|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good ... mostly A’s and a couple of B’s. However, her teacher had written across the bottom: “Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit.” Sally’s dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: “Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother.” Repoting right A little boy had been pawing over a stationer’s stock of greeting cards for some time when a clerk asked, "Just what is it you’re looking for? A birthday greeting, message to a sick friend, Anniversary or a congratulations to your mom and dad?" The boy shook his head and answered, "Got any like a blank report card?" Robbery lesson A robber walks into a bank, produces a gun and points to the teller saying, "Give me all the money or you’ll be geography." The teller looks up and says, "Don’t you mean history?" The robber replies, "Don’t change the subject." Landing trouble As the passengers settled in on a West Coast commuter flight, a flight attendant announced, "We’d like you folks to help us welcome our new co-pilot. He’ll be performing his first commercial landing for us today, so be sure to give him a big round of applause when we come to a stop." The plane made an extremely bumpy landing, bouncing hard two or three times before taxiing to a stop. Still, the passengers applauded. Then the attendant’s voice came over the intercom, "Thanks for flying with us. And don’t forget to let our co-pilot know which landing you liked best." Vital stats A man goes to a doctor for a routine physical. The nurse starts with the basics. "How much do you weigh?" she asks. "Oh, about 165." he says. The nurse puts him on the scale. It turns out that his weight is 187. The nurse asks, "Your height?" "Oh, about six feet," he says. The nurse checks and sees that he’s only 5 feet 8 `BE inches. She then takes his blood pressure, and it’s very high. "High!" The man explains, "Of course it’s high. When I came in here, I was tall and lanky. Now, I’m short and fat!" The pledge Grandpa Cartnell was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well- preserved he appeared. "I will tell you the secret of my success," he cackled. "My wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk. Gentlemen, I have been walking in the open air day after day for some 75 years now."
|
||
|
|
||
Silence please! 