Sincerity leads to success
By Taru Bahl

A MISTAKE can be forgiven, a faux pas overlooked, a loss absorbed, an angry outburst tolerated, but insincerity? It is said that sincerity makes the least talented person more valuable than the most talented hypocrite. And that in a nutshell, sums up the importance of sincerity in our lives. In the Annual Confidential Report of the Armed Forces, amongst the 14 columns for individual rating, sincerity figures right on top. Though it is said that modern compulsions have pushed it way down on our priority chart, most of us still want to convince others of our sincere intent and purpose. Ever wondered why our letters are signed with a ‘yours sincerely’, ‘yours faithfully’ or ‘yours truly’?

The dictionary defines sincerity as being free of deceit, hypocrisy and falseness. A person who is sincere does not feign to be open, frank and candid. He does not have to convince others of his earnestness. People know he is not a fake. Sincerity does not come in small doses and cannot be applied to just a few things. It encompasses the entire mental make-up of the person. It permeates into his being, finding its way into his relationships, dealings, work style and beliefs. A sincere person will be truthful, honest, committed and duty bound. He may make mistakes, he may falter, he may not have the answers to all the problems but the person across knows that he did try his best and that he meant well.

When we make sincere efforts we leave no stone unturned. Whether it is in studying for an examination, scouting around for information, cooking a special meal or making a marriage work, there can be no half-baked responses and compromises. It is only when our heart is not in the job at hand that we make excuses and turn in a shoddy attempt. It is then that people who are close to us say with disgust and disappointment: "You could have done better. It is better not to have done the job than to have done it in a lacklustre, insincere manner". Since sincerity is neither quantifiable nor purchasable, it lends depth and character to whatever we do. Without sincerity as a binding agent, all efforts remain shallow and peripheral.

If one looks at general responses closely one can easily spot the phony from the original, especially when we are talking of sincerity. When a friend is in trouble and visibly in need of help, an insincere person will say, "If you need any help, you can count on me". He may then proceed for a week-long holiday. He may also not inform the friend of his changed phone and residential address. On his return, when he finds the friend in hospital recovering from a nervous breakdown, he may say, "Why didn’t you tell me that you were so unwell. I could have done this, spoken to X and made sure you didn’t get laid up in such a pathetic manner. If only I had known!" The sincere person, on the other hand, may not rely on bombastic reassurances. He would sense the other’s embarrassment at asking for help. He would either call up diligently every day or personally insist on the friend telling him specifically what he can do to help and make things better. Similarly, a person who does not genuinely wish to have someone over for a meal will keep saying, "We must meet" or "You must come over one of these days" actually implying, "None of these days". However, one who sincerely wants the other to come will insist on a date and time.

It is said that the merit of originality is not novelty, its sincerity. An exporter can procure a good order on the basis of his designs and smart portfolio but he can sustain future order only on the basis of his quality and ability to honour deadlines. Both these crucial business guidelines cannot be met by an insincere person because he would be utilising his mind and time to come up with innovative ways of cutting corners and increasing his profit margins. He may get away with it once but not on a long-term basis. A sincere person, on the other hand, will always work doubly hard at not disappointing his business associates. More than being answerable to them, he is accountable to his own self, which is what lends him credibility and makes people like working with him. There could be times when he falters; when things go out of control and he is unable to keep the promises he made. But again it is thanks to his sincerity that his apologies are taken seriously and his word that it will not happen again is believed.

Sincerity of purpose and intent has to be communicated to people, though in due course they form an opinion anyway. A parent whose job entails extensive travel has to convey positive signals to his family. His words, actions and deeds must conform with his feelings and emotions. He should be able to effectively get the message across that his job requires him to travel. He has to be sincere to the demands his profession makes on him. Yet, at the same time, he has to be conscious that the little time they have together must be put to good use. Once the sentiment gets across, the family is bound to be understanding. An insincere father will give one lecture and then sit back and relax, confident that his family will not ‘create trouble’ or ‘scenes’ over his business since they empathise with him. But a sincere father would keep giving verbal and non-verbal messages, letting his family know how much he cares. He will work doubly hard at spending quality time with them. Even when he is away, he will keep in touch. No one doubts his sincerity because it is linked with devotion and duty. The family adapts to the situation and they continue to retain the happy-well-adjusted- family tag. According to Confucius, "Sincerity and truth are the basis of every virtue". Weak and inept people can never be sincere. They are forever plotting and covering up their fears, anxieties and insecurities.

A lot of us perceive sincerity to be a passive virtue. One which insists on blind obedience and subservience. One can hold ones’ own, even disagree and argue if need be, and yet not be perceived as being insincere. To be able to give an honest opinion and call a spade a spade too needs a basic level of sincerity, one which does not reduce us to being a ‘yes-man’. If a friend introduces us to her fiance’ and if we know that he/she is of dubious character we should make a sincere attempt to let her see sense by telling her to give the relationship more time, till trust levels are built. Similarly, if we know that a sibling has an atrocious dress sense or a wrong way of approaching people on social functions, we must, even at the cost of being critical, tell him that his approach is wrong and that he must alter his style.

Oscar Wilde once said :"A little sincerity is a dangerous thing and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal". One must strive to achieve a balance between these two extremes. This balance comes spontaneously and not out of contrived efforts which aim at creating a sincere image. Advocates of plain-speaking go to the extent of saying that politeness, civility, tact and discretion are all forms of acceptable insincere hypocrisy!

R.L Wing has done a brilliant translation of Lao Tzu’s classic guide to leadership, Influence and Excellence in The Tao of Power. Here is a quote from Tao’s philosophy on The Evolved Way which applies to the mindset of a genuine and sincere person -- one who makes a success not just of his career and family life but also of the larger values which he stands for. He says, "Sincere words are not embellished; embellished words are not sincere, those who are good are not defensive; those who are defensive are not good. Those who know are not erudite; those who are erudite do not know. Evolved individuals do not accumulate. The more they do for others, the more they gain; the more they give to others, the more they possess. The Tao of Nature is to serve without spoiling, the Tao of Evolved Individuals is to act without contending".