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The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side. She said: "What are your golf clubs doing here?" He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn’t going to take all day, is it?" Self delusion The local sheriff was looking for a deputy. A blonde went in to try out for the job. "Okay," The sheriff drawled, "What is 1 and 1?" "11" he replied. The sheriff thought to himself, "That’s not what I meant, but he’s right." "What two days of the week start with the letter T?" "Today and tomorrow." He was again surprised that the blonde supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. "Now, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?" The blonde looked a little surprised, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don’t know." "Well, why don’t you go home and work on that one for a while?" So, the blonde wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Blonde was exultant, "It went great! First day on the job and I’m already working on a murder case!" Ready-made solution A new mother went to the
psychiatrist looking very worried. "Doctor," she said,
"Since I had the baby I can’t sleep at night. When I’m in the
next room, I have this dreadful fear that I won’t get to know if "Easy," said the doctor. "Just take the carpet off the floor." Travel diary A passenger called to make reservations on a small charter plane that departs from Teterboro airport in New Jersey. The clerk said, "The plane is full with baggage and passengers." Then she asked, "How much do you weigh, sir?" Not thinking clearly he answered, "With or without clothes?" "Well," said the clerk, "How do you intend to travel?" Split personality A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on the movements of his wife. The husband wanted more than a written report. He wanted video of his wife’s activities. A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat down together to watch it. Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man. He saw them enjoying, laughing, dancing in dimly lit nightclub, park and outdoor cafe. He saw the man and his wife participate in a dozen activities with utter glee. "I just can’t believe this," the distraught husband said. The detective said: "What’s not to believe? It’s right up there on the screen!" The husband replied: "I can’t believe that my wife could be so much fun!"
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