Sunday, July 21, 2002		Life Ties

CHARU met Shyam in High School. He was from an old business family while she was from a service background. Though they were from different social strata, she dreamt of being a part of his world. Throughout the school and college years, she worshiped even as she made no conscious attempt to make him see how much she loved him. She was convinced he was too good for her and that there was no point in converting her dreams into reality. She therefore concentrated on being a good friend.

Throughout their active association, she was always a phone call away. Since her dependability factor was so high, he found himself turning to her again and again. If he had a row with his father over money, Charu would be his sounding board and then messenger boy clearing the air between father and son.

If an urgent history assignment needed to be done, she carried his files home and laboured over them while he took off on a motorcycle expedition. If he had to grab the attention of a girl, she helped by offering to befriend her and then make the introductions. To outsiders it seemed an unequal relationship. He demanding instant attention without reciprocating it equally.

However, she was happy to be allowed proximity to him and his family as her parents had separated and she had been in hostel from childhood. Wanting to be part of a family was acutely intense and in the Sharma household she felt privileged to be accepted as one of their own. If Shyam was careless and forgetful about her once in a while, his parents and sister more than made up by showering her with love, concern and gratitude.

When Shyam left for the United States to do his MBA she accepted his decision stoically. There appeared to be a finality in his departure. Hadn’t she always known that a time would come when their paths would separate? She wished him luck and watched the family’s cheerful banter as they warned him against foisting an angrezi mem on them. Her logical side knew she could never be his life partner but the insane and foolishly romantic side silently hoped for a miracle to bring them together.

She went on to study law from India’s leading law school in Bangalore and joined a prestigious corporate law firm as a trainee. Shyam turned to IT consultancy and eventually wound up in Silicon Valley as a promising entrepreneur. After a string of relationships, he tied the knot with an NRI, securing in the process a Green Card. His parents were disappointed, not so much at his being self-willed but at how he took the most important decisions of his life without consulting them. His trips to India were few and far between and, other than sending dollars, his mails and phone calls rarely reflected the warmth they desperately yearned for. His wife was also stand-offish making their contact clinical and officious.

Charu did not allow physical distance to affect her relationship with Shyam’s parents. Since she had sporadic contact with him and was also aware of the hurt his parents were feeling, she not only monitored their health and day- to- day living via phone calls but also positioned a reliable servant. She came to Delhi twice a year and spent a lot of time with them. When Shyam’s mother suffered a heart attack, Charu dropped everything and rushed to be with them— long before Shyam and his wife could come.

Shyam tried compensating her for expenses and apologised for the obvious inconvenience she had to go through. He told her the parents were now old and had to learn to manage on their own. The children had their responsibilities, aspirations and lifestyles which could not be tampered beyond a point. Surely, they would understand. Charu knew that it was futile trying to reply to his self-centred questions. He saw only his comfort and needs. Others’ love, concern and gestures bounced off his back. After returning to the USA, he conveniently passed on the baton to a willing Charu letting her play the surrogate son’s role.

It was not that he did not love them. It was just that he had got entangled in the materialistic and viciously demanding cycle of self preservation and anything that bogged him down or kept him from his goals was dispensed with. It seemed fair to him to substitute his time with money where care for parents was concerned. Charu never felt she was doing anything out of the ordinary for people who were unrelated by blood. All she knew was that they had been a part of her growing up years.

How could she forget that the first time she had cold coffee was in Shyam’s house or the time she had won the trophy for being the best actress in her college drama repertory, it had meant so much to her to have his beaming parents in the first row? They had embraced her proudly as if she was their own child. Small things like this had added up to create a bond between them which went beyond natural boundaries. She was their son and daughter rolled into one.

She knew that irrespective of how Shyam behaved, she would be a permanent fixture in their household, caring and nurturing them and hopefully minimising the hurt they felt on account of their only child. And in this effort, she had the support of her husband and children who considered the Sharma household an extension of their own. She was convinced that relationships of the heart were formed not only on the basis of that elusive thing called love but by backing that feeling with effort, hard work, constant presence, sincerity and communication.