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Pepper & spice
"How romantic!" she thought. Two-and-a-half hours later, she was still waiting for dinner to be served. She tiptoed to the kitchen and found it in a colossal mess. Her harried husband, removing something indescribable from the smoking oven, saw her in the doorway. "Almost ready!" he vowed. "Sorry it took me so long—I had to refill the pepper shaker." "Why, honey, how long could that have taken you?" "More than an hour, I reckon. Wasn’t easy stuffing it through those dumb little holes." Incurable disease A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After the check-up, the doctor called the husband’s wife into his office alone. The doctor told her, "Your husband is suffering from a very serious disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die." "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner, prepare something especially nice for him. Don’t burden him with chores. Let him rest and relax. Don’t discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And, most importantly, cater to his every whim." "If you can do this for the next 10 months to twelve months, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?" "Well... He said you’re going to die any day now." Smart runner Two young hikers were hiking through Yellowstone National Park. They rounded a curve and came face to face with a huge grizzly bear with cubs about a hundred yards away. The bear charged. One of the hikers immediately sat down, pulled his tennis shoes out of his pack, and began putting them on. The other hiker said, "You’re crazy! You can’t outrun that bear!" The first fellow says, "I don’t need to outrun the bear. All I need to do is outrun you!" Welcome wag A man took his dog to the vets and asked the vet to completely remove the dog’s tail. The confused vet said: "Why do you want me to do that? The dog’s tail is perfectly healthy." The man replied: "My wife’s mother is coming my home this weekend and I want to make sure that there is no sign of any welcome." Parroting wisdom A Chinese man walks into a shop with a nice looking parrot on his shoulder. The shopkeeper says: "Wow, where did you get that?" And before the Chinese could answer, the parrot says: "China, there are loads of them there". Confusion A man said to his friend "I can’t decide whether to buy a bicycle or a cow for my farm". "Well wouldn’t you look silly riding a cow?" his friend said. "But I’d look a darn sight sillier trying to milk a bicycle."
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On their anniversary
night, the husband sat his wife sat down in the den with her favourite
magazine, turned on the soft reading lamp, slipped off her shoes,
patted and propped her feet and announced that he was preparing dinner
all by himself.