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Children with more energy than their peers, siblings, parents or teachers should not be labelled as being attention deficit. You should slow down and look at what is driving the child's behaviour
Poonam, the mother of a five-year-old girl studying in a reputed school, is on her way back from yet another meeting with the class teacher. On the verge of tears, she is seriously contemplating putting her in a day boarding. Right from the moment she wakes her up to putting her to sleep; she has to be incessantly after her to get any job done. Although she gets good grades, her teachers summon her to school to complain about how she harasses them by getting out of her seat every 10 minutes, going to her friends' desks, wandering out of the classroom and just doing what she fancies. Or take the case of Akshay, an 11-year -old who is continuously singled out by teachers for making trouble. Trouble in his case is asking too many questions that the teachers feel are irrelevant, wanting to participate in every class activity when only a few students can be selected, reading books other than course material when lessons are being revised, etc. Reprimanded at home, he tries his best to lie low. These kids are like any other kids their age but with way more energy. It would not be wrong to call them gifted but most teachers and even 'well-wishers' hurry to label them as kids with ADHA or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. They are in no way qualified to pass a judgement that could rule the course of the child's life. ADHD is a diagnosis and not opinions that can be thrown on kids who have more energy than their peers, siblings, parents or teachers. All it takes to understand them is for you to slow down and look at what is driving the child's behaviour.
Stereotyping is a problem that kids like Akshay face all the time. Even before they go to the next class, their reputation precedes them. Once they have been labelled as trouble makers, it is difficult to outgrow the label. The effect of the label can be dual-pronged; the kid either tries his best to fall in line with what society dictates or he rebels and plays out the exact behaviour pattern that they accuse him of. It is more likely that a child being called a trouble maker constantly will turn into one. Psychologist speak Dr Roopali Virk, a clinical psychologist, says, "There are many reasons why a kid may behave in an unacceptable manner in class or at home which leads to his being labelled as a trouble maker. They usually have more energy than their peers, may have a higher IQ and get bored easily or may want to attract attention for a variety of reasons. It is important to pinpoint the reasons for their playing out and the behaviour that needs to be tackled. For a child who is super energetic, it is advisable to have them enrolled for some physical activity that will channel their energy. In class, the teacher could use their extra energy and give them duties like collecting notebooks and peer tutoring. Remember that for minor transgressions, it is better to ignore their behaviour than to scold them and give them attention that will further such behaviour. Make them practice the art of focusing on the activity on hand before moving on to the next activity. Develop a system based on rewards for positive behaviour and penalty for negative behaviour to encourage desirable behaviour." What works with one kid may not work for the other and parents and teachers need to tackle these little people as individuals with preferences. While no TV as a punishment may work for one child, another may respond to a star chart based on good and bad behaviour with red stars for everything nicely done and a black star for every bad behaviour. Enrolling her daughter for swimming and not allowing her to start a new activity before finishing the one on hand, has worked wonders for Poonam. She says that her daughter looks forward to the swimming classes eagerly and readily finishes her homework in one sitting as she wants to reach there on time. As she says, "Kids are our precious possession and we talk to them rudely and get them to fall in line with what adults around them expect. Take the time and keep the patience to understand why they behave a certain way and listen to them. You will be surprised by what you can achieve."
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Swati
has to go for a dinner party and has already dressed her kids. As she
steps out of her room, all ready for the party, she flies into a rage
at the sight of her eight-year-old son. Drenched from head to toe, he
wears a guilty look on his face. Her younger daughter explains how he
accidentally turned on the shower in the bathroom. She is at her wits'
end as to how to deal with him as accidents always seem to be
attracted towards him.
A small dialogue with
Akshay opens your eyes. As he tinkers with the strap of his watch that
has come loose, he says, "I try to stay out of trouble but
somehow trouble finds me. As the teachers are telling things in the
class, I find it difficult to keep my questions to myself. Now I try
and find my answers on the internet. My parents have a problem with my
spending too much time on the internet but where else do I look for
what I want to know more about? If I offer to help the teachers or
want to participate in some activity, teachers prefer to choose
someone else as they think that I will only create some problem. I
really wish they would give me a chance."