The Final Farewell by Minakshi Dewan: Of funerary customs, final goodbyes

Harvinder Khetal

THIS book emanates from author Minakshi Dewan’s experience of performing the last rites and rituals of her father in 2019 as the chief mourner. She could then empathise with the many unfortunate victims of Covid-19 pandemic, which necessitated the unsettling compromise with the final goodbyes that they had to make for their loved ones. It took on the shape of researching deeply the different ways in which people of diverse faiths in our country perform the end-of-life rituals. The funerary customs of Hindus, Sikhs, Muslims, Christians and Zoroastrians constitute an important part of our rich cultural heritage.

And, interestingly, far from being a morbid account, as one would fear by the title, it’s a fascinating read, gently goading the reader to turn page after page. The ultimate fact that death is the inevitable truth of life and its grief affects us all to the core also served as an anchor, keeping one glued to the book. Since science has not fully comprehended death, one turns to religious scriptures that have elaborated on its philosophy and prescribed the related obsequies.

Mourning as per the traditions helps one cope with grief and heal as it acts as a cultural defence. Whether you bury the dead or cremate them or offer the body to nature in the Towers of Silence, the common thread binding the religions is that they all see death as “the separation of the soul from the gross body.” Minakshi concludes this after visiting many shamshan ghats and kabristans and talking to Hindu priests, Sikh granthis, a hafiz and a Parsi priest.

Another commonality among the faiths is the stress on accepting the inevitable with equanimity. It may manifest in eating of karah parshad in the Sikh ceremonies or music and song — parai and gaana — as in Tamil Nadu.

The concept of celebrating death and bestowing the status of God to the dead is witnessed in Varanasi as it is believed that those who breathe their last in Kashi attain moksha. Incidentally, it has lately given birth to the bizarre phenomenon of death tourism, or dark tourism. The city’s “mystic death rituals and esoteric practices at the burning ghats of the city attract scores of foreign tourists and visitors drawn to the morbid.”

Then, the pandas of Haridwar are the keepers of an amazing custom probably seen nowhere else in the world. It is insightful how, as hereditary genealogists, the pandas maintain the bahis or family trees, the history, of their jajmaan (clientele). Sitting in the lap of Gangaji, a purohit who serves a Punjabi community, including some celebrities, proudly proclaims: “I am the 10th generation involved in this work that has been contributing for the last 300 years or so.”

Minakshi discovers that the rituals related to death are the last ones that a culture changes as no one wants to “meddle in this sensitive territory with underlying sentiments and emotions”, or, the associated afterlife. In this context, the vanishing vultures posing a dilemma to the Parsis and forcing them to change to cremating their dead makes for a poignant read.

The book also touches upon the angle of untouchability, casteism and gender roles in last rites. While the acceptance of women in this matter is seen more among Sikhs and Bengalis, on the other horrifying extreme is the denial of certain Dalits space for burial in the common ground, forcing them to do so adjacent to their living quarters. In the context of discrimination, the stigmatisation of kinnars is distressing. While a transgender organisation, Kinnar Akhada, is campaigning for equality in funerary rites, “the community members often disguise their identity because they are denied access to cremation and burial grounds.”

Lastly, even as antim sanskar is challenged by the modern way of life and the emergence of ‘death care services’, it seems that the funerary rites will not be consigned to flames any time soon.