Discipline is an act of love
By Taru Behl

A SUCCESSFUL tycoon juggles appointments, treats deadliness as sacrosanct and prioritises his professional and personal life. He keeps himself abreast with the latest happenings and observes tact and restraint in relationships. However tricky the situation, he always appears to be in control.

A popular high school topper plays hard but not before he has worked as hard as well. He is like the trapeze artiste who is constantly balancing his social life with domestic chores. A good friend honours commitments, keeps confidence, offers help when needed and is authentic when it comes to thrashing out misunderstandings.

A happy and well-adjusted married couple makes the most of what they earn without going overboard. They are true and honest to each other and they work hard at creating harmony by bonding on a physical, emotional and spiritual plane. A sensible parent fulfils responsibility towards his progeny by providing for them and being their friend, and guide. The common chord running through all these relationships and situations is that of sincerity, competence and efficient execution of duties. But the most significant common linkage is that of self-discipline. Unless an individual exercises control and restraint over himself, he cannot understand the magnitude and repercussions of the task at hand. Concentration, planing, fortitude, tolerance, patience and endurance all come with self- discipline.

Unfortunately, discipline to most of us denotes a regimented lifestyle peppered liberally with a long list of do’s and don’ts. This may be true, but only partially. For discipline is actually all about disciplining the mind which is a life-long process. The word discipline has been derived from the word disciple - disciple to philosophy, principles, values and to an overriding sense of purpose. In the traditional guru-shishya pramapara too, the teacher imposes restrictions on the student making him follow a tough routine which is, at times, unforgiving.

He may be undemonstrative and even stingy with his appreciation but at the end of the "training", the impressionable little boy turns into a responsible young man who is a worthy part of society, transmitting positive energies and goodness around him. Now, if this is not good discipline what is?

Over the years, the word discipline has come to be shunned. It is perceived as an extreme personality trait which holds little water at a time when flexibility and a meri marzi kind of attitude prevail. People, who are disciplined and lead a life of moderation, are mocked at. It is assumed that they have no fun in their lives. Their austerity and control — be it in matters related to food, dressing, or holidaying are laughed at.

The image of a strict disciplinarian comes to us from the armed forces. Military dictatorships, tyrannical rulers and tough-as-nails generals are credited with iron control and will power, strictly adhered to routines, authoritative and bossy behaviour and cold- hearted ruthlessness.

Which is why even today it is presumed that a fauji would not be able to integrate into the civilian mainstream, so acclimatised is he to things like protocol, punctuality, and sense of duty. All of which seem outmoded, boring concepts in the fast paced dog-eat-dog Generation Next scenario. What most of us miss is the typical fauji’s decency, sense of decorum and propriety in all the duties he discharges and the relationships he nurtures. He is straight, trustworthy and above pettiness. His sense of discipline comes from within.

In the modern civilian context using force to coerce and subjugate may appear old fashioned but the setting of limits, defining of parameters and laying down of boundaries can never be defunct or irrelevant. If anything, they help us stay focused, giving us a much-needed sense of direction. At a time when there is so much ambivalence about what is right and wrong, acceptable and unacceptable, self-discipline and self-control help us remain grounded. They give us the strength, wisdom and perseverance to handle the toughest of crisis without going to pieces and without getting tempted to compromise on our core values.

The good thing about the present generation is that they will not allow their teacher, parent, relative or employee to thrust discipline down their throats. They have to be convinced and sold on the concept before they can embrace it.

Discipline certainly does not imply using a whip or danda to get people to conform, obey, behave and deliver. This would tantamount to madness, brute force and corporal punishment. No one wants human rights activists gunning for them! Besides, this would be carrying discipline to its illogical conclusion. Discipline in today’s context is loving firmness. It is direction. It is prevention before a problem arises. It is harnessing and channelling energy for great performances. Contrary to popular belief, discipline is an act of love. When parents tell us to return home before sunset, to utilise morning hours for study, to cut out cheese-topped pizzas from our diet or to restrict our wardrobes to the bare minimum, we may rebel and stamp our feet in a mad fit of rage, blaming them for their lack of understanding. We may fail to see that their attempt at inculcating a sense of discipline in our lives is not out of any desire to make us appear small in our peer group or because they love us any less. It is a concerned act of love which tries to shield us from falling into a trap where excesses could lead to decadence, failure, and heartbreak. Don’t they say that sometimes one has to be unkind to be kind? Even though all medicine may not be sweet and all surgery may not be painless, a patient has to endure some suffering in order to regain lost energy and health.

Which is why children who have been brought up in a loving and disciplined environment end up respecting their parents and elders. They turn into law-abiding citizens going through life with their value system intact. Studies reveal that juvenile delinquency can be cut down by as much as 95 per cent if schools and homes were to practice a little more discipline. Discipline is indeed a hypnotic process where the will is taken over by another person. Most importantly, it is instilled not by fear but by practice.

Successful people are not rich, powerful and "happening" because they have hit the jackpot or because opportunities came their way and they ended up capitalising on their likes and strengths. There are times when they have to do things they detest. A person who is low key, preferring to work in the background, may find himself constantly having to deal with people. Inspite of being a loner, he may have to become sociable. Athletes and beauty queens may hate to count their calories but they stick to their diets because they know that this habit formation would hold them in good stead.

One of the key differences then between failures and those who are successful is that the former succumb to pressures, whims and fancies, while the latter surmount hurdles and personality flaws by sheer determination, will power and by carrying their head firmly on their shoulders. They stay in control by disciplining first their minds and then their bodies.

A soldier in the army, a monk in a monastery and a movie star striving hard to find a foothold in the big bad world of films — all have to make discipline a way of life if they have to taste the sweet smell of success.

These choices are taken very consciously. No one is putting a gun to their head. Self-discipline in no way acts as a killjoy. It actually builds on it giving one the pleasure of realising one’s true potential and the confidence that one can come out tops however topsy turvy the world may be.