|
|
|
|
|
Fruit of labour
Every time a couple visits Dr Swapna Mishra with a precondition…"We will get our baby delivered here only if the husband is allowed inside the labour room"… she senses a change in attitude.
And this change, like every other change, took its time. It has been through the times when mid-wives were indispensable; then when doctors and nurses assisted in child birth in hospitals to now, when the expecting mother can demand the presence of her husband inside the labour room. The change, albeit in a nascent stage, is setting in for sure, "We get four to six such cases every month where a husband wants to be beside her wife during delivery," informs Dr Mishra, gynaecologist, Fortis. But has not the number of such cases remained constant? "That's because people have no clue if an option like this is available. When we ask them if they would like to be with their wives in the labour room they are surprised and readily accept the offer," she adds. The case of Kuldeep Thakur, an IT professional, and his wife Kusum Lata, however, was different. "My friends abroad shared their experience of seeing the baby getting delivered. Later, I too decided to be with my wife during the crucial moments," says Kuldeep. For Kusum, presence of her husband inside the labour room was special. "I can't forget how Kuldeep by my side was reciting his prayers slowly, wiping the sweat on my forehead and asking me to be patient." And this can for sure help cement the bond between couples. As Adarsh Kohli, additional professor, psychology, PGI, says: "The involvement of a father in bringing up a child is as it is less in India. This practice would encourage the father to be more concerned about his child." Also, Dr Mishra feels the fear that in certain cases fathers might not be able to deal with the situation is baseless. Ajay Dang, an engineer with a private firm, serves as an example, "I was counselled by the doctors as to what all would happen. Well prepared for it, I supported my wife while she was undergoing labour pains." Another blessing in such cases is that the sex of the child becomes immaterial. The only thing that Tilak Raj, a technician in a firm at Baddi, had on his mind at the time was - "My wife and baby should be healthy. It doesn't matter whether it's a girl or a boy." He adds that no doctor or nurse can help the wife the way a husband can at such a crucial moment. "I couldn't help my wife much but rendered her emotional support, which at that time was as important as the doctor's advise or medication." Charanjit Singh Suhi, a businessman, feels he is privileged to have helped his wife during delivery. "We must realise that being supportive for the nine months of pregnancy is not enough. It is important to be present at the most crucial juncture," he says. Charanjit believes that just because he has seen his wife go through immense pain, he feels more responsible as a husband as well as a father. Ditto for Kuldeep, who couldn't afford to be with his wife when their first baby was born as it was something unheard of at that time. As for his experience, just as every father in such a case told us, "I can't put it in words. It was an overwhelming experience." Are the would-be fathers listening? ashima@tribunemail.com |
|
You've got spam!
Of course, no one is spared the embarrassment and harassment of experiencing one of these shocking moments of Internet horror. And if you are socially active online, you become more vulnerable to hacking and stalking. Even if we rule out possibilities of cyber infiltration by using online safety tools, Spam - a generic term used to describe electronic 'junk mail' or unwanted messages sent to a person's email account or mobile phone - is becoming the easiest route to cyber-hacking. The recent Chinese 'hack-attack' that used popular social networking websites like Twitter, Google groups and Yahoo mail to access infected computers and connect them to Chinese control servers is an example of how easy a prey we are for cyber crime. And spammers apply these tools as part of their modus operandi. "Spammers collect e-mail addresses from chat rooms, websites, newsgroups and address books from various online accounts. Most hackers and spammers use crawlers to capture the e-mail accounts and use them to harvest viruses. "Although there is no foolproof security against it, one should avoid making personal e-mail accounts public," says Harvinder Narang, director, Define Web, Mohali. He maintains that 99 per cent of advertising mails are spams and are sent through invalid e-mail accounts. "The more the number of hits on these advertisements, the more is the online