Learn to be responsible
By Taru Bahl

A FIVE-YEAR-OLD child shuts the door securely, fastens the bolt, draws the blinds and promises not to let any stranger in while his parents leave him alone for an hour as they visit their neighbours. A teenager is allowed to attend a dance party provided he sticks with his close friends, who are known to his parents, does not double up for joy rides on others’ motorbikes, stays away from liquor, drugs, cigarettes and returns home by 11 pm. He dutifully obliges. A young man on the threshold of marriage voluntarily goes in for pre-marital counselling so that he can mentally prepare himself to handle the new challenges in his life. Fifteen years down the line and he has succeeded in making a positive contribution in keeping the family unit strong, cohesive and progressively tuned to the future while nurturing meaningful bonds with his wife, children and in-laws. A girl in her first job is enthusiastic about taking on new tasks, opts to do all kinds of things even if they are not part of her job responsibility and finds to her pleasant surprise that she has been singled out for a prestigious assignment.

These young men and women appear to be mature, wise, level-headed and focused. They are well- bought up and have their value system intact. They have learnt through trial and error, the fine art of balancing leisure with serious work. Most importantly, they are responsible people who are very clear about what they are getting into. Once the decision is taken, they bend backwards, if need be, to honour their commitment. Which is why they are credible, dependable, solid and trustworthy.

To respond means to answer. In much the same way, to be responsible is to be answerable and accountable. Some people go through their entire lives being callous, irresponsible and immature. They refuse to shoulder responsibilities in their homes forcing their wives and children to grope in the dark as they take the escape route, shutting their eyes to all the things they ought to be doing. Forget about the unfairness of the situation, they also are severe critics, lambasting anyone who has faltered or erred. At work, they again shirk responsibility. They rarely opt to step beyond their brief and here too they don’t experiment and try out new ways of doing things. They tread the beaten path, avoid taking major decisions, take shelter behind their seniors and colleagues and often leave tasks unfinished. That they fail to have an impact on their workplaces, earn the respect and confidence of their colleagues and seniors and scale the ladder of professional growth and success is not very surprising.

In legal parlance, the parameters of responsibility have been delimited with characteristic clarity in the following words, "responsibility, in order to be reasonable, must be limited to objects within the power of the responsible party and, in order to be effectual, must relate to operations of that power." Therefore, persons who have not reached maturity have not yet come into full possession of their powers.

It is people with character who accept responsibility. They make decisions and determine their own destiny. Of course, when one decides to be responsible one knows that it will involve additional input in terms of time, effort and even money. It would amount to taking risks and even making sacrifices. When a brother decides to shoulder the responsibility of his widowed sister and two teenaged children till she can stand on her feet again, he knows that he faces the risk of antagonising his wife, disrupting his domestic schedule, cramping his living space and squeezing his already meagre resources. But once the decision is taken, he stops thinking in terms of ifs and buts. He sincerely and single-mindedly sets out to rehabilitate his sister and create a congenial atmosphere at home.

Most people prefer to lead passive (uneventful) lives without accepting any responsibility and making any changes or alterations in their lifestyle pattern. They master the art of instinctively absolving themselves of responsibility. Instead of weighing the pros and cons and adopting a proactive approach, they are quick to play the blaming game, making convenient excuses and waiting for God to work miracles.

For other people, however, responsibility is not just a mere word but has to be acted upon. They break up the word into response-ability. Without blaming circumstances, conditions, background or fate for their behaviour and actions, they make conscious decisions which are based on values and a strong sense of right and wrong. Their conscience or inner voice is trained to tell them when they must rise to the occasion and offer help or shoulder additional burden. They follow it and do the best they can.

Irresponsibility can, at times, become a serious malaise and in some cases ever border on paranoia and psychiatric disorders. It was an immature Adam in the Garden of Eden who, when discovered to have eaten the forbidden fruit, laid the responsibility on Eve. And it was an immature Eve, who in turn, blamed the serpent. Taking credit and being gracious about all the good things one does is no big deal. What matters is taking responsibility for things that go wrong and for the mistakes one makes—wittingly or unwittingly. Which is why it is responsible people who end up correcting their wrongs, putting their messed-up lives back on track, upgrading not just their skills but also their inner selves as they continue to soar to higher and higher planes of awareness.

When we shy away from responsibility, when we refuse to own up to our mistakes, when we choose not to be accountable for our actions, when we stubbornly continue to do things the wrong way even after being told to rectify them, simply because we do not want to step down or appear smaller in others’ eyes, we are actually giving out very negative signals about ourselves. Our silence, cowardice, insincerity and lack of character is not lost on those around us. By behaving so, we are actually saying in non-verbal language, "I am not responsible. Please do not expect me to do anything out of the ordinary for you. I am not cut out for any challenging work. I am powerless and ineffective". Now, surely none of us want to pitch ourselves in this weak and pathetic manner. But that is precisely what we do. We immobilise ourselves and diminish the image of efficiency and calibre we have in others’ eyes and lose the ability to have a positive impact on the situation.