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Cast(e) in love
When Manu defined the Varna system, laying down the laws for creating a stratified, hierarchical society, the impulse behind his notion of ‘caste’ was force, not love. We are no longer living in the age of Manu, and yet caste barriers continue to persist, nay thrive. If anything, caste distinctions have only become more well-entrenched over the centuries. And ‘love’ that was supposed to bind and unite people has simply gone out of their lives.
All our claims to modernity sound hollow, what with Khap Panchayats laying down laws for the lovers, throttling and killing them. A mother decides to kill her daughter, just because she had dared to fall in love with a boy from a different caste. A brother, very proudly, claims to have killed his sister’s lover, because she chose to break the vicious hold of convention. The community socially ostracises not only the lovers but also their families. Countless cases of caste hatred are in the media glare, but no one talks about young couples who prefer to cock a snook at caste and community divide, negotiating their way to happy endings. We met a few such couples who had weathered social and familial pressures, and stuck to each other. Rupal Thakur, an executive with a private airline met her husband Ravindra in her office. Both were working for Air Deccan on the ground. The fact that she was a Sikh and he a Rajput who had lived in an extended joint family was not a deterrent for them, but it was so for their parents, at least initially. His parents wanted a bride who could fit into the joint set-up and her mother was apprehensive about how a girl brought up in a nuclear set-up would be able to adapt to a traditional family. But Rupal, now an academic planner with the yet to be set up Guru Granth Sahib World University, made that extra effort to fit in. “It is more important that the couple fits in with each other,” says Mohali-based Manjeeti who retired from the Punjab school Education Board recently. Her son fell in love with a Kashmiri Pandit and will be marrying her shortly. Neither she nor the girl’s mother objected to the union. Now-a-days, when work keeps both partners on the fast forward, packages and job-hopping take up more time than customs and outmoded rituals, it is only foolish parents who do not see the writing on the wall, and dig their heels in. As an Army wife Sabina Singh says, “I was sure I did not want to lose my son so when he fell in love with and wanted to marry a Bengali, I agreed readily. It is stupid to force your kids to marry someone else because you end up ruining two lives this way.” Words of wisdom, indeed, but it is wisdom that flies out of the window when relatives and the extended family start throwing barbs at the hapless parents for not ‘keeping their kids in control’. We are a kinship-based society, so it matters a lot what the relatives feel and think. As Vandana Sharma recalls, “When my daughter married into a bania family, my father had thundered: ‘Were all the Brahmin boys dead?’ Now, of course, he loves my son-in-law a lot. The boys in such cases go out of the way to seek approval of the girls family, unlike in the conventional set-up where you are god’s gift to them”, says Vandana. Ditto for Yashu, station manager in Alchemist who married Shiva, a security manager in the same organisation, who is from Kerala. Shiva’s mother obviously wanted a Mallu bride for him but he was willing to stick it out and settle only with Yashu. But as he says, “It balances out. I don’t speak Punjabi and Yashu doesn’t speak Malayalam.” For Yashu’s parents, the initial reservations about their ‘Madrasi’ (for most Punjabis all South Indians are Madrasis) son-in-law melted in the face of his warmth, love and respectful behaviour. Yashu’s father who expired some time back was totally bowled over by Shiva who looked after him very well. Yashu has enrolled for Malayalam classes in the Malayali Samajam in Mohali to be able to converse with her mother-in-law and Shiva’s relatives in Kerala who do not follow Hindi. As long as the couple is on its own, things are fine but when they have to interact with relatives, one-upmanship takes over. That every thing is hunky-dory for the lovebirds is also not a fact. Shivali Kharbanda, a lecturer, who studied in Chandigarh but is now living with her husband Rupendra Kadian, a senior executive with Airtel in Delhi, feels that it is the parents who love to indulge in a tug of war in an inter-caste union. This tends to escalate when a child enters the scene. “Don’t allow him to become a Haryanavi Jat like his father,” warn the Punjabi parents. “When my husband coos to the baby in his own way, my folks make fun of him and when I go to my in-laws, they make it a point to talk in their own language to the relatives on the phone and I feel excluded. It is irritating when even my husband tries to prove I have integrated into the family and talks Haryanavi to me which I barely follow.” If some people indulge in the ‘politics of language,’ others try and privilege their rituals over others. Some try to charter a cooperative approach and try to find a via media. Whatever the trials and tribulations, peaks and troughs, almost all the couples for whom love is the only caste, believe that it is worth the while to adapt and adjust. They’d rather spend their life with a person who is a friend and partner in the real sense of the word than spend a lifetime with a stranger under the same roof even though he might be from the same caste and community. As Shivali and Rupendra say, “Only if we were to recognise ‘love’ as the only caste of all humans, life would be much simpler, even more worth living!” |
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For a cause
Say it through a bunch of roses, scribble down on a greeting card or just send a nice message across. Needless to say there are umpteen ways of expressing love and care for our near and dear ones. Sitting in her office, going through her notes, Bittu Sandhu, managing trustee of Rani Breast Cancer Trust shares with us an entirely different and heartfelt way of expressing love for the woman in your life- a dotting mother, a caring wife or a helpful sister.