rating of these companies. So getting them in bulk can be a hacking technique," he adds. And spam has indeed given nightmares to a few. "An accidental click on one of the spam mails sent on my e-mail corrupted my account and obscene e-mails were sent to all my contacts," shares Tarandeep Kaur, a second-year student of UBS, Panjab University. "Since then I have deleted my account from social networking sites and remain invisible online." And it doesn't end here. Few of us know that there is another category of unsolicited messages apart from commercial mails. The ones that read, "If you don't forward them to 20 other users, bad luck will follow for 20 years". Such mails fall under Section 66-A of the IT Act (Amended), 2005, which categorises them under e-mail threats and cyber rumours. "Spam mails are part of hacking and anything that accompanies them becomes a cyber crime. Forced advertisements, enrolment messages and advertisements promising cash prizes fall under cyber fraud and cheating, invasion of privacy and tampering with the computer system. Chapeter 11 of the IT act largely covers these issues," says Sanjive Peter, practising lawyer at the Punjab and Haryana High Court. His word: "If you are recieving spam mails, your system is hacked." Well, the only solution that seems to be working in this case is increased cyber and legal awareness. "And try using the alpahabetic format in your e-mail id than using symbols. That way the crawler won't be able read the format," advises Harvinder. nehawalia@tribunemail.com |
|
When enough is enough
There will be time, there will be time TS Eliot's telling lyrics in his classic — The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock — aptly chronicled the superficiality, hollowness and make-believe realities of the modern world. Women, who claim to be liberated today, still find it hard to accept and fight back if their dream relationship (read marriage) starts crumbling. Often, they silently bear the abuse, hurt and humiliation, for there is tremendous pressure to be a couple in this society. Be it the fear of embarrassment or the arduous task of creating an altogether new identity for oneself; women who are in an abusive relationship are, more often than not, unwilling to walk out. But then there a few fighters, who dared to be different and did not hesitate to seize control of their lives, even with the odds heavily stacked against them. "The first step is definitely the hardest: the decision to leave," says Savita, a lawyer from the city. "But once you decide that you want and deserve a better life, the rest is much easier," she quips. Savita got married at 23 while she was still studying. "My husband never cared for me. But I consoled myself that probably all men treat their spouses this way. I thought time will change things, but it never happened. He just disappeared for three years only to surface again. Gradually, the stress started showing on me. I grew insomniac and obese. Finally, I had to seek psychiatric help. But when the doctor asked me to bring my husband along, he blatantly refused and said it was my problem," says Savita. "It was then I decided to get out of the relationship," she adds. Savita admits she was really scared in the beginning. "People told me that it's not possible for a single woman to survive in the society. The society is ruthless. I faced challenges at every step. There was no support from anywhere. But I was determined; now or never," says Savita, who took charge of her as well as her son's life, completed her studies, got herself a job and a place to live in. "Looking back, I realise that it's important to stand up for yourself. We all deserve a good life and we cannot ruin it just because of a dysfunctional relationship," she asserts. Meena Sharma, another 'survivor' from the city, agrees. "For a person who is already under trauma of an abusive relationship, the society only compounds the woes. But a persistent individual will overcome the obstacles,' says this businesswoman. "I was born with a heart problem, couldn't continue my studies because of frequent hospitalisation. I was married off at the age of 17. But marriage only meant more trouble. My husband was a drug addict, which left me shattered. Soon I gave birth to two kids and my life became a constant struggle. But what pained me most was that I came from a well-off family and yet there was no support for me. My decision to go for a divorce made me a 'pariah'," reveals Meena. "People around me made my life miserable. My neighbours said a divorced woman has no right to live and did everything to throw me out. No one would talk to me. Battling