Good parenting is a social duty
by Surbhi Kalra

IF we look around we find that there is increasing violence everywhere in the world, a crumbling of the foundations of society, which has created many problems — rising rates of divorce and family conflict, problem with alcohol and drugs and most important the inability to raise healthy and balanced children. There is a pattern of greater stress in children, which is challenging their physical and emotional health. If this is the kind of scenario we are providing to the tender buds, who have been bestowed to us to nourish, nurture and mature, then where are we heading for?

Parents today are making a serious mistake in raising their children. Instead of imparting them a genuine education and understanding, they are stressing more on the skills of imitation, manners and etiquette and are not letting them enjoy their period of creative discovery. Today’s parent’s want that children should match their footsteps, realise their own unfulfilled dreams and desires and thus bond them into their clutches. They are exerting force to control their child and in the process are suppressing child’s first hesitant effort to explore and learn. Due to this children’s curiosity, which is the most basic quality necessary for learning, is either being suppressed or killed and a deep pattern of repression and suppression is being created in the child’s personality. And because of this suppressed atmosphere children are reacting with violence, aggression and indiscipline.

Today the parents are more conscious about the career rather than in realising the natural potentials of their child. If we compare the attitude of parents of earlier generations with that of contemporary parents, we will notice a world of difference between the two. Whereas the parents of earlier generations were endowed with and surrounded by the beauty of the Creator’s forests, the children of today have access to the synthetic beauty of man-made garden. Earlier generations were closer to nature whereas today’s children are closer to matter, machine and technology. Their inner beauty is being replaced by outer matter. Everything is becoming rather materialistic. And that is one major reason why the behavioural problems of children are on the rise.

It is the responsibility of the parents to educate and train the children, nurture and raise them into fully blossomed people so that they can lead a good life. But parents are so much pressurised because of the competitive world that in the process of grooming their child in accordance with the demands of society, they are passing on their frustrations and anxiety on to them. Even for the socialisation of children they are depending upon the type of education that is being imparted by colleges and universities and in the process are forgetting that the real growing ground for the child is the home.

The other day I went to my friends house where accidentally, my friend’s child broke a vase and the next moment Iheard another loud sound—the sound of a tight slap by the mother on her son’s face. What gave me a shock was that the mother was more concerned about the breaking of the vase rather than breaking the heart of her child because the child had not yet learnt to appreciate its beauty and value. Here I would like to point out the role of a mother.

In a recent happening, Iwas shocked to read that a young boy shot an ice-cream vendor because he failed to give him his favourite flavour. What does all this reflect! Of course it is the faulty role model of the parents.

Parents sometimes think that if they do not express their negative attitudes aloud to their children, they will not know what is going on, but such parents are fooling themselves because even if they are asleep, the children can receive an awareness of these impressions. When parents disagree violently or when they are hostile to each other mentally, their negative thoughts disturb the children.

The language of silence affects the children a lot at the unconscious level and if the parents are in a conflict or if their relationship is not loving and harmonious, then their fears, confusion and conflict affect the children. Therefore, the parents should be careful that they do not harm their children by the thoughts and emotions they cultivate.

A frequent problem in parenting is that we don’t want our children to lie to us! We threaten, ‘‘Don’t lie to me or I will spank you!’’ Parents tell children to speak the truth, but children rarely understand these words, because they have seldom observed truth in behaviour of adults.

Another major factor that it hampering the proper growth and development of the children is that parents of today pamper their kids to a great extent. Not that I say that pampering is bad but excess of everything is bad. on the slightest pretext the demands of the children are being fulfilled. In the process, they fail to realise it’s value and become stubborn.

Now the question arises what should be done in order to improve the relationship between the child and the parent. Gone are the days when a child followed the parent’s footsteps blindly. Today’s child needs reasoning behind every act. So stop treating them as tiny toddlers who don’t have the requisite brains to understand. Give them logic and rationale and they will listen to you but instead of that if you will give them scoldings, spankings and thrashing they will become rebellious and will stop respecting you.

