Webside humour
Money matters
 Sunil Sharma

A fat man joined a gym to lose some weight . On the first day, he spotted a very attractive young lady entering the gym. He asked the trainer, “What machine should I use to impress that gorgeous girl over there?”

The trainer looked at him up and down and said, “For you, I would recommend using the ATM in the lobby.”

Change of stand

Jill was called to serve for jury duty, but she asked to be excused because she didn’t believe in capital punishment and didn’t want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course.

But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and quiet calm, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury. 
“Madam,” he explained, “this is not a murder trial! It’s a simple civil lawsuit.

A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday.” “Well, okay,” agreed Jill, “I’ll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all.”

Behind the wheel

A man is driving with his wife at his side and his mother-in-law in the back seat.
The women just won’t leave him alone.
His mother-in-law says, “You’re driving too fast!”
His wife says, “Stay more to the left.”
After ten mixed orders, the man turns to his wife and asks, “Who’s driving this car — you or your mother?”

Status update

The old lady had been married for many years when suddenly her husband died. This is what she put on his tombstone: 
“The light of my life has gone out.”
Not long afterward she met, fell in love with another man. After thinking at some length about it, she went to the monument maker and had him add this to the tombstone: The light of my life has gone out.

P.S. I found a match.

Breaking news

A woman phoned her husband at work. Her husband said, “I’m sorry dear, but I’m neck deep in work today.”

The wife responded, “But I’ve got some good news and some bad news for you, dear.”

The husband then replied, “Okay, darling, but as I’ve got very little time now, just give me the good news.”

“Well,” said the wife, “the car air bag works.”

Perks of a job

A woman, searching for a job, inquired about the benefits. The personnel manager informed her they had group health and life insurance, but the costs were deducted from the employee’s pay.

The woman shrugged her shoulders and said, “The company went bankrupt.”

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