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AS far as the present generation of mothers is concerned, it is a 24x7 job for them. Most of them received good education and to work or not to was an option. While some picked up jobs and juggled work pressures with raising families, others became homemakers. Irrespective of the fact whether one is a working woman or a homemaker, the responsibility of raising children into responsible, citizens has to be shouldered by the mother. Her role is more challenging, given the cutting-edge competition where children have to slog for each mark. One can often see mothers driving their children to and fro from one coaching class to another. They often wait patiently as children attend classes to drive them back home even though the traffic is a nightmare. Tuitions start early and can be taxing on the children and heavy on the pocket too. The children are bound and have to study at a time even when they do not want to. A home tuition is an expensive proposition as one has to shell out between Rs 4,000 and Rs 5,000 for about an hour. This limited time is not enough to cover such a vast array of subjects. What is the option? Some women have found a simple solution. With education by their side, Jasbir, Shelley, Dr Reena, Maninder, Sonia and Ruchi decided to tutor each other's children. And the result is amazing. All the children are enjoying studying from their, “aunties.” Khushman, a student of Class V111, Carmel Convent Chandigarh, says, “The timings are flexible, there is no pressure and studying at any aunty's house is like a home away from home. It is more comfortable and all the aunties from whom I study adjust to my pace and my mood.” It all started when one of the friends, Shelley, decided to help her friend Jasbir's daughter. The latter was finding mathematics tough, despite taking tuition. Jasbir pitched in to help another friend's son with Punjabi. This started a cycle of give and take between friends, reflecting in better grades for children in school. Jasbir says, “I always wanted to work but somehow could not. Teaching Punjabi to all my friends' children gives me something positive to look forward to every day. One of my friend's son (who did not like to study Punjabi) now calls me to ask when I would teach him for he scored marks which he had never imagined he could, that too after studying the subject in half the time that he would have otherwise put in,” she says with pride. This group of friends can help the children with all the subjects. Shelley says, “I have been having friends' children studying from me for as long as I can remember. Children of friends and relatives have been trooping in and out of my house. My children have benefited because of this. The children, on their part, find this experiment amazing. Pavit says, “It is fun to go to our aunties' house to study because invariably we get goodies to eat.” Her friend Mallika, also a student of Carmel Convent, chips in, “One of the aunties helps us stage a play every month. She gives us dialogues to learn, then we practice and we perform before our parents and grandparents who give us a treat after the performance.” If Sonia cannot help with studies, she more than makes up with the delicacies, she dishes out for everyone. The children enjoy studying science because a doctor (Reena), an expert in the subject, simplifies the atoms and the molecules. Being in the same Sector too saves a lot of time. One lady takes charge of picking up and dropping the children at various tuitions. As Maninder quips, “This is environment-friendly too!” Ruchi likes the idea of these children growing up together and not sticking to the electronic gadgets. Tejeshwar adds, “I could twist the tutors around my fingers according to my whims, but aunties know me inside out. No amount of cajoling can fool them. I have to work hard.” Such self-help groups are not only easy on the pocket but ensure the security of the children since the biggest tension for the family is the safety of children. The bonus is healthy bonds that develop and can last a lifetime. Mothers’ club 1. Be on the look-out for like-minded mothers. 2. Keep your ego and bank balance aside. Friends don't need either. 3. Confide in friends. Take tips for raising children. Remember the old African saying: “It takes one woman to give birth to a child but the whole village to raise the child.” 4. It takes time for friendship or this camaraderie to develop. Be patient. 5. Learn to give. Contribute in whatever way you can to the group. 6. Revel in friendship.
Never too late to learn the woofs & bow wows of petiquette YOU cuddle them, feed them, kiss them, let them lie in in your bed and snuggle with you on the sofa. For most, this would be their baby but for others it would be a canine or feline. While they may love to cuddle with them on their sofa, their guests may not agree.
It is important to start training your pet from a very young age to ensure he adheres to set limits. When you have guests or meet people in a public place or while travelling, be firm with how friendly he is allowed to be with strangers. The licking that you find comforting may be gross for others. Most people are terrified of big watchdogs and rightfully so. Given their size and aggressive looks, they can be intimidating. Rajita Goel from Ludhiana says, “We have two dogs that watch the house morning and night. I love cuddling them and my kids are also very fond of them. They roam about the house freely but when we have guests, I make sure someone holds them outside and keeps them away from the guests till they are inside.” Not everyone is as understanding. Kavita says of her neighbours, “My neighbours have a Pomeranian and he is never on a leash and is forever chasing kids and other people. He has bitten several people, including my eight-year-old son. When I complained, they simply said that the dog has been vaccinated so it is not a problem. We are at our wits’ end as to how to deal with the situation.” It would help if people keep their dog under control when they are outside and let them have a free run where they cannot cause any damage. As a rule, ask before you take your pet to a restaurant or hotel. In case you have to travel with them, choose to travel using personal transport where possible. Even places that do allow pets require that you follow certain etiquette. Ajay Bansal, host of BnB, New Delhi, allows pets into his Bed and Breakfast as the demand was high. “Certain people are very attached to their pets and would not leave them behind when they go for a vacation. Others are being transferred or are shifting and need to stop en route with their pets. We decided to make ours a pet-friendly place. Most of the guests we have, manage their pets very well without causing any inconvenience to other guests. For those who need to have defined protocol to follow, we have put guidelines on our website that the guests must follow. From being liable for any damage caused by pets to carrying their bedding and food, they need to take care that they treat it like a privilege, not a right,” says Bansal. Petiquette 101
Dealing with pets There are many people who are dead scared of dogs and may even be allergic to them. Try to keep the pet in a segregated area, such as a backyard, a terrace or a room where it is comfortable. In case of huge, intimidating dogs, put a sign on the door that warns visitors about your pet or have a secure place where you can leave them thout their being able to break free.
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Disha Bhasin, a pet lover from Chandigarh, gave away a pet dog because it started biting people and had become very rowdy. Although it was a tough decision to take, she says, “My brother and I love dogs. We believe that managing their behaviour in company is very important. For my brother's birthday, I gifted him a Labrador and we adore him. We are trying to lay rules so that this time around things don’t get out of hand. When we have guests, we make sure he is in another room, away from people who might be afraid or unhappy being around pets. We encourage him to become familiar with frequent visitors and behave himself.”
Keep your dogs incessant barking in check, especially at night. To manage the barking, give the dog plenty of exercise to tire him and don't leave him unattended for extended periods. In parks and hotels, don't allow your dog to sniff other people's belongings and carry a poop scooper to clear away any mess that he makes. With other animals around, keep him supervised. An aggressive animal could hurt others and a gentle one could be mauled by others, and neither situation is welcome. Keep them on a leash and control with a firm hand. Before taking your pet to a friend’s or relative’s place, ask them and make sure they are okay with it. If they also have pets, let them be together only if it is safe and they will not harm each other. Also, ensure they do not scratch or spoil things around the house.