CHANDIGARH INDEX






To sir, with love 
The recent inclusion of harassment-by-the-teachers chapter in the city’s academic history may have given the student-teacher relationship a bad name, but love between them is not always dishonorable, says Saurabh Malik

Harassment-proof your Child

  • Encourage him or her to speak their mind out.

  • Share moments on the dining table.

  • Study the child’s body language. A flush says more than a thousand words.

  • Expensive gifts from teachers can indicate more than a classroom relationship.

  • Though not bad,  over-admiration can  indicate other things. 

Call it puppy love or fatal attraction, his prolonged stare makes her see things that are not there. Reading too much between the lines, Mridula confuses his anger as a sign of extra attention and blushes every time he asks her to repeat the answer. At home, she rehearses lines from metaphysical poet John Donne’s The Canonization:

“We can die by it, if not live by love, And if unfit for tomb or hearse our legend be, it will be fit for verse”.

But facing him in the classroom she finds herself crucified. Mridula’s teacher for two years now, Rohit S. (34) knows the under-grad is more interested in studying him as the protagonist of her love story rather than old William Shakespeare. But happily married for over four years now, the young college lecturer ignores her suggestive jokes and deliberate, accidental touching.

Common love

Exposed for hours though within the confines of classrooms, such teacher-taught affairs arising out of “normal human behaviour” are not uncommon in schools and colleges across the city. Whether professors initiate the student into the book of love, or students take them out for a beyond-the-classroom discussion — the question is inconsequential. The fact remains that the tingling chemistry created out of the Mars-Venus clash between the teacher and the taught has often ended in the ceasefire of marriage.

In city’s academic circles, at least three couples have tied the knot after emotional tangles in the classrooms. In journalistic circles also, couples have made news by going beyond professional bonding to enter into matrimony. And most of them live happily ever after.

Relationship so natural

Ask them and they say it’s all very natural. A former city student married to her university teacher, who does not want to be named, says: “Love can be true and satisfying among the teacher and the taught also despite the initial imbalances of power between the couples. Though he still loves to scold me, we remain happy in each other’s company.”

Explaining the phenomenon, DAV Model School, Sector 15, principal Rakesh Sachdeva says: “The teacher is always a guide, it’s but natural for a student to start depending on the tutor. And with their limited exposure, the students sometimes cannot think beyond the instructor.” She believes that men also seek youth and beauty in a partner. On the other hand, women in all the cultures look for providers — men with money, power, maturity and ambition. This explains why secretaries marry their bosses and students their teachers.

Dangerous liaisons

A sociology lecturer in a local college agrees that in the recent past, the inclusion of the harassment chapter by teachers in the city’s academic history has given the bonding a bad name.

To begin with, you had the Sector 16 school case in which power imbalance between a vulnerable student and a mighty faculty member rendered the consensual teacher-taught relationship essentially non-consensual. Then you had students of a Mohali-based fashion designing institute accusing their instructor of forwarding coarse messages. And now allegations are that a government school teacher has allegedly abducted a Class X student.  

The lecturer believes that somewhere down the line “the overall falling standards and the collapse of the social system” is affecting the sanctity of the student-tutor relationship with so many teachers also willing to grab opportunities.

He adds that even parents are to blame for the problem. “They just do not talk to children and have no idea what’s going on in their lives. As such, children don’t share their problems with parents and become victims of the silence conspiracy”.

Wedding bazaar
Priya Gill

Sadar Bazaar in Ambala Cantt is a must-visit for would-be brides and grooms

The shopping paradise of the North, Ambala Cantt., is committed to keeping up with the latest trends while cutting consumer costs. Several wedding apparel outlets, tell us what is new in the market and how they can afford to reduce prices and keep customers satisfied.

Kala Mandir, located in the Sadar Bazaar, has been around for 31 years and owner, Prem Jain, says their prices are lower than Chandigarh as they purchase directly from the manufacturer. “We buy our material for much cheaper, and can therefore sell it for much cheaper. Our prices are at least 10 to 20 per cent less than Chandigarh.”