loneliness was the most difficult," she adds. But Meena dug her heels in, braving the storm. She started with a small confectionary outlet and soon made investments in realty business. Her risks paid off, she made money and her life was back on track. What' more, she found a true life partner who stood by her through thick and thin. Her son and daughter have completed their MBAs and are working with MNCs. "Once you are successful, people start respecting you. The society torments you only till you show signs of being a victim. Once you are up, they are nowhere to be seen," says Meena. It's not easy to break the shackles of an abusive relationship, opine experts. "Women in abusive relationships become prisoners in their own homes and it's very difficult for them to come out," says city-based psychologist Rajshree Sarda. "Women who are not financially independent tend to get more hit by an abusive relationship," she adds. As for a remedy, she suggests: "The first step is to garner support. Take your parents into confidence. The next is to tell the perpetrator that you will report him. Sometimes this is enough to send the message. If nothing works, then seek professional help." (Some of the names have been changed to protect
identity) mona@tribunemail.com
|
|
Bond Wagon
Relationship: Mother and Son Yet different: Friendly, gregarious, garrulous, talking nineteen to the dozen. - Samar More reticent and often moody - Simmi Unforgettable moments: Swimming together in Goa, swims in the club especially when I am told I can never beat the nine-year-old chit of a boy that he is! Watching movies together, eating popcorn and fighting over it, And him at five years telling me- "Cool it, Mom, Its not the end of the world. Relax!" (Wonder whether he has heard me talking to my patients?) - Simmi When she takes me for all my parties, soccer and basketball matches, when she gets me my game boys and forgets to confiscate my PSP! - Samar Funny takes: Every day when he laughs and relates all his antics and the way he walks, reminds me of myself when I was a kid - skinny, awkward. - Simmi In Australia when Mom would stop at the green lights and start driving at the red lights. I had to constantly remind her — "Mom, move, the light is green, don't stop!"—Samar Special something: His smile and affable temper - And tendency to say - 'One last time' every time the last time is already up! And never giving up - Does not let things get him down- "So what? its okay!". - Simmi Mama is forgetful and tends to get late but if she says she'll do something, she will - like take me for a movie even late at times or buy me something she promised. Yet, she doesn't over pamper me. Sometimes when she keeps telling me which tree is which though, I get bored. I'm happy with knowing 2-3 trees. Just because she is learning the names of trees, she thinks I want to as well. - Samar Wishful thinking: That he continues to be optimistic, does what he wants to in life by charting his own course and knowing what he wants. Whatever he does or becomes is fine by me as long as its what he wishes for. And lots of more fun times running in the park, bird watching, just being together yet respecting each other's differences.- Simmi. She is a wonderful mom and I would want her to be more organised and keep smiling. And not get angry at me and let me sleep later every day. I can handle it, Mom!— Samar. (Simmi is a psychiatrist and Samar goes to school) If you want to feature here, please email at lifestyletribune@gmail.com or mail at Bond Wagon, Lifestyle, The Tribune, Sector 29, Chandigarh, along with a photograph and contact number.
|
|
Baby blues
"A lot of men still view depression as a weakness," she told. Post and Antenatal Depression Association Australia chief executive Belinda Horton said: "There's still the misconception that it only happens to women. Men are almost the forgotten sufferers in a way."
— ANI Lifestyle invites responses from readers on the following issue: How to enjoy with your family in this hot, sultry weather. Please email the responses in around 200 words to lifestyletribune@gmail.com or post along with your photo and contact number to 'Relatively Speaking', |
|
Renee Writes
I seem to have the perennial question. What is romantic love? I am in my early 30s and I feel that I have been in love a few times but somehow it never felt like the real thing. I grew up reading the ethereal romances of Sohni-Mehiwal, Heer-Ranja and Sassi-Punnu and believed that one day it would actually happen like that. Should I wait for it to happen and keep my faith going or should I just forget about it and just find a nice and sensible life?
