Battle of the remote
By Jyotin

A joke for couch potatoes goes thus, ‘‘The head of the family is the one who has the remote control in hand ". If one goes by this dictum, then what happens when both spouses want to wield the remote and, that too, at the same time?

The husband comes home in the evening and wants to view the latest on the sports front. and that's just the time when the wife wants to watch Saans or Heena. Who emerges as the "head of the family" in such a scenario — the husband or the wife ?

Television viewing often symbolises the harmony, or the lack of it, between couples. Conflict in TV tastes can even spill into other areas of marital life. While at the workplace, the boardroom is said to determine the balance of power between the sexes, at home it is the "battle of the TV room" that can demonstrate who’s the boss and who calls the shots.

Unless the "battle of the remote" is resolved amicably, friction rather than cordiality marks the time a couple get to spend together, albeit in front of their television sets.There is always a lurking fear of this tussle of the remote leading to remoteness between spouses.

Where the TV tastes of couples match, TV viewing becomes a time for shared togetherness, strengthening their bond as they sit together, laughing, marvelling or simply commenting on the programmes they watch. When a couple doesn’t share the same TV preferences, an unwritten code may be evolved to demarcate their viewing time.

That’s how Rajeev Sharma, branch accountant in National Panasonic, and his wife, Rajeshwari, a lab technologist in the PGI, have apportioned their telly timings. An unstated understanding exists between the two for synchronising their favourite prime-time programmes. "Since I come home fairly late, my wife watches her regular soaps before my return. Once I’m back, she sees to dinner while I relax and plug in to a good movie or catch up with the latest in music", says Rajeev.

Accommodating the spouse's preferences is surely the key to happy viewing. And who practises this better than R.P. Singh, Deputy Manager in the State Bank of India, SAS Nagar. "Though my wife and I generally favour the same prime-time serials, in case there is no consensus, it is obviously I who gives in and thus ensures biwi harmony," he jokingly remarks.

Luckily, Divye, who is into floriculture, and his lifemate, Sonia, a research assistant, have to do no fine tuning of TV tastes since both agree upon which shows and channels to watch. Neither needs to wrest the remote away from the other as Sonia also enjoys watching WWF or cricket matches on Sports Channel or watching a good flick with her husband. The only little discord they have is over Divye's habit of constantly changing channels in the middle of a programme. This irritates Sonia, who likes to watch a programme to the very end.

The adage, 'A family that laughs together stays together", may well apply to the banker couple, D.P. Joshi and his wife Anu, who make it a point to dine together in front of the small screen and have a capital time viewing Aashirwad, Koshish — Ek Aasha and other serials.

Like the younger generation, the older couples too learn to balance their contrary tastes to arrive at a comfortable 'watch and let watch' formula. It is popularly believed that after a few years of marital bliss, couples tend to resemble each other. This probably holds good in ironing out any differences in TV viewing habits of much-married couples. This policy is evident in the case of Amrit Mathur, a retired government officer and his wife, Saroj. Out of sheer habit, they settle for the same channels and serials — be it news bulletins, chat shows or KBC.

So much about miya, biwi and TV and doing the balancing act with the remote. But what exactly are the specific preferences of both sexes. Talking to these couples revealed that telly tastes, much like reading habits, are gender specific.

The women are generally hooked on to family dramas — be it Aashirwad on Zee, Heena on Sony, Ghar Ghar Ki Kahani on Star Plus — or the latest Hindi movies. The men, on the other hand, are addicted to WWF, Sports, news, business bulletins and go for thrillers and chillers on the movie channels.

1.In cases where the wife is not working, she can watch her favourite serials or movies during mid-morning or the afternoon when the hubby is away. This gives the husband ample time to do channel surfing when he returns in the evening.

2.Since most kids are hooked on to cartoons, identify the time in the evening when they can plug in to Tom and Jerry, The Popeye Show or any other children's network.

3.Even between two or more kids, time can be apportioned in such a way that each sibling gets to see his programmes uninterrupted for at least half an hour.

4.Working couples,especially those who get to watch TV only late at night, can mutually fit in their prime- time preferences. The wife can watch one serial, be it Ghar Ghar ki Kahani or Movers and Shakers and then let her husband surf the news or sports channels.

5.Old parents and in-laws can fit in their viewing hours during the day since most popular serials run a repeat telecast the next day.

6.All family members must stick to their limited viewing schedules and respect the unstated understanding that exists in this regard.

7.Once in a while, each family member can be graceful enough to forego his/her telly schedule to accommodate the others' special events e.g during World Cup telecasts or the screening of movie awards.

Some don’ts to be observed...

Don’t insist on watching TV if it interferes with the comfort or activities of other members of the family.

Don’t continually interfere with the controls if the picture is satisfactory.

Don’t expect visitors to watch TV : ask them if they wish to look or not, and if they are not interested, do not press them.

Don’t sit up late watching TV every night, and don’t have the sound turned on full on the occasions when you do.

Don’t neglect your housework because of TV, if you are a housewife, and don’t neglect your homework if you are a school boy or girl.

Don’t allow your hobbies and your own creative activities to suffer because of TV.

Don’t watch every programme — exercise your critical faculties and show some discrimination.

Don’t continually pass critical remarks about programmes while you are viewing. You can discuss them afterwards.

In households where there is more than one television set, the scenario is varied. While in some homes the presence of two or more TVs further lessens the time a family spends together, in other cases, especially where there are noisy children clamouring to plug in to cartoons day and night, having separate TV sets can result in some peace as all family members get time and space to pander to their specific tastes. Samvedansheel, who has done a course in guidance and counselling from Panjab University’s Psychology department, has a whole new light to throw on TV habits. "Today, the kids are so opinionated that even if you have one TV set, they will not sit with you to watch a programme (other than cartoons) they’re disinterested in", she points out. "Even before we got the second TV, my daughters and husband would get up and go away the moment it was time for soaps likeSaans or Heena. TV is no longer a binding factor since tastes are so extreme and varied".

Commenting on the growing schism in families where kids make a beeline for their TV sets and parents settle down in front of their separate TV, Gurdeep Kaur, a psychologist, cautions, "Only where family members sit together to watch TV, can parents monitor the viewing habits of their kids and underscore family values by selecting the right kind of programmes". Very often, in houses where there are two separate TVs for parents and kids , there may be distancing among the members. "Children begin to relate to fictional characters rather than perceiving parents as their role models", she adds.