They boast a colourful collection of wedding apparel from every corner of India and always ensure that they keep up with the latest trends. They get their materials from Banaras, Bangalore, Hyderabad, Karnataka, Tamil Nadu, Jaipur and Kolkata.

The owners have a direct contact with designers all around India who make dresses on order. “Each piece is unique and only distributed here. We don’t have two of a kind.” They prefer to go to not-so-big designers so they are able to buy and sell for less.

“At the moment, suits and lehengas coming from Kolkata are most popular. They have good workmen who are very committed and also labour is cheaper there.”

Their wedding lehengas start at Rs 5,000 and wedding suits start at Rs 13,000.

Traditional colours for wedding attire are still in fashion and in high demand, Prem says. “Brides are still going for the classic look and wearing maroon and red. Orange is also a popular colour these days.” Big embroidery and heavy detail on lehengas are sought after, due to the influence of Bollywood films, he says.

Sialkot House is also situated in the Sadar Bazaar, which was opened just after the Partition. Owner Suman Jain says they have about 500 to 600 regular customers from Chandigarh.

They too purchase directly from the manufacturers. “If you purchase an wedding apparel for Rs 1 lakh in Chandigarh, you will pay only Rs 75,000 to 80,000 here, Suman says.

Their wedding suits range from Rs 5,000 to 50,000 and their wedding lehengas range from Rs 1,000 to 50,000.

Suman agrees that the trends remain faithful to the tradition with red, maroon, and deep pink rulling the roost. Sialkot House gets their suits from Bangalore, Mumbai, Kolkata, Ahemdabad, Surat, Varanasi, Lucknow, and Bareilly.

When asked why people travel to Ambala Cant. to shop for their wedding attire, Suman says, “the water is sweeter here and so are the people”.

Blooming happiness
Though the bungalow is more or less locked ever since Col Balwant Singh made his final exit from the world, chuckling clusters of red and gold, blossoming in the beds still greet guests
Saurabh Malik

Green Tips

  • Plan before you plough. You should have a clear picture of what you wish to grow.

  • Personal care of each and every plant is a must. Just make sure the plants are neither dehydrated, nor flooded.

  • Regular weeding is a must. Spend at least an hour in the garden.

In any other house, with the owners away, weeds of gloom would have taken over but not here. For, ever-so-faithful gardener Ram Naval’s sweat mingles with the soil to make this garden in Sector 9 Chandigarh’s best in the medium-size category. Just in case you do not know, the garden was adjudged Numero Uno among the ones with area over one kanal but less than 2 kanals during the recently-concluded Rose Festival.

Standing there at the gate, watching the lush-green grass carpet gently rise towards a side, one cannot help but give credit to the young gardener hailing from Uttar Pradesh. For all of us so accustomed to the process of overseeing the gardener even as he waters the green beauties, it may come as a surprise that Ram Naval actually works here for over eight hours every day on his own just to see his efforts bear fruit.

His explanation is simple. “I love flowers. Besides, I owe it to the Colonel. He practically taught me everything about gardening from the right time to plant seeds to proper care and handling. You see, he himself was an avid gardener,” he tells.

Taking you around the garden, Ram says: “Proper planning and timely sowing, along with the right variety and number of flowers went a long way in convincing the judges to adjudge it the best. We are practically reaping the benefits of what we have sown.”  

As you talk to him, the whiff of freshness emanating from the neat rows of marigolds bordering beds full of salvias, geraniums, dahlias and petunias soothe the nerves. Looking at the junipers — the desert shrub of Syria and Arabia — with tiny white flowers and stalks along the walls, you realise personal care has gone into nurturing the garden.

“There is no substitute for hard work. If you want smiles to bloom along with flowers, you have to sweat it out,” Ram concludes, before going returning to turning over the soil in the flower beds, full of unlimited pleasure.