Aman Sidhu,
Chandigarh It is very refreshing in today's world to hear someone voicing innocent views on love. But then surely with your kind of temperament, you cannot simply just give up on your enlightened dream. If you believe in your idea very sincerely surely it will manifest in your life. After all we cannot allow ourselves to get so cynical that we forget about the beauty, we are capable of experiencing. Pray to god to grant you the joy and happiness your gentle soul deserves. I am sure God will listen to you. Girl trouble
I am 27 years old and sharing a room in Bombay with a girlfriend. We both work in the media and grew up together right from school . We have over the years had minor fights but this time I feel she has really blown it. She threw accusations at me and even called up my boyfriend to tell him what a terrible person I am. I walked out of the house with my bags and told her I would not come back. Now she is calling me up all the time. Should I get back to her? I feel very hurt and do not want to, but a part of me is still fond of her. Please guide me. Ragini Mahotra,
Patiala It is so difficult in a situation like this, because friendship is a complex emotional scenario. Here years of emotional bonding have been spent which cannot be written off just over one incident. But if that has started getting down to viciousness, than definitely the situation and the relationship need to be reviewed. If she is proving to be a threat in your relationship with your boyfriend then you must sort the matter out. It is her insecurity over losing you that she made all those remarks to him, if he is mature be will surely understand. Extend a hand of warmth but maintain your distance. Give her the feeling that she is emotionally understood and accepted by you, but tell her in not so many words that viciousness will not be acceptable at any cost. Give your relationship space. Look for another accommodation and maintain a balanced equilibrium with her. Be secure
I am a 28 years old woman. I got married a year back, but we don't get along well. He always prefers his friends to me. More over there is no limit to the number of friends that he has. I feel insecure and depressed all the time. We are working and living alone. I can neither leave him nor can I stay back with him because I definitely have to think of my parents. I am writing to you after trying every way out talking to my parents and in-laws. Nothing has helped. Priya,
Chandigarh Take heart there is no such problem in the world which does not have a solution. Just stop giving him insecure vibes. At least pretend for a while that you are all in control. If you show him that life without him hanging on your arm is quite tolerable, it's quite tolerable. He will take notice. Also do invite some common friends over every other evening so that it becomes a group that moves together. Treat him with a lot of love and affection and do not allow this small habits to perturb you. Try making plans for movies or theatre for just the two of you. Remember he is an insecure man with a low self esteem that is why he is giving so much in importance to his so called friends. Make him feel indispensable in your life. He needs to feel important. Give him that feeling and give this formula a try. Any action done with a clear heart will definitely show positive results. |
|
Keeping in tune with the latest season trends, it has free flowing, light-weighted fabric as chiffon, net, fine cotton silk, muslin (mul) and lace. The casuals include sarees in digital prints as well as hand painted. Suits are coupled with odhnis and hand painted on linen, kurtis and tunics in textured cottons, linen and pure chiffons and kaftans make a perfect summer wear. For semi formal occasions, Tatva has fusion sarees in tissue and georgette, suits in zardozi work, suits with cotton kantha stoles and kurtis and tunics of club wear range in satin and lycra. The formals section has embellished cocktail and wedding sarees with special emphasis on placement and unusual hues. The suits are result of innovative resham, sequins, pearl and gota embroidery with applique work and a hint of crystal. Sameer, another partner feels that the USP of the store lies in its constant focus on the 3 Ss - selection, selling price and service. Talking about the trends for summer he said that shades for the season are pastels. "Shaded tie and die technique is evergreen. This summer one can play with colors such as water melon red, sun shine yellow, aqua blue, old rose pink, candy pink, lilac and mint green to get that different chic look," he added. — TNS
|
|
Art of living
Almost blinded by the scorching sun outside, as we entered the temporary studio set up for the artist it took us a few minutes to adjust to the light inside. And there he was squatting on the floor, working on a huge canvas, fingers greased with oil colours…G. Gangatharan gives final touches to the painting with a piece of cloth.
