The cultural divide in undivided India

Amrinder Bajaj

My lust for travel did not die with my husband. So when a woman in my yoga class informed me of a ladies group that was going to Singapore, a three-day cruise included, I jumped at the idea. The sea beckoned as did the lure of a new country. Moreover, as we were going in a group, the tedious business of getting the visa, tickets, preparing an itinerary would be taken care of by the tour operator. Except for the yoga lady, I knew no one in the group, but I had no worries on that score for I made friends easily. 

A friend, a bania herself did ask me ‘baniyon ke beech kaha phas gayi ho?’ which I thought was a strange question. I had been brought up in the Air Force, where the only religion practised was that of the armed forces no matter what religion you were born into. Moreover, being a Sikh, I was used to people of every caste and creed, partake freely of the langar served with humility and grace at gurdwaras. I knew that I would have no problem mixing up with them, but little did I realise that they would have problems with me! 

I was the only non-vegetarian amidst vegetarians and was ruthlessly excluded from their tight-knit group. It wasn’t as it I was a voracious meat eater, but how could I resist this spread of sea food, cold cuts and various meats that I had paid for. Either I eat alone or eat ghas phoos if I wanted to share their table, both of which were unacceptable. Unreasonably, they would not even share the sealed Haldiram namkeen packets I had brought for they were touched by non-vegetarian hands, which was humiliating. 

That I was an author and doctor amidst housewives full of recipes and angst against in-laws, created an intellectual divide. Emotional connect was never there. I was also, the only lady in this orthodox group who swam which was another negative, but I was not going to give up the pleasure of stretching my limbs underwater to be in their good books though. Never had I experienced such alienation before. 

I learnt the hard way that cultural differences did matter and there was no such thing as ‘we can agree to disagree’ or ‘live and let live’. Inadvertently I had made their point by using the word ‘let live’. Had the shoe been on the other foot, I would have taken care to make the odd one out feel at home. Throughout the entire expedition I lived the phrase ‘lonely in a crowd’. Tears would well up and a lump form in my throat till I told myself sternly  ‘You have two choices Amrinder — either wallow in misery and spoil a perfectly good cruise or enjoy your hard earned holiday, despite them.’ 

Needless to say I chose the latter and turned the lack of companionship into blissful solitude. After an invigorating swim I would recline on a deck chair with the sound of waves in my ears, the sea breeze caressing me, and feast my eyes on the flamboyance of the setting sun douse itself in water.  In the afternoons, if there were no shows on board, I would sit in the balcony of my room with an engrossing book, my dairy and a cup of tea. Poetry would flood my mind and pour out from my pen, while the endless green ocean bestowed a rare tranquility upon my troubled soul. To give added solace Steve Jobs words crept unbidden to my mind. He had said:

‘Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living with the result of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinion drown your inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition… everything else is secondary.