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On the first day of college, the Dean addresses the students, pointing out some of the rules. "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students. Similarly, the male dormitory will be out of bounds to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $150. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $500. "Are there any questions?" At this, a male student in the crowd inquires, " Sir, how much for a season pass?" A surgeon examined a new patient most carefully. After studying the x-rays, he turned to the man and said, "Could you pay for an operation if I told you it was necessary?" The patient thought for a moment, then said to the doctor, "Would you find one necessary if I told you I couldn't pay for it?" Good news, bad news A large two-engine passenger train was crossing the country. After they had gone some distance, one of the engines broke down. "No problem," the engineer thought and carried on at half power. Farther on down the line, the other engine broke down and the train came to a standstill. The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement, "Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time. The good news is that you decided to take the train instead of an airplane." Wagging tales A man tried to sell his neighbour a new dog. "This is a talking dog," he said, "and you can have him for five dollars." The neighbour said, "Who do you think you're kidding with this talking dog stuff? There's no such animal." Suddenly the dog looked up with tears in his eyes. "Please buy me, Sir," he pleaded. "This man is cruel. He never buys me a meal, never bathes me, never takes me for a walk. And I used to be the richest trick dog in America. I performed before kings. I was in the army and was decorated ten times." "Hey!" said the neighbour. "He can talk. Why do you want to sell him for just five dollars?" "Because," said the seller, "I'm getting tired of all his lies." Test flight Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped and returned to the gate. After waiting about an hour, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant what had happened. "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," said the attendant. "It took us an hour to find another pilot!"
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Surgery pays