"If you value the woman in your life, then motivate and push her to take a mammogram test," says Bittu. And the reason for advocating this form of love is Rani Breast Cancer Trust, which came into being two years back in 2007. By the way, the word 'Rani' is not any individual's name, but stands for every woman, who should be treated like a queen. The trust works relentlessly to create awareness on breast cancer among women, men and their families. "I honestly feel that a disease in whatever form it is, upsets the entire equilibrium of the family. If a woman suffers from breast cancer the entire family is disturbed." Statistics show that the incidence of breast cancer is rapidly increasing in urban as well as rural India. The number of breast cancer cases is estimated to have reached 1.2 million worldwide. So much so, one in 22 women is likely to suffer from breast cancer. Alarming? "The endeavour behind starting Rani Breast Cancer Trust is to create awareness among women as well as men on how to reduce the risk of breast cancer. Generally women are shy to even talk or discuss it. We want to tell them that this is not a death sentence or a crime, just an illness that can be managed through early diagnosis," adds Bittu, who wouldn't want to make tall claims. " I lost my sister due to breast cancer. Today, I want to ensure that I save as many lives as possible. We want women, especially those at the age of 40 to go in for regular tests. All said and done, I also believe that any work done with sincere efforts and strong faith does not go waste." The trust is planning to start "mammogram on wheels". Also, it has tied up with Dr Sandhya of Faith Diagnostic Centre, who would be doing the mammogram at concessional rates. " In the near future, I would want to adopt few villages and do whatever I can do for them." Indeed, sincere efforts always bear fruit. But, how can one rule out the issue of monetary support. "Trust me, I could never approach anyone for any kind of help, but with this trust I see myself approaching people who can make a real difference. I am glad that I met the right kind of like-minded people who were more than willing to help me in this cause. Punjabi singer Gurdas Maan and his wife Manjeet Maan have given me their support whenever I have wanted." Incidentally, Gurdas Maan will be performing on Saturday at Parade Ground at an event organised by Rani Breast Cancer Trust to generate awareness. Adds Manjeet Maan, director, who is also associated with the cause. "It is surprising that people are not aware of breast cancer. They are too scared to go for mammography. The fear can be seen among urban as well as rural women. Through Rani Breast Cancer Trust we want women to know that detection at the right time can be of great help. A simple mammography once a year is very important." As for Bittu Sandhu, she is glad that people are forthcoming. "People like Jaspal Singh Kandhari, Rajiv Bali, Balram Garg, Gurnam Singh, Sandeep Kaur and others have given unconditional support."
jasmine@tribunemail.com |
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Right choice
First time director Punit Malhotra, nephew of ace designer Manish Malhotra, says he had written the script of directorial debut I Hate Luv Storys with Imran Khan in mind and feels the actor is "simply outstanding" in the film.
