For them culture is supreme
By Pratibha Chauhan

THE uniqueness of Tibetans lies in their distinct culture and religion and it is to preserve this that they do not prefer to go in for marriages outside their community.

Despite the Tibetans living in exile at Dharamsala here for 40 years there have been only a few cases of a Tibetan marrying an Indian or a foreigner. The fact that most of these have worked well has not led to a rise in marriages outside the community. Although there is a definite tilt and liking for the western way of life amongst the youth, they choose a spouse from their own community.

The Tibetans — young and old — are very sensitive to the threat of losing their culture and traditions by marrying outside their community. "We are still struggling to get freedom for our nation and at this juncture marriage outside the community could dilute our dedication and sincerity to the supreme cause in our lives," commented a class X Tibetan student.

In sharp contrast to these views is the case of Thupten, who after remaining a monk for 35 years, married a French woman, Danieel. He continues to be the director of the monastery which he set up and lives there with his wife. "I met him for the first time when he came to France in 1995 in connection with his religious work," disclosed Danieel. Since she has been associated with human rights and the Tibetan issue for the past 15 years, she arrived in Dharamsala in 1996 in connection with her professional work. "It was after constant interaction that we realised that we were compatible and shared the same aim in life to serve society," she reveals. They finally decided to take the plunge and had a traditional Tibetan as well as court marriage.

On his part, Thupten, though no longer a monk, practices his religion, excepting a few initiations not meant for married persons. "My dedication towards the Tibetan cause has in no way decreased and I am also the general secretary of the only Tibetan party, called the National Democratic Party of Tibet," he points out. Both Thupten and Danieel said their respective families had no objection to their marriage and had welcomed their decision.

The Secretary in the Department of Religion and Culture of the Tibetan government-in-exile, Lobsang Khedup, when contacted, said he had no objection whatsoever to such marriages as it was completely an individual’s decision. He said in the late sixties and seventies, a lot of marriages with Indians, took place and most of them proved to be successful. Being quite optimistic about such marriages, he said since Tibetan religion and culture came to Tibet from India, there was not much problem in adjusting. "Such marriages can in no way pose a threat to our culture, as we continue to be a well-knit community having our own separate settlements," he opined. Analysing the preference of the Tibetans to marry foreigners, he said the young had interest in the western lifestyle. Moreover, it provided them professional opportunities abroad.

Two young girls, Yangkyi and Chonyi, working in the Tibetan Secretariat, said they were not against marriages outside the community but as per the Dalai Lama’s wishes, would like to preserve their culture and religion by marrying within the community. "Choosing a life partner is a major decision which you cannot take till you know the other person quite well. Since we are living and working within the environs of our settlement, we do not get to know outside people too well," explains Chonyi.

Ritu Sarin, an Indian girl married a Tibetan youth, Tenzin Sonam, is settled here. It was while studying in Delhi University that they came in contact with each other. Being a mother of two, Ritu feels quite comfortable with the Tibetan culture and traditions. Both of them are into filmmaking.

Recently, a Swiss, Christophe Besuchet, married a Tibetan girl from a settlement in South India. Christophe has been associated with the Tibetan issue for some time and used to publish a magazine from Switzerland. He along with his wife, Tsering Dolkar, is working in the Amnye Machen Institute in Mcleodganj. Similarly, a former Minister for Religion and Culture of the Tibetan government-in-exile, Kalsang Yeshi, is married to a French woman, Kim. They are at present managing the Norbulingks Institute, set up for preserving the Tibetan art and culture. Barring one or two cases, the majority of these marriages have proved to be successful.

A Tibetan youth, Tenzin, working as a Press Liaison Officer, in the Department of Information and International Affairs, points out that as per the directions of the Dalai Lama, all Tibetans must marry within the community only. "There have been only a handful of cases where marriages outside the community have taken place and it is rather reluctantly that the Tibetan families concerned have accepted them," he discloses. He says that at present the situation is not alarming, but if there is an increase in the trend, it could pose a threat to the Tibetan culture and religion.

Basically, it is the unique culture and tradition of the Tibetans which attracts the foreigners, some of whom end up marrying Tibetan girls. On the other hand, some of the enterprising Tibetan youth also explore the opportunity of going abroad by marrying a foreigner. However, the number of such Tibetans, who marry outside the community is very small, as they are aware of the threat it could pose to their culture and identity.