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"True
happiness is living in ease and freedom, fully experiencing the
wonders of life." This however does not apply to our children.
This is sad, considering the fact that a child is our tomorrow, our
hope for the future. A well-adjusted, happy and healthy childhood is
the right of each child. But is it happening? We find children
suffering from depression, deviant behaviour and psychosomatic
disorders since they are under constant stress. There is an increased
rat race, competitiveness and desire to outshine others. This also
gives rise to running down others by any means. This over
ambitiousness and cut-throat competition makes us ruthless and
opportunists. More often than not, it is the parents who prompt
children to enter this rat race. The first step is to get marks by
hook or by crook. No doubt, we find cheating rampant.
Wholesome development We — the educationists and the parents — have a duty towards society to educate our progeny in a healthy way. Sometimes these children suffer because of well-meaning but ignorant parents. An all-round development of the personality of the child is required to make him a well-adjusted and happy being, which in effect is the true purpose of education. This balance comes through equanimity in all fields. The five areas that need to attention are: The physical, which includes the external body, is the physiological part of any individual or the Anna Maya Kosh. The cognitive aspect deals with mental functions, perceptions, learning and thought process, while the social skills deal with interpersonal interaction, an empathetic attitude and the feeling of philanthropy or altruism. Emotional skills include the control of our negative feelings and enhancement of positive feelings like love and happiness. Finally, it is morality that encompasses spiritual development and ethical values that teach you the difference between right and wrong, dos and donts. A synergy has to be struck in all these five areas to develop the Emotional Quotient, or better still a Stith Pragaya Budhi, or a balanced self. This can be attained by putting a constraint on our limitless expectations and desires, holding back our negative feelings towards others, leading a balanced life. The pursuit of happiness in life requires training, discipline and hard work. The moot point is what can parents/teachers do to achieve this synergy. Find the child’s aptitude For most of the students going to school, there is hardly anything to look forward to. If we take special care of areas like academics, personality development, emotional social and moral growth, we help the child to become an empowered person. Academic growth can be ensured by taking an interest in the academic affairs of the child; seeing that the child is provided with the necessary things for the school work; concentrating not only on school work but also giving a bigger vision of knowledge. Too much competition and emphasis on marks can predispose the child to use unfair means. Instead, parents should consciously try to find out the aptitude and interest of the child and try to help her carve future goals. There is no dearth of professions. There are above 20,000 occupations, so there is no need to force children into a rat-race or rush them into non-medical or medical stream for which they are not cut out. Our education system has been laying too much emphasis on rote learning, objective type of tests and marks but education has taken a backseat. In the new curriculum framework, CBSE is finally trying to bring in soft skills, application of knowledge and going back to essay-type of tests. The formative tests are meant for the all-round development of the child and reduce emphasis on rote learning. Both qualitative and quantitative evaluation and assessment procedures are necessary. Education should cater to individual differences in styles of learning. "We are not all the same, we do not all have the same kinds of minds, and education works most effectively for most individuals if human differences are taken seriously." The role of parents and teachers should be to understand the child, her potential and then help to cultivate it. There are different types of intelligence and parents should find out what their child is capable of and then educate her in that direction. There are people with logical-mathematical intelligence. They enjoy working with numbers and math formulas. Students with high visual-spatial intelligence like to draw, paint, and make interesting designs and patterns. Those with high bodily-kinesthetic intelligence excel in physical activities such as martial arts and sports. People who are high on musical-rhythmic intelligence will do well in creative arts such as dance and music. Naturalist intelligence means people with an environment-smart attitude; they would like to work outdoors and have concern for global warming, pollution, etc. Interpersonal intelligence means what happens when we work with and relate to people; this helps in developing a whole range of social skills; such individuals like to work with people. High-intrapersonal intelligence means wanting to know the meaning, purpose, and significance of things; this predisposes one to a philosophical understanding of universe with an almost scientific orientation. Students who have verbal-linguistic intelligence are fond of literature, playing word games, debating and creative writing. They make good creative writers, journalists, critics etc. Learning styles also can differ. According to eminent psychologist Keefe, "The composite of characteristics cognitive, affective, and physiological factors that serve as relatively stable indicators of how a learner perceives, interacts with, and responds to the learning environment." Our effort should be to minimise weaknesses and strengthen the assets of our child. A proactive approach has to be taken, in which the child should be exposed to various kinds of literature, playing word games, debating, and creative writing. As Rabindranath Tagore said. "The problem is not how to wipe out the differences but how to unite with the differences intact." The role of the family The family is the primary group in which we have our first innings of life. This is the group that is responsible for our sustenance and subsistence. This is the milieu, in which we learn about ourselves and the world at large, our belief systems, attitudes, reactions to others and our adjustment to life as a whole. It is the family in which our foundations are laid to enable us to cope with the world. The first interaction in life is with the parents. But are parents aware of the skills required for adequate child rearing? In my research on child-rearing practices, I have observed that many parents don’t know the right method of bringing up a child. They do it by a hit-or-miss approach. Right from birth to many stages of development, the family has to play a vital role. Every individual wants to lead a life of fulfillment and happiness and parents can be the agents for attaining this. — The writer is former Head, Department of Psychology, Panjab University. She is also a counsellor and psychometrician and has researched extensivley on learning Lessons that parents must learn Personality development: It is the duty of the parents to help in the personality development of the child because proper socialisation leads to the development of a healthy wholesome personality. The parents can do this by trusting the child, giving autonomy, appreciating hard work, respecting their identity and help in developing the child’s self-esteem. Social relations: By taking care of the child’s relations with friends, children can be taught pro-social behaviour such as helpfulness, sharing, mutual give and take, showing concern for friends. Parents should know the friends of their children and interact with them so that they know what type of peer group their child is mingling with. Managing negative emotions: Emotions are an integral part of the self but while there are positive emotions like love, joy, happiness but unpleasant and negative emotions like anger, fear, hatred, anxiety, depression, sorrow, jealousy, loneliness and guilt can be a source of inconvenience. These and other traits such as shyness have to be dealt with, controlled, and managed. For each negative emotion, we have to understand why it is taking place, and whether it can be dealt by the person or the environment in which one lives and how best one can cope with it. What type of learner is your child? Types of learners vary according to learning styles that are cognitive, affective and action oriented. These indicate how learners perceive, interact with, and respond to the environment. Learners can be categorised as: Active: Works well in a group, designs and carries out experiments, evaluates ideas and finds solutions that work. Reflective: Works well when alone; is a theoretician and observer; defines problems and proposes possible solutions. Visual: Likes reading, writing, understanding charts, graphs. The person has a good sense of direction, is good at interpreting and manipulating images, creating visual metaphors and analogies, constructing practical objects. Intuitive: Likes principles and theories. Grasps new concepts, works faster, comfortable with symbols and abstract conceptualisation. Global: Has divergent thinking, uses synthesis, looks at the big picture, cooperates in group efforts and paraphrases. She can do multitasking, can read body language and values relationships and has a sense of fairness Sequential: Can work with material when they understand it partially or superficially. Good at convergent thinking and analysis. Verbal: Listening, speaking, story-telling, explaining, teaching, uses humour, remembers information, argues their point-of-view, analyses language usage.
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