"When I was writing the film, I had written Jay's character with Imran in my mind. I knew that he would be best for the role and no one else; so there was no confusion about it," Punit said. He has assisted Karan Johar in several hit movies like Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham, Kal Ho Naa Ho and Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna. "When I saw him acting in the film, I realised I was right, because he is simply outstanding in the film," added the 28-year-old. Slated to hit the screens July 2, I Hate Luv Storys has been produced by Karan Johar under his banner Dharma Productions and stars Sonam Kapoor in the main lead. The story revolves around Jay and Simran, who are complete opposites when it comes to romance. While Jay doesn't believe in love, Simran swears by it and has a very Bollywood idea of the emotion. In the film, both of them work for a well-known director who specialises in romantic flicks. Talking about the on-screen chemistry of his lead pair, Punit said: "Sonam and Imran have been paired together for the first time; so it is a very fresh pair. Sonam was Manish's suggestion and she looks very good with Imran." Getting one of the most sought after producers in the industry to back your project is not an easy task, but Punit says Karan himself motivated him to wield the megaphone. "Karan always used to tell me that I should direct a film. So finally when I wrote the script of I Hate..., I went to him. He liked the script a lot and immediately said yes." Asked about his future plans, he said: "There is no immediate plan. I might go for a vacation or just sit back and chill for some time and then I will get back to making movies." —
IANS |
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Speed scare
Actor Chunky Pandey is on his nerve's end these days because he will be facing none other than the 'Rawalpindi Express', Shoaib Akhtar at the IIFA charity match in Dubai.
Pandey is opening India's batting line-up in the match, which will see Bollywood stars including Salman Khan, Anil Kapoor and Sharman Joshi play against the Pakistani cricket team. Moroever Pandey and Salman have a little history with regards to such matches which they would rather forget. A few years ago they had played a friendly football match in Bangladesh, and what happened there was hilarious. "Those guys put proper professional footballers opposite us and our team got thrashed royally by them. Salman was the only one who scored a goal. I don't want to go down that road and discuss the number of goals they scored against us- lets just say they were in double digits," recalls Pandey. "This time again its Salman and me, a foriegn country, a friendly match, professional players. I'm getting a deja vu," said the actor. The Twenty 20 match to be played at Dubai Sports City's cricket stadium on May 26 will help raise awareness about 'Being Human', a charity organisation run in India by Salman's family. —
PTI |
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Tweet success
Bollywood megastar Amitabh Bachchan, who joined Twitter a few days ago, congratulated actor Shah Rukh Khan for having as many as 400,000 followers on the microblogging site. "Congrats!! you crossed 400,000... meri gaadi thoda dheeli chal rahi hai (I'm at a slower pace at the moment)," the 67-year-old posted on his Twitter page.
Amitabh, who has become a regular on the site now, presently has 98,228 followers. While he writes on his Twitter page couple of times during the day, he also has a blog, a voice blog and a mobile blog. Amitabh's son Abhishek too has an account on Twitter. —
IANS |
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Daddy's guide
Hollywood actor Tom Cruise takes career advice from his four-year-old daughter Suri by discussing his upcoming movie projects. The 47-year-old star, who is married to actress Katie Holmes, describes the story contained in his scripts to Suri and then listens to her questions because he thinks it makes him a better actor. "I'll put Suri on a swing and tell her stories when I'm working on a script. I'll start with the beginning of the movie and take her through the story beat by beat. Of course, I make it age-appropriate. She's four years old. But she asks all the right questions, 'Why does that happen?' 'Those are the bad guys?' 'You're the good guy, right?'," Cruise said. "It comes down to the same thing as when I was a kid. Can I create a character that will make her happy, that will make her laugh? And you know what? She makes me get better and better, because she's always asking me to do it again," he added. The 'Mission Impossible' star, who also has an adopted child Connor,15, and 17-year-old daughter Isabella with ex-wife Nicole Kidman insists he has always tried to be a good father to his kids. "I'll never forget the moment I became a dad. But it's hard to describe - that level of responsibility, the desire to give such joy. The clarity: nothing is more important than this," Cruise said. —
PTI |
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Hush hush 'affair'
According to Hollywood actress Sarah Jessica Parker, keeping secrets from your husband is the key to a happy married life. The Sex and the City star, who has seven-year-old son James Wilkie and 11-month-old twin daughters Marion and Tabitha with spouse Matthew Broderick believes the key to a good marriage is to retain an air of mystery. "I like having some mystery in our relationship. I like not knowing everything about my husband. I think people should have things that are theirs, things that are the unknown to someone else. I think it's good to have some privacy and some secrets in our lives," Parker said.