Zip, Zap, Zoom
City women take to the wheel today for a car rally
Saurabh Malik

Living life on the fast track, city girls are gearing up to drive all the way into yet another male bastion. After walking shoulder to shoulder with men in the corporate world, they are now getting ready to negotiate the sharp curves of lives all the way to Kiarighat in Himachal Pradesh during the SantaBanta.com’s Women’s Car Rally.

The first of its kind, the rally is scheduled to be flagged off from the Lake Club at 8 am today, along with the North Colours Vintage and Classic Car Rally. Participants of both the events will zip uphill simultaneously. It is, perhaps, the first time in the country that two different rallies are forming part of the same event.

The organisers say the rally is intended to place women in the drivers’ seat for displaying their expertise in the so far male dominated sport. The vintage and classic car rally, on the other hand, is open to any car manufactured prior to 1960. The members of The Chandigarh Classic and Vintage Car Club are expected to be the main participants.

The rally drivers will traverse the same route. Respecting the “oldies”, the speed for the vintage and classic cars will be slower. After covering 120 kms, the participants will finally brake at Kiarighat on NH22. Since this is a “reliability trial”, the route is undisclosed. The road book will be handed out at the flag-off.

The organisers clarify it is not a speed event and will run on the highways and by-ways. As such, it is imperative for the competitors to obey road rules and regulation outlined in the Motor Vehicles Act. To ensure the safety of the entrants, an ambulance with a qualified medical team from the Fortis Hospital will accompany the vehicles. A break-down van will also be present throughout.

After lunch at Kiarighat, the entrants will be free to take a leisurely drive in the hills and return to Chandigarh for the final results and prize distribution. The function will be followed by a gala dance and dinner. The event is being organised by Himalayan Motor Sports, a professional motor sports organisation. Just in case you do not know, the organisation has successfully run eight editions of the Raid-De-Himalaya.

The first prize for both the events is a return ticket for two on Indus Air between Chandigarh and Mumbai. Second prize is a TV set. The third prize winner will get a microwave oven. Remaining participants will get a souvenir and a certificate of participation.

There is a prize for the best dressed couple as well. Ladies have been asked to make sure their beaus are in their Sunday best. A prize for the Best Period Costume to compliment the Vintage or Classic Car is also being offered. The best looking vintage and classic car will also win a prize. Ditto for best looking motorcycle! Folks, if you have the drive, get ready for the action. 

Matka chowk 
The world of courthouse notices
Sreedhara Bhasin

I had the uncertain fortune of visiting the Chandigarh district courts the other day. While I waited outside the courthouse on a windy afternoon for my pending work to get completed, I had a look around. There were tables adorning huge signs promoting multi-faceted paralegal services, albeit the grammar in some of them could have done with some revisions. However, in the world of attestation and notarisation – linguistic correctness always takes a back seat to verbiage and obliqueness.

Rising above the bad habit of proof reading, I did try to read all the notices and signs around me with an open mind. I found some of them quite unusual and amusing. For example, there were lots of signs prohibiting spitting in the court complex. I have seen notices in the past about smoking and loitering, but vehemence in anti-spitting warnings, that, I have rarely seen.

There was a particularly interesting notice about NRI’s -abandoned brides – not a laughing matter, but not a matter to be stuck to the wall in bright red either.

The semi-legal folks sitting at the various tables also displayed some enigmatic signs. At one table, it said “Attestation fee of Affidavits is Rs 10 per oath.” One said: “Documents to be certified by Vipul(name changed, of course) Sharma, Ph D in criminology and criminal administration (I never knew that could augment verity of documents!).”

A lot of people seemed to be waiting. One man – presumably a notary - was busy signing. A boy, barely fifteen, had the papers under his supervision. He stamped the papers with an assortment of rubber stamps with mind-boggling speed and handed them out to be signed duly by the notary. For me, it was like a well-rehearsed Bharatnatyam. Once they were done, they attended to another young man, with a sheaf of papers in his hands. He informed the notary in an apologetic tone: “Sir, sign reh gaya,” and pointed to some congested stamp imprints on the paper. The notary scratched his pen on those places, filling in omitted signatures on an older stamp.

