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“Yes, son?” the father said expectantly. “What bus should I take home?” the boy finished. Epitaph The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. “Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer; she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, he’s a doctor.’” A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher ... she’s dead.” Best answer Mother: “Why are you home from school so early?” Son: “I was the only one who could answer a question.” Mother: “Oh, really? What was the question?” Son: “Who threw the eraser at the principal?” A little girl was puzzled as to her origin. “How did I get here, Mommy?” Her mommy said, using a well-worn phrase, “The good Lord sent you.” “And did Lord send you too, Mommy?” “Yes, Dear, He did.” “And Grandma and great grandma and daddy, too?” asked the little girl? Again the answer was, “Yes.” The child shook her head in disbelief. “Then you mean to tell me there has been no normal birth in this family for 200 years?......No wonder everyone is so cranky!” Queuing up ”Well,” snarled the tough old sergeant to the bewildered private. “I suppose after you get discharged from the Army, you’ll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and spit on my grave.” “Not me, Sergeant!” the private replied. “Once I get out of the Army, I’m never going to stand in line again!” Stormy passage A passenger jet was suffering through a severe thunderstorm. As the passengers were being bounced around by the turbulence, a young woman turned to a minister sitting next to her and with a nervous laugh asked, “Reverend, you’re a man of God, can’t you do something about this storm?” To which he replied, “Lady, I’m in sales, not management.” Feet talk A man walks into a shoe store and tries on a pair of shoes. “How do they feel?” asks the sales clerk. “Well ...they feel a bit tight,” replies the man. The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and the man’s feet. “Try pulling the tongue out,” offers the clerk. “Theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth,” the man replied Second chance A taxpayer received a strongly worded “second notice” that his taxes were overdue. Hastening to the collector’s office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically that he had overlooked the first notice. “Oh,” confided the collector with a smile, “we don’t send out first notices. We have found that the second notices are more effective.”
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A father and his small son were standing in front of the tiger’s cage at the zoo. Father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are, and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression. “Dad”, the boy said finally, “if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up….”