The 45-year-old beauty also admitted her husband does not mind watching her get intimate with co-stars in any of her movies. "We've been together for years. Both of us have starred in movies opposite lots of beautiful, smart, interesting people. But we have still come home to the same house, to each other. Matthew isn't jealous when I'm in a movie with a sexy guy. He doesn't seem to show any degree of being threatened by it. I don't know, maybe he doesn't care," Parker said. — PTI |
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On a confession spree
The disgraced husband of Sandra Bullock says the Hollywood actress most likely suspected him of having had affairs throughout their five-year marriage, but he talked his way out of it. Jesse James, 41, said that he admitted to Bullock he cheated on her after the first media report of his affairs surfaced just after she had won her first Oscar in March for The Blind Side."I told her basically everything, that I had affairs outside of our marriage," he said. "I think she's had her suspicions in the past, but, you know. I lied, and lied my way out of it. I lied to everyone about everything, even to myself."
James had affairs with at least four women -- one of them while Bullock filming what would be her Oscar-winning role in sports drama The Blind Side, according to various reports. Bullock, 45, had given emotional speeches during Hollywood's awards season thanking James for his support, but she left their southern California home when the cheating scandal broke. James says he felt disheartened when he saw pictures of Bullock with the baby they had only recently adopted and read
she wanted to take the baby in her name. "It made me sad but I realise why things have to be done in a certain way," he said. He said the couple found out last Christmas they had been successful in adopting the baby boy from New Orleans and received him on New Year's Day. "To see her in the role as mother is, like, one of the most amazing things I've ever seen. She is like a fish to water. As soon as she put that baby in her hands it was automatic and
amazing," he said. In addition, he regretted photos that showed up in U.S.
tabloids of him posing in a Nazi salute. "Dealing with losing my marriage, my son and embarrassing everyone and decimating my life, but to be called a racist on top of that is, it makes me really sad," he said. "It's not funny." Upon telling Bullock he would attend rehab, James said Bullock told him "she was proud of me."
— Reuters |
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Proxy war
British model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is reportedly all set to replace Hollywood siren Megan Fox as the leading lady in the upcoming Transformers 3. The 23-year-old British Victoria's Secret model, has been offered the role in the sequel after Fox quit the franchise last week.
Director Michael Bay reportedly came to blows with the actress over her plummeting weight. "Her slender physique sparked concern and unhealthy Fox was ordered to put on weight," sources said. "Megan Fox will not be starring in Transformers 3. It was her decision not to return," her spokesman had said. If things go as planned Rosie, who has no acting credentials to date will star opposite Shia LaBeouf in the film and will follows in the footsteps of Bond girl Olga Kurylenko and Halle Berry, who also moved from the ramp to the big screen. —
PTI |
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Rooted to tradition
The folklore musical and dancing traditions are an integral part of any culture and shape the lifestyle of its people. But endowed with a rich religious and patriotic heritage, Punjabi culture has no parallel in the world,” says the Punjabi folk singer Pammi Bai. He shared his views after being bestowed the prestigious Punjab Language Department’s Shiromani Punjabi Singer award, which was presented to him by Sukhbir Singh Badal Deputy CM Punjab. Pammi Bai with two postgraduate degrees and a law degree is hailed as the proponent of Punjabi culture in India and abroad. The bhangra maestro with scores of performances in every part of the world had propagated the philosophical serenity, sanctity and ideals of holy Gurbani, the vibrant Punjabi folk music and dances. Refusing to succumb to the pull of money, Pammi has managed to convince the world that the Punjabi folklore and music when presented in a sober manner can win the hearts of millions. “In fact, I have never felt the necessity of resorting to vulgar lyrics or distortion of age old folk tunes. Nor have I felt compelled to pep up my concerts with female dancers,” says Pammi with a sense of pride.
