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The newly weds were on their honeymoon. As the newly weds came out of the elevator of their Miami beach hotel, a magnificent blonde, looked at the couple in surprise. She turned to the man and asked: "Why, hello, Teddy, how are you?" A frosty silence prevailed until the couple reached their room. The piqued bride demanded, "Who was that woman?!" "Take it easy, honey," said the groom, "I'm already going to have trouble enough explaining you to her."
Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye went to study at an English university. He was living in the hall of residence with all other students there. A month later his mother came to visit him. "And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked. "Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night." "Oh Donald! How do you live with these awful noisy neighbours?" "Well, I just ignore them quietly, playing my bagpipes." Bulls vs bears The phone rang in the stockbroker's office. "May I speak with Mr Bradford?""I'm sorry. Mr Bradford is on another line." This is Mr Ingram's office. We'd like to know if he's bullish or bearish right now." "He's talking to his wife. Right now I'd say he's sheepish." Handy help The elevator in a building malfunctioned one day, leaving several people stranded inside. Seeing a sign that listed two emergency phone numbers, a man dialled the first and explained their situation. After what seemed to be a very long silence, the voice on the other end said, "I don't know what you expect me to do for you. I'm a psychologist." "A psychologist?" he replied. "Your phone is listed here as an emergency number. Can't you help us?" "Well," the psychologist finally responded in a measured tone. "How do you feel about being stuck in an elevator?" Speed coupons "What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled a motorist as the policeman handed him a speeding ticket. "Keep it," the cop said, "when you collect four of them, you get a bicycle." Slippery steak A waiter brings a customer the steak he ordered. The waiter has his thumb over the meat. "Are you crazy?" yelled the customer, "What’s your hand doing on my steak?" "What..." answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the floor again?" Vacation verification Summer vacation was over and the teacher asked little Johnny about his trip. "We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota." The teacher asked, "Good, can you tell the class how you spell that?" After careful thought, Little Johnny said, "Actually, we went to Ohio."
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Noisy
neighbours