As I looked around, there came a young man from the courthouse. He was donning a bright red t-shirt that had a yellow sign splashed across the chest : My Dad is my ATM.” Admiring the ingenuity of the sign, and reflecting upon the need for an ATM in the courthouse, I left. 

Beauty comes calling
Smriti Sharma

Standing tall: This down-to-earth beauty queen is ready to pass on the crown to her successor.

She kept us all waiting. But when Miss India Neha Kapur finally descended on the venue, the wait proved to be worthwhile. The tall, leggy beauty queen, who came launch a hair clinic at Mohali, turned out to be quite a crowd puller.

Clad in a straight ice-blue pair of denims and kurti, the girl comes with no air or the usual starry hang-ups. This Delhi girl spoke in lengths about the current scenario of the international beauty pageants.

With the coming Miss India pageant just a month away, Neha says, “Being a Miss India for one year is more than enough, for at times it becomes stressful and tiring. I have travelled a lot throughout the country and abroad meeting and talking to all kinds of people and now I am ready to pass on the crown to my successor.”

In the 90’s Indian beauties won almost all the international pageants, a practice that has just stopped suddenly. Giving an insight, Neha says, “That was the time when our country was emerging out and the cosmetic companies had just begin to enter the Indian market, so naturally the inclination was towards this country. But now the focus has shifted.”

A student of fashion designing at Pearl Academy of Fashion, modelling happened by chance for Neha, who initially walked down the ramp for pocket money. Content with her modelling career at the moment, the pretty lady is in no hurry to go to Bollywood.

Gearing up for the upcoming fashion week, for an evening bash or going out with friends, creations by designer Tarun Tahiliani, Rohit Bal, Rohit and Rahul Gandhi is what she personally opts for.

“I don’t consider myself conventionally beautiful but when I came into modelling I was just being myself without ever trying to ape someone and was always open to criticism with a willingness to learn.” Now that’s a sound piece of advice from a beauty with brains.

Hair and now

A launch invitation doesn’t necessarily bring cheer on an otherwise windy, dusty Saturday morning unless it’s unique. This one was exactly that. Finally, the city residents have a reason to rejoice, for the first ever-exclusive hair and scalp clinic, Richfeel Trichology Centre opened at Mohali. And to inaugurate the clinic, the reigning Miss India, Neha Kapur, was present.

This Mumbai-based hair treatment clinic aims to take care of all hair and scalp related problems with a scientific approach. Running its chains of clinics in Delhi, Mumbai and Ludhiana, the company and its founders, Dr Sonal Shah and Dr Apoorva Shah, have been the official hair care experts to the femina Miss India contestants for the past six years.

So say goodbye to all those hair-related problems like hair fall, hair breakage and dandruff, scalp psoriasis, loss of hair, which are commonly persistent. ‘With an aim to give total hair solutions, first a hair sample is taken and is sent to Mumbai at the trichology centre for complete analysis where the hair fall ratio is monitored and then solution is provided further after taking down the complete medical history of the person,” says Dr Ashit Shah from Mumbai. Interestingly, out of the total 335 trichologists all over the world, the two founders of the company are the certified in India with their names duly featured in the prestigious Limca Book of Records.

Along with the treatments, the counsellors also recommend a variety of food supplements as all hair problems are due to some internal body malfunctioning. The treatment is even for those with healthy hair and wish to maintain the same. So go ahead, give the crowning glory what it deserves. — S. S.

Haywire
Lip service and service to the lips
Chetna Keer Banerjee

The recent Women’s Day hype may or may not have been mere lip service to the cause of emancipation. But one thing it certainly was: an occasion to service the lips, and more. Going by the rash of special offers doled out to women by beauty boutiques and salons on that day, it would seem that women’s lib is more about gaining liberation from all those rashes and warts that are a seen as blot on the face of womanhood.

