Society
 After the wedding bells, face the music
There is no management course in wedding management but a marriage is the biggest game-changer for a bride. Once she enters a new household and is surrounded by new relations, it is tough for her to find her bearings
Seerat Toor Grewal

The D-day is over and so are the high notes of elation, jubilations and ceremonies. The first year of wedded life is actually the honeymoon period for the couple, but not for the wife individually. The icing on the cake are umpteen customs and social etiquette which you are bound to follow. Life takes a new pace as the first few days are packed with activity at home and socially.

The morning rush: Dad’s sweet lil’ princess no more can enjoy a full night’s sleep. The newly wedded birdie is not pushed into rough household chores though, but you have to live-up to your Prince Charming’s unsaid wish to bring him tea in bed. All relatives greet you with warmth and shower blessings on you. It is up to you to decode the real expectations of his family, hidden behind the flowery language. It’s simple. So, if your brand new mom-in-law says, "Why are you taking pains to make tea the first day, let me do it for you!" Contrary to the literal connotation, she is on the contarary expecting you to make it for everybody.

Overdose of coochy-cooing relatives: You remain the centre of attraction for all the relatives till they once see you in person, to come out with their own version of description of your ways and looks. You may do anything to please them; they will find a flaw which can range from your looks, to attitude etc. The buck doesn’t stop here as they can’t possibly rest until they take turns to express their discoveries to your husband or immediate family in sugar-coated sarcasm. But, you have to remain calm and be yourself.

The kitchen round: You maybe an established professional but you are expected to lend a helping hand in kitchen. Now, poor babe who has never cooked all her life has to prepare something sweet as shagun. Heavens will fall if you don’t have a running Internet connection. Nobody gives you that comfort of time and space to freely talk to your mom and take live instructions. So, all you have is some faint idea of how mom used to make the dessert at home. Faint ideas lead to faint tastes and all the effort goes waste. So, the best way is to declare the truth and ask for some verbal help and push on fearlessly.

The social pressures: Post-wedding time is often loaded with rounds of dining with family friends and your hubby’s circle of friends. The idea is to introduce the newly-wedded bride to everybody. It is the best phase of your new life. It can be taxing as the free bird that was always found chirping in best brands and dresses, is now supposed to be in heavy ethnic wear, and adorned with heavy jewellery. In addition to the attire, you are expected to carry a serene, patient and smiling countenance that is not open to any temptation. You are supposed to answer everything with panache.

The Zandu balm effect: Funny as it may sound but as a wife you are expected by your husband to massage his ego with Zandu balm so he may always feel he is in command. Men are blind to reality. They see what they are told, so feed their minds before their tummies. With food on his plate and mouth, he is powerless to express any anger. This makes him believe he is in command and even though you know who is running the show.

Missing mom and dad: It might not be the first time you are staying away from your parents but the situation is different from all your previous ventures. The first few weeks can be very taxing as it is not everytime you can call your family and friends back when you miss them. It is equally difficult to confide in someone at your in-laws’ apart from your husband. He will understand your feelings but don’t overdo it. Make sure you only express the censored outflow of emotions and this especially holds true for arranged marriages.

The new you: A wedlock comes with an unwritten agreement you make with yourself and your new family that you will appreciate any differences of opinion and lifestyles you come across and will try to adopt them. It is a very sensitive clause and you have to walk the line very carefully. It is always best to align your choices according to the wishes of the new household, without diluting your desires and dreams. You have to weave a relation where your individuality is acknowledged and respected.

Thus, the post-wedding period when the real life sets in can be very demanding for girls as they have parted from their family, friends and home. The same holds good for boys as they have to gear-up for new equations in their home, but for them things are eased out in many aspects. The best way is to prepare your secret cheat-sheet where you put down all the sneaks and follow it religiously. Make yourself comfortable with new situations and try to gel with the new circle. There is no management course in wedding management so far, so you have to rest on experience and time to carve out your own niche.

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