Kindness as akin to saintliness
By Taru Bahl

FILM heroes have turned into venom-spewing anti-heroes. Audiences are eating out of their hands as they watch them going on rampage, taking revenge, performing the cruellest acts-- murders, thrashings and foul tongue-lashings. A furious Shah Rukh Khan hamming in a violent sequence is far more acceptable today than, say, Dilip Kumar, or Rajendra Kumar in a sentimental family drama.

Kind and benevolent people are often termed as softies, who can neither survive in the competitive rat race nor win the admiration of their peers. Well-meaning friends feel ‘sorry’ for the kind soul because they are convinced that others would take advantage of his kindness and walk all over him. However not so long ago, children were told to be good and kind if they wanted to be like the Holy Saints whom everyone loved and emulated. They were exhorted to be gentle and giving, not just to those who were kind to them but even to those who were cruel -- like Jesus Christ and his mother, the Virgin Mary, who immediately forgave those who were responsible for the crucifixion. Today, young adults, unfortunately, consider kindness to be irrelevant to their lives.

Look at some recent Press reports-- a youngster runs his BMW over pavement dwellers; a collegiate murders his grandpa because he didn’t dole out enough pocket money; another youngster pulls out a gun and shoots a model when he was denied a drink, etc. One is not listing here the growing incidence of youth crime but the obvious lack of regret, apology and guilt in the post incident phase. None of these law- breakers showed even an iota of kindness towards their victims and their families. Even after the nasty deed was done, there was no remorse, no attempt to make up and no twinge of kindness tugging at their heartstrings.

The same holds true for their parents and guardians,too. Offering financial compensation is not what kindness is all about. And it is this that is alarming. Has their milk of human kindness really run dry? Are we turning into an apathetic society? Is there no light at the end of the tunnel?

Plato may have said, ‘Be kind, for everyone you meet may be fighting a harder battle’. However, it, perhaps, never occured to him that the generations after him were going to get more and more preoccupied with only those things which could affect their station in life. So, it would require an Herculean effort on their part to be kind even to their immediate family. The question of being kind to the world at large, therefore, does not arise.

Kindness has to come from within. It cannot be donned for the sake of appearance. People may donate huge amounts to charity and yet not be kind and tender from inside. To be kind, one has to have the ability to look at things from the others’ point of view, to sense their discomfort, anxiety and pain and to offer unconditional help. Kindness has to be part of one’s temperament, ingrained in one’s psyche. It is like honesty. Either one is kind or one isn’t. The good thing is that one can start by instilling it in small doses.

Kindness manifests itself in millions of ways. There are no fixed guidelines and parameters. Suffice it to say that the anti-thesis of kindness is meanness, selfishness, and manipulation. Contrary to popular belief, genuinely kind people are emotionally strong.

The strength of character and sense of purpose of kind people gives them the energy and the will to sail through the toughest phases of their lives without panicking and getting distraught. Their kindness is not reserved only for those who may be useful to them. It translates into their every relationship and stray encounter. A person who may be saccharine sweet with you since you are the boss’ daughter may be nasty with her own child, sarcastic and rude with the servants. It is said that kindness is the loveliest flower in the garden of virtue. It blooms in every kind of soil and often in the darkest corners. It knows no particular season and flourishes in every latitude.

Many of us concentrate on the big things forgetting that the small things do matter. In fact, they can make all the difference. On a day when one is suffering from the severest of the moody blues, a few words from a kind friend can be very comforting. It isn’t necessary that she be a troubleshooter, offering services and help to alleviate one’s sadness. What is necessary is the "feel" of the situation and the empathy which goes with it. Kind people do have an aura which exudes genuine warmth and consideration. True kindness is a combination of intelligence, empathy, high personal self-esteem and a strong sense of morality.

A short story will perhaps explain the above situation. A man was taking a morning walk at the beach. He saw that hundreds of starfish were being beached by the morning tide. Since the fish were out of water, they would perish after some time. However, the starfish which the tide had left behind were still alive. The man took a few steps, picked one and threw it into the water. He did that again and again. Another man was watching him. Unable to contain his curiosity, he asked him what he was up to as there were hundreds of starfish. How many could he singlehandedly help and for how long? Moreover, what difference did it make? The man did not say anything. He just took two steps forward, picked up yet another starfish and threw it into the water saying, "It made a difference to this one".

Shiv Khera, motivational and HRD guru, says that big or small, our single efforts may not amount to much but if everyone made a small difference we’d end up with a big difference.

Kindness is something that is there inside us, in the way we feel and look at the outside world. It is a gut feeling, an instinctive reaction, a spontaneous bonding with whoever comes in our contact. We just have to allow it to burst forth. When King Edward VII of England was Prince of Wales, he hosted a dinner to honour an ordinary citizen for his distinguished achievements. When tea was served, the commoner, unfamiliar with table manners, poured some into his saucer. Looks of amusement and shock swept over the faces of the gentry. The Prince, sensing the awkwardness, immediately poured some tea in his saucer and began drinking it as if it were normal table manners. The guests followed suit. This gesture, which the citizen may not even have noticed, was meant to save him from embarrassment. It demonstrates profound kindness and brotherly love.

Jesus often told us to love our neighbour as we love ourselves. He told the parable of the Good Samaritan in response to a question "Who is my neighbour?" A Good Samaritan would have been a contradictory term for most Jews in Jesus’ time because of a longstanding hostility between the Jews and Samaritans. The traveller who comes to the wounded man’s aid in the story is the least likely to show sympathy. The story goes like this : A man was traversing the lonely road from Jerusalem to Jericho. Some where along the raod, he was robbed, mugged and left to die.

First a priest and then a Levite ignored his anguished cries and moved on. But a certain Samaritan stopped,nursed his wounds, set him on his own beast of burden and took him to an inn. He looked after him all night and next morning gave two shillings to the innkeeper requesting him to take care of him till he was well enough to travel. Jesus told his listeners that "our neighbour" then is the one who needs our help. He is not defined by geographical location or blood relation.

A kind person’s credo could be this well-known quote: "I shall pass through this world only once. Any good therefore that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again."