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A college freshman decided to try out for the football team. “Can you tackle?” asked the coach. “Watch this,” said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters. “Wow,” said the coach. “I’m impressed. Can you run?” “Of course, I can run,” said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash. “Great!” enthused the coach. “But can you pass a football?” The freshman hesitated for a few seconds. “Well, sir,” he said, “If I can swallow it, I can probably pass it.” Alarmed The 12-year-old boy stood patiently beside the clock counter while the store clerk waited on all of the adult customers. Finally he got around to the youngster, who made his purchase and hurried out to the curb, where his father was impatiently waiting in his car. “What took you so long, son?” he asked. “The man waited on everybody in the store before me,” the boy replied. “But I got even.” “How?” “I wound and set all the alarm clocks while I was waiting,” the youngster explained happily. “It’s going to be a mighty noisy place at eight o’clock.” Wrong choice “Doctor!” said the woman as she loudly bounced into the room, “I want you to tell me very frankly what’s wrong with me.” He surveyed her from head to foot. “Madam,” he said at length, “I’ve just three things to tell you.” “First, you need to lose at least twenty pounds. Second, you should use about half as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I’m an artist — the doctor’s office is on the next floor.” Nothing to show An English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what they’d do if they had a million dollars. Alec handed in a blank sheet of paper. “Alec!” yelled the teacher, “you’ve done nothing. Why?” “Because if I had a million dollars, that’s exactly what I would do!” Telling off God! A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could to get to Sunday School. As she ran, she prayed. “Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late. Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late”. At this moment she tripped and fell, getting her clothes dirty. She got up, brushed herself off and started running again, praying, “Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late...but DON’T SHOVE me anymore!”
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