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A man went to the police station, wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You’ll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant. "No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!"
Long way to go An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbours who feared the man the most. "When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" They believed that he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs and strange sounds at all hours. He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. The gaiety of her actions was becoming extreme. Her neighbours approached her in a group to ask these questions: Are you not afraid, concerned, or worried that this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life? The wife put down her drink and said..."Let the old guy dig. I had him buried upside down." That perfect fit! A soon-to-be married girl sought permission to wear her mother’s wedding dress. The day she tried it on for the first time, the mother was watching her. The gown was a perfect fit on her petite frame. Mother’s eyes welled with tears. The daughter put her arm around Mom and said: "Don’t cry, remember you’re not losing a daughter, you’re gaining a son." "That’s not why I’m crying. I used to fit into that dress!" Believe it or not An airline stewardess was giving the standard safety briefing to the passengers. She had just finished saying "In the event of a water landing, your seat cushion may be used as a floating device," when a man remarked, "Hey! If the plane can’t fly, why should I believe the seat can float?" Fast and curious An automobile salesman was pleasantly bewildered when he sold a new car to a blonde, who had previously resisted his sales pitch. Elated over his success, he asked her, as he was filling out the necessary papers, what had finally made her choose his car. "Well," the
blonde said, "I visited four dealers and mentioned your car to
all of them. They all agreed on one thing that your car has the
fastest depreciation of all the cars on the market. That was good
enough for me."
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