“The sanctity of folk art, which is an ibadat for us, must be upheld both in desh and videsh. Nahin mohtaaz zevar ka jisse khoobi khuda ne di,” he quotes an Urdu couplet to reinforce the purity of Punjabi folk music. Not only live performances, even the songs of his over half a dozen albums are woven with the richness, rustic vigour and vitality of traditional Punjabi folklore. As an accomplished actor, dancer and choreographer, Pammi has played memorable roles in Punjabi films like Bagawat, Dhi Jatt di, Manas ki jaat, Mehfil mitran di and TV channel Vichhora. On his future projects, Pammi discloses that he too has ventured into fusion. However, it will not be the pop or rap mix rather an aesthetic blend of tradition and modernity, an amalgamation of folk musical harmony and melody that will offer a soul stirring experience to every Punjabi. |
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Dazzle with style
Honda entered in the motorcycle market in India in 2004 with the introduction of Unicorn (now CB Unicorn). CB Unicorn has been refreshed regularly to meet the diversified needs of customers. With one of the most refined engine in the segment, CB Unicorn has created a very premium image among the mature male customers. CB Unicorn will continue to exist in the segment. The CB Unicorn Dazzler that we have launched today is a step further towards adding more value to the much-admired model.
Living up to the style aspirations of Indian two-wheeler customers, the CB Unicorn Dazzler offers aggressive styling, advanced equipments, blistering performance, impressive mileage of 60 kmpl*, comfort and convenience. The bike has aggressive style with floating side cowl, aggressive front, screenless front cowl, 110/80 wider rear tyre and half-chain case. Other attractive features include: two-tone seat, new design mirror, handle bar weights, 3D emblem, digital meter and front and rear disc brake. Various advanced equipments have been added in the bike, which makes it the best in its segment. Powered with 150cc reformed engine, the bike delivers excellent performance with 14 BHP power.
It is equipped with tubeless tyres and alloy wheels and offers best pick-up and mileage combination in the segment. CB Unicorn Dazzler will deliver a mileage of 60 kmpl. The bike is equipped with maintenance free battery and viscous air filter for more convenience. Strictly adhering to the BS-III norms, it is environment friendly like all other Honda products.The price for ex showroom Chandigarh is Rs 63,003 The CB Unicorn Dazzler will be available to the customers by the end of May, 2010. The bike will be available in four attractive colours – Armour Gold Metallic, Pearl Nightstar Black, Sword Silver Metallic and Pearl Siena Red. Present at the launch event were H Fujiyoshi, vice president, QC, HMSI, along with Sanjeev Korpal regional head sales-North, HMSI. —TNS |
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Net gains
Blessed to sing and propagate devotional music and Sufi spirituality, the young duo of Kumar Bandhus are emerging on the region's musical firmament as the Bhajan and Sufi gayaks. In fact Kumar Bandhus—Anup Kumar and Hemant Kumar—have been pursuing their passion for over two decades since their formative days at Kalka in the foothills of Shivalik. In order to reach their admirers and well-wishers Kumar Bandhus have launched their website.
Speaking at the inaugural ceremony at the Chandigarh Press Club, the chief guest Atul Sharma, an acclaimed music director, said that producing a music album had become very costly, as well as risky, especially if the rampant piracy is considered. Website, as such is the best alternative and medium to reach out. Without looking for immediate gains, singers need to ensure that their compositions go public. Commenting on the reality shows and his personal experience during music direction of over 7,000 albums, Atul Sharma opined that every aspirant wanted to be a star even before becoming a singer. Well-known social activist and philanthropist Vijay Bansal disclosed that Kalka city had produced artists like actor Pankaj Berry, Rohitasav Gaur, Himmat Choudhury, Vikrant Marwaha, Devender Pawar and above all Atul Sharma. Guest of honour Sajal Koser complimented Kumar Bandhus for being in sync on and off the stage. |
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Stonewashed
Calvin Klein Jeans presents Spring 2010 for men and women. This season, the collection is sexy, American sportswear that’s always modern with pure, simple lines designed in lighter weight materials to lend a softer touch.
