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Movie makeup Rushing to get to a movie, a couple told their kids that they had to leave "right now". The teenage daughter headed for the bathroom to apply makeup. Her dad yelled for her to get in the car immediately, and headed for the garage grumbling. On the way to the multiplex the husband glanced in the rear-view mirror and caught his teen applying lipstick and blush, which produced the predictable lecture. "Look at your mom," he said. "She didn’t put on any makeup just to go sit in a dark movie theatre." From the back the wife heard, "Yeah, but mom doesn’t need makeup." Mom’s heart was swelled with the compliment, and as she turned back to thank her sweet, wonderful daughter, as the daughter continued, "Nobody looks at her." Bossy ways A boss of a
multinational company felt that he wasn’t getting any respect from
the staff. One morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small
sign that read, "I’m the Boss." He then taped it to his
office door. ‘Unfair’ trade A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it where the man verifies his ticket number. The Redneck says "I want my $20 million." To which the man replied, "No, sir. It doesn’t work that way. We give you a million today, and then you’ll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years." The Redneck said, "Oh, no. I want all my money RIGHT now! I won it, and I want it." Again the man patiently explains that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years. The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you’re not going to give me my $20 million right now, THEN I WANT MY DOLLAR BACK!! Crank call A man phones a mental hospital and asks the receptionist if there is anybody in Room 27. She goes and checks, and comes back to the phone, telling him, "No, the room is empty." "Good," says the man. "That means I must have really escaped."
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A man left for home from
his office one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going
home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and
spending his entire paycheck. When on Sunday night when he finally
went home, he was confronted by his very angry wife and was barraged
for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his
wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him, "How would you
like it if you do not see me for two or three days?" To which he
replied, "That would be fine with me." Monday went by and he
did not see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the
same results. Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where
he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.