It is Gandhiji's portrait in white, which stands out among the red, yellow, orange and golden used by the artist in the background. "I am going to sell-off this painting to a primary school in the city," he tells us, after finally acknowledging our presence in the studio. And that's what he aims for the other painting in the studio as well - "Sell them off to buyers". Not even once does Gangatharan hesitate while sharing his truth. "Why should an artist be shy of accepting how he earns his living? Like the white or blue-collar jobs, we too work to earn money. I don't see anything wrong in it." What surprises him, though, is the notion people carry of art. "They think that for an artist painting is a mere hobby, which involves just pleasure and no hard work. But that's not the case." Agreed. An artist has to work hard, ideate every time he sits in front of the canvas. The reason, at times, it takes months for him to complete a painting. "I don't finish a painting aimlessly. It has to come from within. It has to be based on a fresh idea, which requires travelling, meeting new people and minutely observing everything around me." And hard work sells at a price not everybody can afford. So, is art only for the elite? Will it always be out of reach of the middle class? Gangatharan has a viable suggestion, "In the West, governments deduct some part of the salary that's given to the employee at the time of retirement. That amount is meant just to buy a piece of art." He adds that if the provision is not available in India, people should take the initiative of saving some amount just to buy a work of art. In a few years time, this can work out. Although from Tanjore, Gangatharan, is not into traditional form of art. "Modern art imposes no restrictions on me. I paint with colours and forms I wish to on a certain day." Most of his works are a mix of semi-figurative and semi-abstract. And he likes bright colours. "Colours of the sun like, red, yellow and orange are my favourite. They reflect my mood aptly when I am working on the canvas." His reaction was also sought on the Husain episode, which he deeply regrets. "It's important to value our art and artists." And the only way to sensitise people towards art is to? "Catch them young. Introduce workshops in schools. Have labs like the ones we have for science subjects. Once the basic understanding of art is there, appreciation will follow." And this is precisely one of his motives behind selling his painting to the school! ashima@tribunemail.com |
|
Nevertheless, Sunidhi gave in to the request of mediapersons at the launch of talent hunt show Indian Idol on Tuesday night and copied music composer Anu Malik’s style of singing and interacting. “I can copy Anu ji...I am sure he won’t mind,” said Sunidhi, who will be seen co-judging the fifth season of Sony Entertainment Television’s Indian Idol along with Anu Malik and music director Salim Merchant. The 26-year-old, who performed songs like Shut up and bounce and Deedar de at the launch, has been a brand in Bollywood singing for over 12 years. In 1996, she won the Meri Awaaz Suno music competition on Doordarshan and later went on to give Bollywood hit numbers like Dhadak dhadak (Bunty Aur Babli), Bhaage re mann (Chameli), Mehboob mere (Fiza), Dhoom machale (Dhoom), Beedi jaliale (Omkara) and Chor bazaari (Love Aaj Kal), among many others. Sunidhi says she just couldn’t say no to Indian Idol and felt it was the right time to do such a show. “I got a lot of shows before this. Almost every singing show was offered to me on TV. But I wasn’t ready then. I didn’t feel like doing them then. But then when this season was offered, I thought - ‘If not this, then what?’ So I went ahead and I am very happy with my decision,” she said. Sunidhi also admitted that one of her motives to join the show was her desire to meet small town aspirants and motivate them. She is also on the lookout for a versatile singer. “Our main focus this time is going to be on getting an excellent singer - a singer who sings everything, including classical and then maybe some western. That will be a complete package,” she said. Indian Idol 5 will go on air starting next week Monday and will be telecast from Monday to Thursday every week at 9 pm. — IANS
|
|
Indian twist
Witherspoon’s company Type A Films and two Canadian production companies, Brightlight Pictures and Rhombus Media, will jointly produce the film to be called Under the Bridge. “We are committed to bringing Under the Bridge to the big screen and making a film that does this story justice,” Type A Films said in a statement here Tuesday. In what remains Canada’s most famous teen murder case, the Indian-origin girl was beaten unconscious and then drowned by eight white teenagers in November 1997. Many Indo-Canadians saw racism in the attack as seven white girls and a boy, aged 14 to 16, had repeatedly bashed and then drowned Virk ina gorge on the outskirts of Victoria. Her body was found floating in the water a week later. Of the eight accused, the six (all girls) were given minor sentences and released. The only boy, Warren Glowatski, was sentenced for life in 1999, but has been released on day parole since. Kelly Ellard, the last accused, was put behind bars for life last year. The Virk family came to Canada from Ambala city in Haryana in 1979. — IANS
|
|
Hollywood actor Julianne Moore’s children only care about their mother’s parenting skills and are not interested in her professional achievements. The Chloe star, who is married to director Bart Freundlich insists her 12-year-old son Caleb and eight-year-old daughter Liv Helen thinks it is “great” they are only concerned with her parenting and haven’t even expressed any desire to read her Freckleface Strawberry children’s book series. “My book is never requested at home. They’re very disinterested in what I do for a living. Children are interested in you being their parent, and that’s really what they want. It’s a great thing,” Moore said. However, the 49-year-old actor is teaching her kids to think about the lives of other people around them. “They go to a Quaker school, and one of the things in the Quaker community is about community service and what you can do to help others. We’ve been given a lot in our lives, and so we talk about that. What do you do to help out? Simple things like cleaning up a park, but just the idea that it’s your responsibility as a member of a community to help out other people,” Moore said.