This season the line is really focused on clean, paired down, sexy denims. There is a very cool range of white and subtle washes which are executed on really functional, lightweight fabrics that are perfect for the season. Denim surfaces are either coated, faded, washed, or distressed, while other techniques like garment overprinting, appliqué, enzyme washing and fading are used on outerwear and jerseys. Sexy, surplus utilitarian details inform pocket shapes and embellishments on denim and khakis. For men, the surplus is key, while for women, it’s all about a boy fit. —TNS |
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Summer treat
Chill out through the scorching summer heat with India’s favourite kids’ channel Pogo’s, cool programming across May and June. Advance book your Sunday noon shows on Pogo and enjoy all the big cinema action and the best of Indian animation without stepping out in the sun. Topping up the lights camera Pogo Badaa Cinema movie watching experience is an unbelievable offer for viewers as they can win free pizzas during the movie breaks. Kids can tune into the special edition of Pogo’s popular movie block – Lights Camera Pogo, Badaa Cinema, starting from May 2 – June 27, Sundays at 12.00 noon, and watch fun movies such as Drona, Detective Nani, Bhootnath, Meerabai Not Out, Return of Hanuman and Chain Kulli Ki Main Kulli (detailed schedule below). Kids can look forward to a spicy break by participating in the simple Lights Camera Pogo Badaa Snack Break contest, lookout for the questions during the movie breaks and sms the correct responses to to win yummy pizzas. There are over 1000 of pizzas to be won across nine weeks.
Krishna Desai, director, programming, Turner International India Pvt. Ltd. said, “Pogo doubles the fun this summer break with its entertaining line-up that promises to engage kids with its slew of action and comedy movies ranging from Indian animation to Bollywood movies. We are sure that our audience will love this delicious summer treat as much as we did putting it together for them.”
— TNS |
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Wedding wows
Exchanging rings, taking pheras around the fire or a demure 'kubool hai' - weddings aren't the same sans rituals. The songs and games not only bring couple and their families closer but also add mirth and fun to otherwise solemn ceremonies. Milnis, stealing grooms' shoes, opening kangana, finding your name in mehndi or seeing your newly wed wife in the mirror- the wedding rites help break the ice and pave way for a union that's promised to last forever. We check with city couples who tell us about wedding ceremonies that became a special memory.
Chanchal and SK Khosla got married almost four decades back in a simple ceremony. "Those days rituals were pretty sacrosanct. When after loads of ceremonies, it was time for vidaai and, my mother-in-law took me in her arms, singing Babulan le chale (it's the brides' family that was supposed to sing) took me towards the doli. I felt welcomed in the new family," says Chanchal from sector 40. For Cathy Aranha, a teacher from sector 68, Mohali, each custom was special. "The long wedding trail carried by bridesmaid, throwing the flower bouquet at girls and the customary kiss all were so great,' shares she. "But its the dance that I did with hubby Geoff on Nothing gonna change my love for you that really made me feel special. He delicately held my gown's long trail as the family joined us in that joyous moment," she shares. For Glenda and Michael Nunes, marriage vows taken 27 years back have become succour for a life-long relationship. "When the priest asked 'Glenda, Do you take Michael as your lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish until death do you part' and I said 'I do' it was the most significant and solemn part of the wedding," says Glenda. For Zehra Zaidi, senior research associate at Institute for Development and Communication-38, wedding rituals not only unite the couple forever but also become means for bringing two families together. "Siblings, cousins and friends bring lots of liveliness to ceremonies. Seeing the bride's face in the mirror is so sweet and special," shares Zehra. "When I reached my in-laws' place after wedding, there was a ceremony where the groom and bride eat kheer from each other's hands. Friends try to have fun and usually move the hand. Same happened with me and it spoiled my face," she laughs recalling the wedding that happened 25 years back. mona@tribunemail.com |
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Rituals bond
Colourful affair
There are thousands of wedding styles prevalent all over the world. Each one is unique and colorful in its own way; however the meaning of all of them is the same, 'a bond which is meant to be forever'. A wedding has great significance in everyone's life. It marks the beginning of a new life. All rituals that take place in a marriage are meant to give blessings to bride and groom. Being an Indian, I completely believe in the sanctity of marriage. I believe that all the customs related to marriage are very interesting. All pre-wedding rituals are very exciting but the best out of the all is that big day known as 'wedding day'. As the big day arrives every woman tries her level best to look the best with thick layers of pancake. But the best thing is, that through these rituals bride and bridegroom promise that they will stay together through all ups and downs. Vijaylaxmi, Chandigarh Cultural bonding