The first and foremost step is to show an interest in your child’s conversation. Whenever your child is telling you something stop doing all your work and concentrate fully on the child's words and actions. This will help in establishing a strong bond between both of you. Parents have a strong of habit of interrupting their child’s talk for correcting his speech or for cutting off his talk prematurely by arguing with his point of view. By doing so you are not providing the child with an ample opportunity to blossom fully and in the process you develop a strain between your relationship. This does not mean at the same time that your child has the freedom to speak or do anything of his choice. By letting him come out with his viewpoint you as parents get a full view. Not only does this avoid unnecessary argument but at the same time gives you an equal opportunity to explain your angle, thus avoiding tension and conflict.

Listen to your child with a soft touch. Don’t laugh, tear down or make it more difficult for the child to open up his heart and ideas to you and this can be done by encouraging your child to share his world with you. The best time to talk about his activities is at the dinner time when everyone is around and in a relaxed mood. Even the most reluctant child is likely to speak up at a show-and-tell meal.

In today’s world, where a majority of the parents are working and don’t have much time to hear their child everyday — it is best to have a weekly family council. Ask each member to bring up problems and discuss changes that might be made.

Allow your child to give expression to his negative feelings. When your child says, ‘I hate you’, acknowledge his feelings by saying something like, ‘You are angry’, rather than punishing him.

There are certain times when your presence or absence has a greater-than-usual impact. Any time you child is performing in the public is a prime time to show love and support. No matter how small your child’s role may be, your presence certainly makes a positive difference.

Remember, love does not spoil a child; too little discipline spoils a child. Love does not mean allowing wrong doings, fostering dependence. It means building a child’s feelings of self worth. So start today and fill every pocket of your child’s time with heaps of love.

Nurturing kids' creativity

In the present highly competitive age, with so much premium on results, children's creativity is often a casualty. Mala Sivaram chats up a few kids to find out how their creativity is nurtured and channelised—whether through their own determination or with active encouragement from parents.

Creativity is fun, creativity is imagination at its best, not limited or constrained by education or typeset thinking. That is the reason children are the most creative- they are fluent with ideas, enjoy thinking and given to unlimited questioning and sharing. But in the present highly competitive age, with so much premium on results, children's creativity is often a casualty.

Few youngsters dare to do what they always wanted to do. The way 21-year- old Nidhi Khurana, a graduate did. She had dreamt of a job in the fashion and beauty line, from the when she was playing with dolls.
"Since I was fond of all this— the fine arts, painting, etc— from my childhood, I did a one-year certificate course in beauty care. My parents supported my decision", she says.

Young Prasant Sudhakaran took to quiz contests for fun when he was just in class two. These contests whetted his curiosity and fulfilled his creative urge. Now at 16 , he holds scores of certificates and prizes to his credit.

Nisha Jain, mother of a daughter and a son, says, "I will allow my children to take up whatever course of studies they enjoy. All I do is pray to God to give them good sense."

Unfortunately, creativity, as understood by many parents , does not stretch beyond a few strokes on the canvas. And here too, only as a hobby, and not as an essential ingredient for a wholesome life in whatever career. For instance, children wanting to become engineers have hardly seen a carpenter’s workshop or an electrician or plumber working at home . The wannabe architects and landscape artists have seldom been given charge of the school premises.

Implanting their own missed opportunities and search for vicarious satisfaction, parents condition and instill into children courses or pursuits that are burdensome. Even more sadly, they stifle the creativity, experimentation urge and the need to learn in children, more out of apprehension that these pursuits do not lead to degrees and career opportunities.

Anish Bhalla wants to take up acting but not before finishing his education which is what his parents would like him to. Tejdeep, a bright teenager, stealthily pursues his talent for drawing car designs. Why? His mother wants him to score good marks in the Class XII examinations and the various entrance tests to engineering courses.

As a result, the flowering of the creative urge is limited to the few cases of dominant internal drive which refuses to die or the force of circumstances, like war.

It is important to seek out and nurture creativity, the earlier the better.

The price is originality , and the ability to solve problems independently, 10 years down the line. Schools do not spot that future Yamini Krishnamurthy or M.F.Husain, nor a Tiger Woods or for that matter, the much hero-worshipped Bill Gates.Nature has concealed at the bottom of everyone’s mind, talent and abilities of which even that person is not aware.

As Albert Einstein put it:" The important thing is not to stop questioning.

It is time parents as also children realise that creativity does not interfere with academic or career pursuits. Actually, it strengthens those very efforts and indeed our ability to deal with life itself.