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Webside
Humour
"Why don't you just leave him?" asked the friend. "Oh! Not yet," the first replied. "I'd like to lose at least another fifteen pounds first." Glasses Vs diamonds After many years, her original wedding ring had become worn and thin, so she asked her husband to buy her a new ring as her anniversary present. But this time she asked him to buy her one with diamonds. They went down to the jewellery store to pick one out. As they waited for the clerk, she said to her husband, "My eyes aren't as good as they used to be, so I'd really like diamonds I can see." Having overheard their conversation, a customer standing nearby remarked, "Sir, it would be cheaper if you bought her glasses."
Sizing it up A Texan lands in Sydney, and is picked up by a taxi. After requesting a tour of the city, he starts into a tirade about the small-town airport and how in Texas they have larger runways on their ranches. They are soon crossing the Sydney Harbour bridge, and the man is further unimpressed - "I have a duck pond bigger than that harbour, and an ornamental bridge to span it that makes this look like a toy." The Sydney-Newcastle expressway also gets his scorn, "Is this a road, or a track?" So when a kangaroo jumped out in front of the cab, causing the sudden and severe application of the brakes, the driver couldn't help himself - "Stupid grasshoppers!"
Promise A young couple were having their first fight, and it was a big one. After a while, the husband said: "When we got married, you promised to love, honour and obey." His bride replied: "I know. But I didn't want to start an argument in front of all those people at the wedding.”
The new bride had spent two hours preparing her first breakfast after the wedding. She sat down at the table, eagerly watching as her husband slowly savoured each forkful. "How was it, Honey?" she asked when he'd finished. "Well," he began thoughtfully, wiping his lips, "you probably could have beaten the eggshells a little longer. But on the whole, it was a good start."
Pearlies for pearls Two older women, who were rivals in a social circle, met at a party. "My dear," said the first woman, "Are those real pearls?" "They are," replied the second woman. "Of course the only way I could tell would be for me to bite them." smiled the first. The second responded, "Yes, but for that you would need real teeth."
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Two women were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said, "Seems like all we do is fight anymore. I've been so upset that I've lost twenty pounds."
