying the allegations, Mr V. K. Mittal, Principal, Children Memorial DAV Public Senior Secondary School, claims that all promises have been fulfilled.

Mr Bansal also points out that the authorities have failed to learn a lesson from the Dabwali tragedy as a number of marriage palaces located in various towns of Punjab and Haryana still lack safety measures. The district authorities rarely check safety norms at marriage palaces.

A section of the residents point out that the Centre and the state government should be forced to fulfil the promises made by the then Prime Minister, Mr P. V. Narasimha Rao, and the then Chief Minister, Mr Bhajan Lal, to set up a 100-bed hospital, a stadium and a memorial at the site of the tragedy.

They also regret that the then Deputy Commissioner of Sirsa district, who was the chief guest at the annual function and allegedly played an irresponsible role during the fire incident, has not been given any punishment despite being indicted by three different inquiries.

Dr P. K. Aggarwal and Dr Prem Chabbra, President and Treasurer of the Dabwali Fire Victims Rehabilitation Trust, say that the government should make arrangements for cosmetic surgery of the victims whose faces and other parts of the body have been disfigured. Some victims have been forced to take loans for meeting the expenses of cosmetic surgery.

The three accused of the Dabwali fire tragedy were convicted and sentenced to two years' jail. The fourth accused, Chander Bhan Dhameja, died during the trial. Two of the accused—Rajinder Kumar and Devi Lal—are now on bail after they filed an appeal against the judgement of the special CBI court at Ambala.

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Songs turned into sobs

Tragedy and AfterTHE following are excerpts from the book "Tragedy and After" written by Gurtej, who lost his entire family comprising his wife, 11-year-old son and 8-year-old daughter in the Dabwali fire:

"The fire sparked off at the main entrance and it engulfed the whole marquee within no time. The people were caught unawares as they were not able to see the fire as they had their back towards the main entrance. As they began to stand up, the stage managers requested them not to panic as the fire would be put off immediately. The stage managers went on repeating the appeal and it made the people halt for a while which proved too fatal. Had they been left at their own perception, the loss could have been less colossal. In the meantime, the fire almost reached upto them and they began to run haphazardly. There followed a commotion which resulted in a stampede. People began to fall on one another and were encircled by the fire from all sides. Burning pieces of polythene fell on them and clung to them till the last... Suffocation, heat and burning pieces caused most of the deaths. Almost all was burnt as all was too prone to fire. The P.V.C. chairs, mats, carpets, curtains and polythene sheets etc. all added fuel to the fire. All was finished within under three minutes. No one had the time to react and most of the audience was just swallowed. The fire extinguished on its own instantly and a thick black cloud-like blanket of smoke pierced through the roof causing a night-like situation in the nearby area.

"The ferocity of the inferno can be gauged from the fact that some people were charred on their seats itself. About three hundred and eighty eight people, mostly school children and their mothers, were roasted like chickens on the spot itself and about two hundred and fifty were grievously burnt...

"The cheers turned into tears, the songs into sobs and dreams into screams! The place of celebration and joy was turned into a burning graveyard."

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Don’t be too mean
Barbara Ellen

EMOTIONAL skiving is just like any kind of skiving, in the workplace or anywhere — you just try to look as busy as possible while avoiding anything that looks like it might be even remotely related to hard work. The opposite of skiving is presenteeism. We all know those people who seem to arrive in the office before the cleaners and leave only when the boss has gone home.

They tend to be one of three things: appalling ass-kissers, happy workaholics, or just horribly insecure about their jobs. They feel they need to show their face all the time or their position will be undermined.

The same thing happens with couples. I've known people who've suffered from couple presenteeism without even knowing it. The most common symptom is avoiding going away by themselves, or with friends, and nixing any attempts of their partners to do likewise. On some deep level, they think that if they are not actually there, nurturing and protecting their bond, it will be like they don't exist, and their partner will discard their clothes on a beach and embark on a brand new life, or, worse, a brand new couple.

I suppose we're all like that to some degree (needy, hormonal, controlling), but couples who live and die by presenteeism are a different breed — just like people who fear losing their jobs, they are constantly afraid of losing their relationships, and seem prepared to exist on some smotheringly neurotic knife's edge. I'm with the emotional skivers on this one — everyone deserves a bit of time off.

Emotional skiving doesn't work long term. Sooner or later you're going to bump into someone who's worth the effort. And no one wants presenteeism. That would be like herpes — get it once, and it would be flaring up forever.

Couples often might want to skive the boring bits (the rows; the listening) and do all the fun stuff (the sex; the chatting) themselves. In relationships, as with most things in life, it would probably turn into a case of: if you want something doing badly, you just have to do it yourself. The Guardian
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To make ourselves free from stress take three tablets everyday — Peace, Patience and Love.

Think little and think the right thing.

— B.K. Babu, The World Renewal, July 1997

Mother Nature ever evinces endurance.

May I, O Mother,

Acquire that virtue.

— Tayumanavar. Cited in The Vedanta Kesari, May 2002

Listen, O Friend:

This is the path to union:

Destroy sense of self,

Thou shalt find then

My lord within Thee.

— Sri Guru Granth Sahib, Rag Bilawal, page 830.

O saints, unite me with my beloved,

Unite me with my Life's jewel,

O when will he come to me.

— Sri Guru Granth Sahib, Rag Bilawal, page 830.
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