Therein lies the irony. Women may be inching ahead in the battle of the boardroom, but they’re also losing themselves to the battle of the inches. They may be liberating themselves from the shackles of discrimination but are becoming willing slaves to the scalpel. They’re shedding age-old inhibitions and mind-sets but are burdening themselves with worries about waistlines.

Look at the sheer numbers that are going in for facial or anatomical enhancement. Anything for that perfect chiselled or sculpted look.

From agonising themselves into a state of anorexia to being sleepless over bodily statistics, females are offering slim resistance to cosmetic enslavement. Botox and silicone implants are the new tools of their subservience.

Blame it on the marketers or the burgeoning beauty of business. The minds of women are being colonised by the badshahs of brands and beauty biz. First, they bombard the female psyche with higher benchmarks of beauty, be it images of well-sculpted ranis of ramp, pageant princesses or style divas.

Fed on these perfectly packaged icons, the ordinary woman is increasingly perceiving herself as being cosmetically challenged. And her subtly manufactured, higher cosmetic aspirations are leading her to become an easy pawn in the hands of that mushrooming tribe—-the maharajas of makeover. Be it the hair boutique down the lane, the upmarket nail bar, the cosmetologist round the corner or the slimming salon next door. They’re all making booty out of the beauty boom simply because in the modern woman they have a willing recipient.

Take the avid kitty-hopper who paid thousands to have her hair highlighted in a flashy hue so that the spotlight could be on her at the next get-together. Simply because that was the style sported by the protagonist of a popular soap on the tube.

Or a middle-class housewife who didn’t mind spending a tiny fortune on a tummy tuck just because she wanted to flaunt backless cholis in her cocktail circuit.

Not to forget the ambitious 20-something chick who splurged her parent’s hard-earned rupees on bust enhancement to improve her chances as a model.

In living up to and aspiring to these superfluous benchmarks of beauty, the women may be upping their social or professional standing and their male-baiting quotient. But they are also unwittingly becoming easy bait for those engaged in their cosmetic subjugation.

There’s a fat chance of a facelift furthering the cause of women’s uplift, really.

All that silver

Just Silver, an exclusive showroom for silver jewellery specialising in the latest variation of fashionable silver ornaments, has been inaugurated in Sector 44-D, Chandigarh. The opening was done by Ritu Kocchar, Director, NIFD.

The vast range is in several finishes include a variety like Rodium silver, Sterling silver, gemstones and Victorian.

The designer collection is suitable for brides as well as for casual and office wear. With Indo-Western dresses in vogue these days, it is offering a vast range of contemporary silver jewellery. Some of them are imported from Italy and Thailand.”

The collection includes nose pins, toe rings, ear rings, jhumkis, anklets, clip-ons, band rings, hasli, hoops, necklaces, pendant sets, ear tops and bangles that come with a guarantee. —TNS

Taking Haryanvi folk to new heights
Usha Sharma has danced her way into the hearts of international audiences
S. D. Sharma

The vast assemblage burst into a lofty applause as Jawahar Lal Nehru, the then Prime Minister enraptured by entrancing her aesthetic spell, rose to bless child prodigy Usha.at a public function. “The adulation showered on me by Nehru Chacha at the model gram samaroh made me a star among school children,” reminisces Usha with pride.

After over two decades she had the same feeling during her ICCR sponsored performances in all African countries. “Such was the dynamism of my Haryanavi dance sequence on the song ‘Manne aave hichki’, that the foreign audience and media went crazy and hailed me as the hichki girl.”

Usha later graduated to become an acclaimed folk dancer, Kathak danseuse and heroine of the first silver jubilee Haryanvi film Chandrawal and many more produced by her poet husband Devi Shanker Prabhakar. The Haryana Government had honoured her with Life Time Achievement Award for Propagation of Art and Culture on International Woman’s Day recently.

Having established herself as a pioneering folk dancer, Usha has many firsts to her credit like winning the coveted Miss Talkatora title, first woman Haryanvi dancer to perform on national TV and at international venues. She has learnt the finer nuances of Kathak from the legendary Pandit Birju Maharaj, Kundan Lal Gangani and Maya Rao.

