Sunday, March 16, 2003		Feedback

Rearing confident children

APROPOS of Taru Bahl’s write-up ‘Going wherever life takes you’ (February 23), instead of forcing one’s unrealised ambitions on one’s children, it always pays to allow them to make their own choices. Of course parents should always be there to advise them like intimate friends, whenever desired. Such an upbringing adds to the warmth of relations, builds confidence and ability in the young ones to take decisions at difficult times and to battle any hostile circumstances. The freedom of choice and decision-making accorded to children grows into an asset when the children learn to display a positive attitude towards the needs and expectations of their old parents.

How many amongst us have been as positive and rational in our approach to our children? It may not be an exaggeration that most of the waywardness amongst youth is solely because of an irrational upbringing.

This refers to ‘Memoirs that may ruffle feathers’ by P. P. S. Gill (February 23). Those who have already read Sarabjit Singh’s book find it hard to stomach the encomiums showered by the reviewer. It was expected of the Deputy Commissioner to tell the inside story, but he has not done so.

Even the reviewer has let the cat out of the bag when he says, "But credit must be given to him for working so diligently on this book and collecting details from friends, media and, of course, The Tribune files."

Has anybody ever heard of "Memoirs" written by collecting data from newspapers and friends? Surely only a compiler does so.

Has ever an author penned down his experiences and emotions by loading the book "with facts and figures, numbers and statistics, data and details?"

He was posted in his home district and that too for an unprecedentally long time. Anyway, the author has not written an objective account of the government actions to which he was a privy.

The book contains many printing errors and grammatical bloomers.

Thank God, the writer at least admits that the book is "drab".

In Taru Bahl’s write-up "Parents should guide not push" (February 2), it has been rightly advised that parents should be there to guide and monitor but they should allow their children to grow their wings and take flight without setting pre-determined goals for them. Parents have another warning in store for them in M.K. Agarwal’s write-up "For all those who tread softly" wherein he says, "Parents are known for possessing a soft spot for their children..."

The two above mentioned write-ups give us different viewpoints on "Parenting". Should we revert to the old school of thought on "art of parenting" which says. "Spare the rod and spoil the child" or modernise this old maxim and update it with demands of changing times? This is a dilemma parents might face after going through these two diverse viewpoints. Parents must strike a balance: they must neither be too harsh nor too soft/ lenient. Just be considerate, shower parental love but avoid pampering your children and don’t be blinded by parental love to the extent that you see nothing amiss in their conduct when they falter. As parents we must ensure that they turn out to be civilised and disciplined citizens who place national interest above their own personal interest.

This refers to Neelu Kang’s article "Forsaking warmth of home for cold, alien shores." The tradition of choosing NRI (Non- Reliable individual) grooms, particularly among Punjabis, has become extremely popular from last ten years. They are so crazy for NRIs that before marrying off their daughters, they never consider it necessary to enquire about the background of the boy. The only thing that satisfies them is the label of being an NRI.

There is no gainsaying the fact that’ sons are more important for their parents. A son is the top most priority for the family, but a daughter is a mere obligation. How far it is justified to improve a sons’ life at the cost of the destruction of a daughter’s life if she agrees to marry an NRI just for sake of sponsoring her brother later on?

Within the domain of traditions, a girl is not allowed to enquire much about the person with whom she has to spend her life. She has to satisfy herself by assuming what her parents have chosen for her is the right choice. Obviously, the boy would try to present the best of himself before marriage. In that situation, doesn’t it become the duty of parents to enquire about the boy concerned? Such parents spoil the life of their daughters even after providing them good education. Highly qualified Indian girls are married to attractive NRIs who in reality are nothing but parasites. Is it fair to leave our worthy daughters, the daughters who are always concerned for their families, to fight alone in an alien land, just to fulfil the lust of settling other family members abroad?

SUMIT SABHARWAL, Hoshiarpur