Sunday, December 3, 2000		Article

IT rarely pays to lose one’s temper. "Keep cool and you command everybody", says St. Just.

"I hold that we largely make our own fate by our temperament", says Cheiro, the renowned astrologer and palmist. It is, indeed true because temperament plays a vital role in our lives. We can make or mar our lives by the way we behave with others.

Says George Stevenson, M.D., former president of the World Federation of Mental Health, "If you find yourself using anger as a general pattern of behaviour, remember that anger will generally leave you feeling foolish and sorry in the end. If you feel like lashing out at someone, try holding off until tomorrow. In the mean time, throw yourself into some physical activity like gardening or carpentry, or tennis or a long walk. Working the anger out of your system will leave you much better prepared to handle your problem intelligently."

Lord Krishna says in the Bhagavadgita:

"Anger leads t confusion, and confusion kills the power of memory, with the destruction of memory choice is rendered impossible; and when moral choice fails man is doomed."

The central idea of the Bhagavadgita is to be calm and steadfast in all circumstances. "What is the secret of success?" asked the Sphinx.

"Always keep cool", said the ice.

If you feel yourself getting angry with someone, you should logically go on and vent your wrath upon his father, mother, teachers, grandparents, uncles, neighbour, and many others who have made him what he is. Anger thus leads you into a pathless jungle. It hurts you. It upsets your equilibrium. So why be doubly imprudent and offend yourself and another? Anger is also utterly fruitless. It cannot mend a broken mirror or put spilt milk back in the pail. It only adds bitterness and resentment to the evil that has already been done, thus changing it from bad to worse and worse to worst.

The angry man thinks that he is rebuking and threatening another, but he is really losing virtue and thus sinning against himself. Like an intoxicated man, he sometimes utters words and does things which he repents after a short time, but a harsh word or action, like an arrow discharged from the bow, can never be taken back.

So do not lose your temper. In a fit of temper, you can finish a friendship unnecessarily, make enemies and throw away opportunities. Although you may regret it later and even apologise but lost time is never regained.

The sociable man avoids all sins of speech. He trains and controls his tongue.

In a fit of anger, Othello killed the beautiful Desdemona ("poor innocent lady"), later on repented over his folly and wept bitterly. He fell upon his sword, and throwing himself upon the body of Desdemona, expired.

Out of anger and jealousy, the great battle of Mahabharata was fought. There was blood everywhere. Loss of precious lives and material was beyond imagination. The result was annihilation.

Don’t use angry words and expletives. Aristotle, on hearning that someone abused him in his absence rejoined: "He may even scourage me, so it be in my absence."

The German poet Zedlitz has recounted this story. Emir Hassan, uncle of Prophet Muhammad, sat for dinner. The slave who carried the dishes dropped them on the floor, which was covered with costly carpets. The slave bowed low and said at once: "Our Prophet has taught that he who masters his anger is a wise man." The Emir replied, "I am not angry, go away". The slave continued, "Our Prophet has taught that he who forgives the offender is still wiser." The Emir said, "I forgive thee." The slave then added, "Our Prophet has also taught that he who returns good for evil is the wisest of all." The Emir smiled and said, "I give thee thy freedom and also this sum of money with it. Now go away and be happy".

Anger disrupts and embitters ordinary social life. It has ruined many committees and sub-committees. Every association or party consists of all sorts of men and women, and the elected officers are expected to work smoothly and harmoniously. But impatience and anger always makes cooperation impossible. On all committees there are some autocrats while some others have other faults. Such teams can succeed only when the members have been trained to cultivate patience as a virtue. Patience is the ally of progress; anger of destruction.

Once a young man went to his boss and said, "Sir, since one of the managers of our company has died, why can’t I take his place?" The boss looked at the lad, quietly and said, "It’s all right with me Jones. But I’ll have to check with the undertaker first."

The boss could have exploded. But he remained calm. He simply forgot the seriousness of the situation and the social ineptitude of the boy and used patience to overcome his anger. Through words, he maintained self-control and dealt with the situation wisely.

A good thing to remember is that you can’t save your face if you lose your head. So, keep your cool in the interest of your health and prosperity. When you are angry, meditate, relax, listen to music or go for a walk.

According to Dr Clive D Hurley, the following are some of the things which usually make us angry:  Somebody being rude to us in front of other people.  Somebody argues with us, or contradicts what we have said.  Criticism and sarcasm at our expense.  Somebody interrupts us or cuts short our conversation with them or somebody else.  Somebody is ‘funny’ at our expense.  Being ignored. Being forced to wait for attention.  Somebody deliberately chooses to misunderstand us.  Careless mistakes, like faulty bills and inefficient repairs.  Being let down by friends.  Not being allowed to do what we want or do it our way. "All these things are very irritating. They annoy us but experience should teach us that losing our temper will not improve the situation", says Dr Hurley.