In pursuit of Mr Right...
By Beverley D’Silva

VALENTINE’S Day is like an angry itch out here in Singlesland. Yet another year has passed and your pink toothbrush is still sitting there all on its lonesome on the bathroom shelf.

Meeting men isn’t the issue. I’ve had three dates since November. But, for various reasons, thesse men have not worked out. My friends say: "So what if he is bald/bankrupt/recently discharged from an asylum? Accommodate! You can’t be fussy."

I’m not fussy, believe me. And I know hundreds of women who aren’t either. They have interesting, often powerful jobs. They own properties and cars. They are funny and attractive. They’re in their thirties, dateless, and although they might have forgotten how to flirt, they just don’t get it.

Until now, most dating self-help guides have been American and of the Men Are From Mars variety. But the outlook is not totally bleak. Penrose Halson has written what she says is "the first British guide to breaking the rules and meeting Mr Right" — or Enlightened Man (EM), as she calls him. Her advice is practical: "Meet indoors. Have lunch not dinner. No cars or car parks." Here is a random dip into Penrose’s pearls of wisdom...

Ask yourself: what is my EM like?

Is he tall, dark and handsome? Or, as my list goes, has he George Clooney’s head, David Beckham’s thighs and Ewan McGregor’s...? That’s the problem, she says. Women are too picky. She is accosted by what she calls Formidable Young Women (FYW) waving lists of qualities they want in a man. "Such lists reflect too high expectations," she says. Instead, ask: is he free? Does he feel the same way as me about commit-ment/children/ money? Do we have common outlooks?

Very sensible, but I would also ask" does he make you tingle? If, on a first date, you don’t detect the merest wave of physical attraction, forget it. Halson continues...

Drop the emotional baggage

This may be hard if you’re still wounded from your last affair, she says. It’s easiest to do when on holiday, especially in the tropics. Thus I met Elvis in Anguilla and Suranga in Sri Lanka, and although neither was an EM, both were (very) dark, handsome and, ahem, nubile. I was tempted to send them a ticket to London until I remembered that foreign men are like tropical plants — they don’t transplant well. I imported Christian from Hamburg to London but, one year later, my love pined badly for his schinken and flugelhorn, and had to be repotted on home soil.

Smile

Very important, this one. Cheerful girls are more attractive. Imagine how urly Cameron Diaz would be wearing a perpetual frown? Trouble is, smiling would be easier if one had a boyfriend. Try trips to Joseph and champagne in the meantime.

Kick bad habits

One being, not smiling. Spend too many nights on your own, and the stained T-shirt, festering washing-up and cuddly toys lined up in order of height on your pillow might put some men off.

Think where there might be men of similar age and education

Halson talks of the "Halo Effect": women who are attractive because they are happy, interested and involved. One person got her halo by going on an archeological dig; another joined a choir. I would suggest builders’ yards, football training grounds and the local off-licence.

Don’t embark on activities with EM in mind

Men can spot the glint of desperation in your eye at 20 paces. I must disagree with Halson here, and refer to the advice of Lucy, a FYW who has always been successful with men. "When I meet someone I fancy, I don’t budge until they ask me for a date." I must say, though, that I have another friend who did that to a waiter and she is now barred from the restaurant.

Try a dating agency or the personal columns

Because of my fixation with celtic men, I arranged to meet someone who described himself in The Irish World as a "33-year-old celtic with rapier wit — and qualities like Ewan McGregor". The man I met outside Books etc looked like Woody Allen. I didn’t road-test the Ewan McGregor reference.

Lastly, my own dating tips would include:

Be his friend first

When Rosa met Sanj at film studios, they became friends, but she wasn’t sure if he fancied her. When she mentioned that she couldn’t find her favourite film. Drugstore Cowboy, Sanj said he’d lend her his copy. Two months later, she noticed the words Blockbuster Video on the box. Sanj had hired the film for her and, Rosa realised, 62 x £1.99 was proof that he did indeed fancy her.

You will meet him when you least expect it.

Get on with your life.

(Courtesy: The Sunday Times)