In the long run these rituals remind us of our social bindings and responsibilities. In India wedding rituals play a significant role. They are done mostly with religious mindset and with utmost care. Many rituals are considered to be auspicious. Different religions have different wedding rituals that depict their cultural background. The simplest example is that after marriage when a bride leaves her parents home, she throws some rice with both hands which basically symbolises that prosperity should stay in her parents' house even when she is not there. Similarly in Sikh religion, bridegroom holds a sword during his wedding which is a symbol of a promise to the bride, that her husband will protect her. Wedding rituals are passed on from one generation to the other and they carry with them the cultural heritage of a particular religion or community. Grace, Mohali Love union
Opinder Kaur Sekhon, Chandigarh |
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Gen-Yers’ trouble
He found they scored 25 per cent higher than respondents ages 40 to 60 and 50 per cent higher than those over 61. Professor Harvey concluded Gen-Yers are characterised by a "very inflated sense of self" that leads to "unrealistic expectations." He pointed out that it subsequently leads to "chronic disappointment". "Even if they fail miserably at a job, they still think they're great at it," he said. Professor Harvey added that the sense of entitlement "gets ingrained in the formative years." He said: "It stems from the self-esteem movement, telling kids, "You're great, you're special." — ANI |
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Renee Writes
We are a couple who have been married for 12 years and been fairly happy together. I am 32 and my husband is a few years elder to me. Suddenly I have started feeling very suffocated in my marriage. I feel like constantly being on the move. We both work and we decided not to have children. Now I wonder if that was a wise decision and may be I should have had kids so that we as a couple could bond in a better fashion. A lot of times I think of having an affair but the idea of stepping out of the safety of my marriage does not appeal to me at all. Help!
Navneet Sidhu Chandigarh Life is about constantly growing and evolving. We are all constantly in the midst of something or the other in our lives which we need to deal with. How we deal with it depends on our own attitudes and perceptions. I don't think the problem lies in your relationship. You have to be clear with the idea that your life begins with you. Take a holiday with friends or family, go to a new place or join a new social group or club where you meet some new people. Having an affair is no solution. Learn to love yourself these kind of silly quick fixes will stop enamoring you. Learn to live a life with more meaning and happiness and joy will creep in naturally. Be there
I am in love with my best friend. She says that she likes me as a friend but she can't forget her boyfriend who is moving around with many girls. I have tried to convince her to forget him but she sometimes thinks about her past. She cannot seem to forget him and does not want to have any other boyfriend. I want to share my life with her. I would like to marry her. I request you to please give me some idea as to how. I feel she is the right one for me. So please help me. Rajveer Sandhu Chandigarh It is rather interesting and encouraging to see your devotion to this girl. I think she is a very lucky girl that she has such a devoted best friend. She really doesn't know what she is missing if she is ignoring you. So please hang on there, I am sure hers is to just a passing fancy. Just because she knows that the guy is not available she probably wants him and just because you are all there she takes you for granted. So my dear just give her what she wants, just pretend for a few days that you are busy, you don't have time for her. Then watch her suddenly showing this newfound interest in you. Once she thinks you're out of reach it could kindle her interest. You could also get busy with whatever you're doing. No girl can resist someone who is doing things and yet is committed to her for a lifetime. So get moving boy. I'm sure you will get her because in life when we really want something from the heart and we are sure of ourselves it will come. Give time
I am 38 and my husband is 42, we both work in high-pressure jobs and have two kids, 14 and 16. Recently, I have been noticing a marked change in their behaviour. They are rude, answer back and seem to be very aggressive all the time. We seem to have a lot of shouting going on around the house. How can I sort this out? I feel guilty that may be we as parents are going wrong somewhere in bringing them up. The thing is that we are so tired from long working hours that we just get home to catch up on some rest. I feel I am getting very short tempered. Is there some way I can calm down and stop stressing the way I am. Help! Rashi Mishra Nangal You do have a problem here. Definitely your children are looking for attention. When signs of unnecessary aggression come up in kids it is basically pent up anger which has been building up inside due to emotional hurt. If you have not had time for them for a while during their tender growing years there must he quite a few hidden issues you need to deal with together. Do spend quality time as a family. It is no use saying you are home for so long and the kids don't notice Give them adequate time and attention. We all want to be heard. Please hear them out a. Do not put yourself on a guilt trip at all. Life is beautiful if you allow it to be so. We all work hard but please don't stress. Enjoy your work and count your blessings that you have a great family. |
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Weighty issues
A new study has found that obesity is a risk factor for depressive symptoms, but not for clinical depression, suggesting that weight status could play a part in the development of depression in some teenage girls. "This is important, because depressive symptoms are considered a precursor to major depression," said lead author Kerri Boutelle, associate professor of paediatrics and psychiatry at the University of California, San Diego School of Medicine.
