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Oh my God!
Ego crusher The plane was only half-full. When an attractive young woman asked if the seat next to mine was free, my male ego soared. Soon we were chatting pleasantly, and she told me it was her first flight. “Mom said to sit next to someone I thought I could trust,” she confessed nervously. “And you look just like my dad.” Personal digit One caller to an answering service gave her his name, number and message and then said, “You know my name. What’s yours?” “4136,” She replied, since they were allowed only to give their operator numbers. Sounding disappointed, he said, “May I call you by your first digit, or would that be too personal?” Surprise gift In an upscale pet-supply store, a customer wanted to buy a red sweater for her dog. The clerk suggested that she bring her dog in for a proper fit. “I can’t do that!” the lady said. “The sweater is a surprise!” Pie games In a country home that seldom had guests, the young son was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office. When the dinner was nearly over, the boy went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father, who passed it to a guest. The boy came in with a second piece of pie and again watched his father give it to a guest. This was too much for the boy, who said, “It’s no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size.” Tough job One day a man spotted a lamp by the roadside. He picked it up, rubbed it vigorously, and a genie appeared.
“I’ll grant you your fondest wish,” the genie said. The man thought for a moment, then said, “I want a spectacular job—a job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever attempted to do.”
“Poof!” said the genie. “You’re a housewife.”
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In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear. In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could. The hunter ran and ran and ran, his lungs burned for lack of oxygen, his heart pounding so hard he felt like it would burst out of his chest. Then suddenly, he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim. Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, “Dear Lord! Please give this bear some ‘religion’!” The skies darkened, and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused. Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky, kneeled and said, “Thank you, Lord, for this food I’m about to receive....”