She never looked back after her first ICCR performance in Afghanistan and has performed in many other countries. As the director of Haryana Kala Parishad, Usha Sharma has a resolve to promote the rich Harynavi folk culture and its performing and visual arts on an international level. She feels that no art form can retain its vigour and vitality for long unless enriched by blending modernity with tradition. She is attempting to give a fresh dimension to the presentation of Swaang to compete with other contemporary dance forms without sacrificing the timeless earthy folk flavour.

Meet the brothers

Harmeet & ManmeetRemember the song on Mika-Rakhi controversy that created waves all over the small screen? Wonder how the song came into being? Well, here’s how it goes— straight from the horses mouth, Meet Brothers Harmeet and Manmeet—“we were sitting with Mika in our studio and were actually questioning him about the party incident. Interestingly we asked him in a musical way only to realise that we got the lyrics of the song”, quips in the duo who are in town to promote their album Out of Control Punjabis.

So the pair is all set to take forward the idea conversational rap songs in Hindi after the success of their maiden attempt, Ae bhai tune pappy kyu li. “Until now only films were made on situations and now we have started the trend of the songs as well and hopefully we are planning to carry forward it,” they say. Interestingly, the bothers-in-arms have worked in many tele serials like Kkusum and Kalash but as of now, acting has taken a backseat.

“After doing those roles on small screens we realised that actors get typecast in the kind of characters they play and it limits their creativity,” says Manmeet, the elder brother. It is stage performances that the two enjoy the . The brothers are all set to launch their own radio station in Gwalior called Radio Chaska and promise to create a difference with their channel’s using their own knowledge of music.

But if there is one thing in common that both the brothers don’t believe in –it’s planning. “We have never really planned anything. We just take things as they come,” they chorus.

Currently two other videos of their songs, Nakhra and Tere Bina from the same album are doing the rounds of the channels these days. — S. S.

Gearing up for summer 
Priya Gill

A small room in Aroma Hotel swarms with women desperate to stock up on designer summer wears. The room buzzes with commotion as hands fondle the fabrics and every 10 minutes or so a considerable portion of stock seems to vanish from the racks.

Bubbles Saighal and Gunmala Kapur have come from Delhi to exhibit their exclusive line of block print suits. Their company Aanandi makes a range of salwar kameez, dupattas, and linen for women of all ages. Most of the pieces are not readymade so one can have the suits tailored. “We have had a great response in Delhi, so thought we would try Chandigarh to see what the response would be like here,” tells Gunmala.

They claim to produce exclusive and distinctive block-printed work, which is in a league of its own. Well-known Delhi artists like Bulbul Sharma and Nimrit Handa make their own specialised blocks, which are used for the suits. “We use a fusion of new blocks with old traditional methods,” explains Gunmala. “Our colours are very strong and bold unlike other block-printed colours which tend to be dull.”

The business partners are army officer’s wives and longtime friends who were in search of a creative outlet, which they could put their spare time and energy into. “We felt we must get involved in something and keep busy,” Bubbles says. They have been running their business for one year and seem to have a flair for matching and mixing blocks, colours, and fabrics.

The particular look of this line is summer casuals primarily using cotton and an ample amount of black and white or white on whites mixed with a slight hue of colour. “The cottons are popular and are selling like hot cakes at Rs 950 each. Summer is approaching so people are stocking up at the right time,” tells Gunmala.

Other materials available are crepe, summer cool and fine spuns. Readymade kurtis are available in crepe and the black and gold coloured pieces have been selling consistently. Their suits are colour dyed and they claim to use ecologically-friendly pigments. On today till 7 pm

First Day First Show
Has Vikram Bhatt lost his touch?

