Statue of limitations

Jug Suraiya

Amid hype and hoopla surrounding the ‘Statue of Unity’ of Sardar Patel, a columnist known only by his initials, JS, went to meet a sarkari spokesperson (SS) to find out more about the structure — said to be the tallest of its kind in the world, being almost twice the height of America’s iconic Statue of Liberty.

JS: The statue this sarkar has put up is said to be twice the height of the Statue of Liberty.  Is there a hidden meaning in that?

SS: There is an unhidden meaning in that.  And the meaning is that the sarkar is at twice the liberty to take whatever liberty it likes with everything – starting with the truth.  

JS: The statue of Sardar Patel, who unified the nation by getting all princely states to accede to the Indian Union, is called the ‘Statue of Unity’.  But many people, including villagers who’ve been displaced by the project, economically distressed farmers and those who feel that the Rs 3,000 crore spent on the monument could have been better utilised building schools and hospitals, have expressed their dissent. So, how can it be a ‘Statue of Unity’?

SS: It is a ‘Statue of Unity’ because all these altu-phaltu dissenters are united in their dissent. Haven’t you ever heard that old saying that in our adversity is our unity?  

JS: I think the saying is in our diversity is our unity.

SS: Diversity, adversity, same to same. If it wasn’t for the statue, we wouldn’t have any unity.  Ergo, the statue is the Statue of Unity; QED. Next question. 

JS: I don’t think you quite answered my last question.  Anyway, here’s my next question.  An increasing number of people are saying that, this business of the statue apart, the country has never been so deeply divided as it has become under the dispensation of this sarkar.  There are divisions between the majority community and the minority communities, between the government and the Opposition, between the bhakts and the sceptics.  What is the sarkar planning to do about that?

SS: What a dumb question to ask.  What’s the sarkar planning to do about that?  Why, the sarkar is planning to eradicate it all, of course.  What else?

JS: You mean eradicate all divisions?

SS: Better than that.  I mean eradicate all those pestilential types who are creating all those divisions — namely the minorities, the Opposition, the sceptics, and anyone else who doesn’t see eye to eye with the sarkar, that’s the way to achieve perfect unity, of which this statue is a shambolic representation.

JS: Pardon me for correcting you.  But surely you mean symbolic representation, not shambolic. 

SS: When I say shambolic, I mean shambolic.  Thanks to the sarkar, everything and anything you care to name is in a shambles —the CBI, the RBI, the RTI, the office of the CJI.  If that isn’t shambolic, I don’t know what is.  I mean, how much more sham can any bolic get?

JS: Quite so.  Tell me, is the sarkar planning some other dramatic move like demonetisation replay etc.?

SS: The sarkar is planning a move even more dramatic than demonetisation replay.  It is planning to unveil another statue, which will be even bigger than the ‘Statue of Unity’.  

JS: You don’t say.  And who’ll it be a statue of?  Bapu?  Netaji? Who?

SS: That’s a secret.  But I’ll give you a clue: it’ll have a chest with 56… metres, that is, not inches….