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Romantic lights
The wife was falling in love with him all over again, until he added, "We gotta get some of these lights for home." Neighbour’s envy A commercial property owner has three shops in a row, all for rent. The first prospective lessee shows up, and says he wants to rent the shop on the left. The owner says, "Fine, what kind of shop do you have?" The guy says, "A men’s wear shop." The owner tells him he gets free signage and asks what he wants on the sign. "Men’s Wear," says the man. A second guy comes along and wants to rent the right hand shop. When asked he says he wants "Men’s Wear" on his sign. The owner tells him that the left hand shop will be the same. "No problem," says the man. Finally a third man comes along to rent the middle shop. The owner is most concerned because this guy also has a men’s wear shop. Rather wearily the owner asks him what he wants on his sign. The guy replies: "Entrance." Titanic test A teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it." The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St Peter let him through the gate. St Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn’t REALLY need all the odours that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?" Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie, and answered, "1,228." "That’s right! You may enter." St Peter then turned to the lawyer. "Name them." Smile please A local paper runs a popular column called "10 Questions" that spotlights people who live in the community. In addition to the usual inquiries about occupation and age, people are asked questions that give a snapshot of their personalities. Recently one woman was asked, "What’s the strangest thing you ever bought?" She answered, "Dog toothpaste." Next question: "What is the most common thing people say to you?" Her answer: "Where did you get such white teeth?" Tricks of trade Jones applied to a collection agency for a job, but he had no experience. He was so intense that the manager gave him a tough account with the promise that if he collected it, he’d get the job. Two hours later, Jones came back with the entire amount. "Amazing!" the manager said. "How did you do it?" "Easy," Jones replied. "I told him if he didn’t pay up, I’d tell all his other creditors that he paid us."
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Halfway through a
romantic dinner at a cozy little restaurant, a husband smiled and
said, "You look so beautiful under these lights."