|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Speachless
She handed it back to him — after she had replied with the word “Married.” Phone(y) tactics On their way to the hospital where a couple’s 16-year-old daughter was scheduled to undergo a tonsillectomy. During the ride they talked about how the procedure would be performed. “Dad,” the teenager asked, “how are they going to keep my mouth open during the surgery?” Without hesitation he said, “They’re going to give you a phone.” Holy stance When Sam returned to the house one evening, his wife Sarah announced that the new cleaning woman they had hired had stolen two towels. “Yeah,” said Sam very disinterested, and reclining on the sofa, “that wasn’t very nice of her to do.” “You’re darn right it wasn’t,” Sarah said. “And they were the two best towels we had .... you know the ones we got from the Hilton Hotel while we were on vacation!” In eyes of law A policeman arrives at the scene of an accident, in which a car smashed into a tree. The officer rushes over to the vehicle and asks the driver, “Are you seriously hurt?” “How do I know?” the driver responds. “I’m not a lawyer!” An officer and a gentleman Recently in traffic court, a man who received an expensive parking ticket, testified that a uniformed policeman had given his OK for the man to park there. The Judge asked the man if he would recognise the officer if he ever saw him again, and the man replied that he would. The Judge then said, “Good. When you see the Officer again, tell him he owes you 257 dollars. Next...” Punishment When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. “Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court,” he smiled with delight. “Now sit down at that table and write: ‘I will not pass through a red light’ five hundred times!!” Travelling light? A porter loaded down with suitcases followed the couple to the airline check-in counter. As they approached the line, the husband glanced at the pile of luggage and said to the wife, “Why didn’t you bring the piano, too?” “Are you trying to be funny?” she replied. “No, I really wish you had” he sighed. “I left the tickets on it.” True love A woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband, and she said, “I love you so much, I don’t know how I could ever live without you.” Her husband asked, “Is that you, or the wine talking?” She replied, “It’s me ... talking to the wine.”
|
||
|
|
||
A man who was involved in a serious accident was unable to speak when he regained consciousness. Wishing to know how long he had been unconscious, he took a piece of paper and a pencil from the bed stand, wrote “Date?” on it and gave it to his nurse.