|
|
Antonio BXanderas confirms fourth Shrek film Hollywood actor Antonio Banderas has confirmed that there will be a fourth Shrek movie which will focus on his character of Puss in Boots. The Mask of Zorro star lends voice to the mischievous cat in the animated ogre franchise and has already started working on the new film alongside Salma Hayek and Zach Galifianakis. Banderas, who reprises the role in the upcoming fourth and final Shrek film, Shrek Forever After, has revealed that the upcoming project will be based on Puss In Boots’ childhood. “I already did the first recordings and it’s going to be called Puss In Boots — it starts when he was very little. He was in an orphanage when he first discovered the effect he has on people — that’s when he starts being intelligent,” he said. The Spanish actor is delighted he doesn’t have to hang up his boots just yet, because he loves using his natural accent at work. “When I got to the US, I was 30 at the time, I didn’t speak the language at all. The fact they gave me a character for the use of my voice only was quite surprising, but I suppose I have such an accent that is so recognisable that they thought it was perfect. Because I had been playing characters that were bigger than life, heroic, stuff like that, putting it into a tiny body of a pussy cat was fun,” said Banderas. — PTI
|
|
|
| HOME PAGE | |
Punjab | Haryana | Jammu & Kashmir |
Himachal Pradesh | Regional Briefs |
Nation | Opinions | | Business | Sports | World | Letters | Chandigarh | Ludhiana | Delhi | | Calendar | Weather | Archive | Subscribe | Suggestion | E-mail | |
While checking your e-mail, once in a while a sudden curious click on the spam column connects you to forwarded links that point you over to some porn site or a Viagra boutique. Or a mail that sends a virus to your account. What's worse? Your e-mail account being locked and your contacts wiped out.
Postnatal depression is not just restricted to women, new dads too get hit with the blues. According to Beyond Blue, deputy chief executive, Dr Nicole Highet, the growing number of stay-at-home dads, additional financial stress and not being prepared for the full extent of the challenges, make men vulnerable, thereby putting them at increased postnatal depression risk.
Tatva, a store in sector 17, houses creations of young and budding designers in trinity. During the next three days shopping bonanza Tatva has in offing creations by city designers. "We have got a perfect blend of spring and summer wear. The attractive offers and discounts are available too," said Shivani Mahajan, store partner.
Sunidhi Chauhan has been known as a singer all along, but did you know her talent for mimicking other artistes? She says she left it ‘long time ago’ because some people took offence. “I have left doing mimicry. I realised that a lot of people didn’t take it in the right spirit and used to feel offended, so I gave it up. Not that I ever did it professionally, but I left it long ago,” Sunidhi said.
Hollywood actor Reese Witherspoon will produce a film on the murder of Indo-Canadian girl Reena Virk who was beaten and then drowned in Victoria city near here in 1997. The murder of Reena Virk by white teenagers had made international headlines 13 years ago, leading to calls for stricter juvenile justice laws in Canada.