Prepare a face to meet faces
By Mohinder Singh

"WORKING a room" is an old political phrase that conjures up images of heavy-set men in smokey back rooms pumping hands and cutting deals. Today when we talk about "working a room", we mean the ability to circulate comfortably and graciously through a gathering of people — meeting, greeting and talking with as many of them as you wish, creating communication that is warm and sincere; establishing an honest rapport on which you can build a friendship; knowing how to start, how to continue and how to end lively and interesting conversations.

Sounds like fun. And the benefits of being able to "work a room" with ease and grace are enormous.

You feel better about yourself. You approach business and social gatherings with confidence and enthusiasm, knowing that this an arena where you feel comfortable and productive.

You make invaluable business contacts, as well as starting new friendships.

You make other people feel relaxed, which makes them want to know and possiblly do business with you.

However, the harsh reality is that many of us find it uncomfortable to walk into a room full of strangers, whether the invitation is for a purely social event, a business gathering, or a combination of the two, more so when we want to make a good impression. Who will we talk to? What will we say?

There are actually quite a few roadblocks to working a room successfully.

In childhood we had our parents cautioning us against mingling with strangers. And the cautionary finger can flash across our subconscious even when we are grown up.

Many of us were taught that it "wasn’t nice" to talk to someone unless we had been properly introduced, let alone the risk of being rebuffed at self-introduction. But in large parties, "waiting" for people to find you and introduce themselves is an exercise in futility. Chances are they won’t — because it is just as difficult for them as it is for you; people get trapped into the "waiting game".

These roadblocks are part of what stops us from mingling, circulating, and working a room. But there is something else that can stop us from moving comfortably around a room, something more subtle than these roadblocks.It has to do with self-perception, self-confidence, and self-esteem; a rather complex mix of things.

Start by redefining the term "stranger". Look for what you have in common with people at an event. Common interests or common friends can easily form the basis of conversation. To that extent people there don’t come into the category of total strangers.

Practice self-introduction. You may feel a little awkward at first, but after some practice you’ll feel much more at ease with it. Best self-introductions are energetic and pithy, no more than ten seconds long. Besides your name (obviously), it should give a tag line that tells other people who you are and gives them a way to remember you. In fact, you will probably want to use different self-introductions for different events.

Bring enough business cards with you to a party; having to write one’s name and address on a napkin seems inelegant. "I just gave out my last card", smacks of poor planning. But be discriminating in passing out your cards.

How many times have you seen someone who looked vaguely familiar, but were afraid to go over because he might not be who you thought he was? Well, if you dare going over, the worst that can happen is that he will say he’s not that person. But you may make a new acquaintance — possibly a new friend.

Dr Adele Scheele, author of Skills for Success, says that people in a social or networking situation tend to behave either as "hosts" or "guests".

"Hosts" exhibit gracious manners — meeting people, starting conversation, introducing others and making sure that their needs are met. "Guest" behaviour is just the opposite. "Guests" wait for someone to offer them a drink, and introduce them around. If no one attends, they move to corners and stand there till someone rescues them. Scheele suggests that the key to success is moving from "guest" behaviour to "host" behaviour. Those do well who are willing to put their ego on the line and reach out.

Eye contact and a smile is a must for greeting people. "You can’t give a smile away; it always comes back", they say. And a roving eye indicates lack of attention, bordering on discourtesy.

When you arrive at an event, stand tall and walk into the room. Hanging out in the doorway gives the impression that you’re timid about coming in, besides creating a traffic problem.

If the thought of entering a room gives you the jitters, try the buddy system. Make a deal with a friend who must also attend these events, and go together. One of the main advantages of going to an event with a buddy is that you can introduce one another around. You may know people your buddy doesn’t know and vice versa. But you must split as soon as possible; this allows you to meet more people.

Avoid approaching two people who look as if they are having an intense conversation. Approach groups of three or more. Position yourself close to the group. Give only facial feedback to the comments being made. When you feel yourself included, either by verbal acknowledgement or eye contact, you are free to join in the conversation.

And be open to others who "want in". When you see someone on the periphery of your conversational group, remember how uncomfortable you feel in that situation.

No less an authority than Miss manners suggests that we spend no more than eight to ten minutes with any one person. Indeed you have to master the art of graceful exit. Once you get yourself excused, visibly move to another part of the room. It underscores the fact that you really did have someone to see or something to do, and that you didn’t leave that person simply because you were bored.

Have you ever been to a dinner, reception, or meeting that you couldn’t avoid, but that didn’t sound very exciting? You dragged yourself there, put in your time, and came home feeling as if you had wasted three hours.

With a little planning and practice, that need never happen again. There’s no event that can’t be made productive, or at least fun. The cocktail party, for instance, is here to stay as a business and social function. Surviving them is good; making the most of them and having a good time in the process is even better.

Here are a few do’s and don’ts about working a room.

Adopt a positive attitude.

Focus on the benefits of the event.

Be nice, and thoughtful.

Don’t wait, initiate conversation.

No disparaging or put-down humour.

Not a drink too many.

No monopolising someone’s time or speaking too loudly.

Indeed, why not make every situation you encounter a "room" and work the world — the airplane, the golf course, the gym, the pool. To be open to whatever comes your way. Planes, for example, are great places to meet people and make friends. You have a captive audience. Even if you don’t meet that person again, the contact brightened your day.