What on earth has happened to Vikram Bhatt? Is he the filmmaker who directed films like Ghulam, Raaz, Kasoor and Ankahee? His new film Red—The Dark Side is a routine tale of fanatical love that leads to murder, obsession and the dark side of human existence. This one is a thriller, which does anything but thrill you. Fine cinematography and melodious score help the film get an average tag. Aftab Shivdasani has again acted well. He is one actor who keeps on giving good performances. Celina Jaitley and Amrita Arora are average. Himesh Reshammiya’s music is rocking. Aafreen Tera Chera truly reflects the mood of the film. In short, Vikram Bhatt should concentrate on the kind of films he made earlier.

Catch it at Piccadily, Chandigarh and Fun Republic, Manimajra.

Sarhad Paar

Directed by Raman Kumar and produced by Nimbus, Sarhad Paar charts a tale of terror that drives a traumatised soldier. It is a humane story of universal appeal set against the backdrop of terrorism. The first half is well made and second is just average. The technical aspects are good. Sanjay Dutt and Tabu have done full justice to their roles.Both Mahima Chaudhary and Chandrachud Singh deliver fine performances.

Catch it at Kiran, Chandigarh.

Water

Third in the trilogy after Fire and Earth, Water is Deepa Mehta’s long cherished dream. An opening film of the 30th Annual Toronto International Film Festival, Water is a wonderful romantic period film. Striking a chord with people across the globe, the film has also received acclaim from the Indian audience. Full marks to John, Lisa and Seema Biswas for their marvelous performances. What is truly riveting about Water is Deepa Mehta’s powerful narrative. The other actor who stands out is Sarala who plays a child widow. A.R. Rehman comes up with a musical score that is pure and honest.

Catch it at Fun Republic, Manimajra.

1971

1971 beautifully focuses on the Indian spirit of patriotism. Credit goes to director Amrit Sagar and his actors for making a good film on POWs. The movie has an emotional impact on the audience.

Catch it at Fun Republic, Manimajra.

— Dharam Pal

write to Renee
Trust yourself and the world trusts you

I am a 17 year-old-girl, depressed because of the attitude of my parents. I am not allowed to go out with my friends, even with my girl friends. My parents monitor my every move. My brother on the other hand seems to go and come as he pleases, no body checks his timing and if I argue with them over it I am told that he is a boy and rules are always supposed to be different for boys and girls. Please tell me how to handle this situation.

Ruchi, Karnal

Yours is a common problem. This is because of the social conditioning you parents had gone through. So just take it easy, and do not allow yourself to get depressed over this. Antagonism will not get you anywhere. Tell them in a subtle way that the world around is changing and girls moving out together is not really looked down upon in today’s society. Allow them to develop a sense of confidence in you as a person. Don’t bring your brother into it. Things will work out an their own. Trust yourself.

I am an 18-year-old guy. I am extremely shy. I have never dated a girl though I would love to do so. Each time I come near a girl a panic attack seems to hit me. My palms start sweating and I feel almost tongue tied. I am scared of being rejection. How can I become a confident person?

Amarjit Tiwana, Jallandhar

Perk up. Life at your age is full of fun and laughter. You are allowing the little kid in you to take over. Remember, confidence attracts confidence. When you approach a girl, project that you are a confident young man. Personality is all about attitude. Be in charge of your own-self.

I am a 28-year-old, separated from my husband. I still cannot deal with my situation. I still miss him and feel terribly lonely. Life does not seem worth living. How can I lift myself out of this depressed state? My friends and family are also fed up. He was a confirmed alcoholic and an abuser but there were times when he was warm and understanding. Help me to come to terms with my situation.

Ranjeeta Mehta, Ambala

You are just feeling sorry for yourself. Pull yourself together. Life is too beautiful to allow it to pass you by, living through negative emotions. Remember you are not alone. There are many young women like you going through similar situations and fighting off their emotional demons to live happy and fulfilling lives. I do not know the exact reason for the fact that you left your husband but whatever it may be you have to now learn to move on with your life. There is so much out there to do and to live for. Join a course in what ever interests you.

Health tip of the day

Low back pain when caused due to a propalpsed disc if diagnosed early and correctly can be effectively treated, cutting down on surgical intervention— Dr Ravinder Chadha

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