Knowing that the teenage years are often a tumultuous period in a young person's life, Boutelle and her colleagues set out to determine whether obesity contributes to the development of depression among youth. Using a structured psychiatric interview test, assessors gathered responses from almost 500 girls between the ages of 13 and 16 years, of various ethnicities. To receive a diagnosis of depression, the girls had to report the presence and severity of at least five symptoms. At each of four yearly assessments, the girls were weighed and measured. Data from the interviews indicated that obese status was associated with an increase in depressive symptoms, but not Major Depression. "Based on our findings, I would encourage parents, teachers and physicians to monitor overweight and obese girls for depressive symptoms, and refer them for evaluation if they are concerned," said Boutelle. The results of the study appeared in the May 21st issue of Health Psychology. —
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Calvin Klein Jeans Body is a denim offering that is uniquely designed for a more contoured, shape enhancing fit – the brand has introduced ‘Whitewashed’ an extension of the line for Spring 2010. Whitewashed extends the body concept, featuring a more contoured, shape enhancing fit which is now offered in clean, translucent washes and enriched surface treatments in pure and coated shades of white. Each piece is lighter and is engineered with accents that include white, enameled nickel metal buttons, as well as tacks, zippers, and rivets for added dimension. The season focuses on a straight leg for men, and a classic skinny cut with ankle zips or a loose boyfriend cut for women. A new five pocket rolled body denim short, designed with a lean, slim silhouette, will also be introduced.
Dr Winkle Bedi got married to CP Singh in year 2000 and memories are afresh still. "Though Anand Karaj is relatively a simple ceremony, there are plenty of games that keep the couple occupied throughout the day," says Winkle. "On our wedding, there were three games - finding the coin, opening kangana and finding name in the mehndi, and I won all three. It was much later that my husband shared that he lost intentionally so that I don't miss my family in the new home. I was so touched," she shares.
Wedding is a social ritual. This knot-tying ceremony not only brings two individuals closer, but also binds two families forever. Our ancestors have very wisely designed certain wedding rituals, which help us in our married life. Individuals getting married commit their lifetime support to their partners through these rituals.
The rituals do have an underlying significance. That is why it is performed since ancient times. Rituals lead the road to a blissful married life. The ring ceremony is most popular aspect of a wedding. As the ring is round and has no beginning and no end, the love between the couple knows no beginning and no end. The ring serves as daily reminder of their love and devotion. R Similarly tying sehra on the groom's head and giving shagun to the boy are tokens of good luck. The wedding ring has been worn on third finger of the left hand since Roman times. The Romans believed that nerves from this finger run directly to the heart. The rituals not only have great import but also add charm and colour to weddings.
Generation Y, or those born between the 1980s and 90s, generally believe they have a right to entitlement and lack work ethics, according to a new study. Professor Paul Harvey, of the University of Hampshire, conducted a series of studies on a group of Gen-Yers to measure psychological entitlement and narcissism.