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Ronnie goes down to the barber shop. He gets his hair cut and then he is getting a shave. After being nicked by the barber several times Ronnie says, "Hey buddy, have you got an extra razor?" The barber replies, "Well, yes sir, I do. Would you prefer shaving yourself?" Ronnie said, "Well, not exactly, but I thought I could defend myself." Of mice and elephants A couple moved to the country when they retired. One mild winter, they had a bit of a problem with rodents in the garage. So they bought one of those little sub-sonic mouse repellents, the kind you plug in and they emit some kind of sound that drives off mice. The husband was showing it to their neighbour and explaining that it was an animal repellent. He told her that it worked on everything from mice to elephants. "Really!?" she said, "Mice to elephants, eh." sounding a bit sceptical. "Yes," he replied, seriously. "We’ve had it here for a couple of weeks now and we haven’t had a single elephant in the garage the whole time." Bloody love A young boy goes to blood bank and asks for a bottle of blood. Nurse: "What’s the blood group needed?". Boy: "Any group will be fine." Nurse: "How come"? Boy: "Just want to write a love letter to my girlfriend." Vital stats A five-feet tall and pleasingly plump teenage girl met with a minor accident,. Her mother accompanied her to the emergency room. When the ER nurse asked for her height and weight, the girls responded in a serious tone, "Five-foot-eight, 125 pounds."While the nurse pondered over this information, her mother leaned over to her and gently chided: "Sweetheart, "this is not the internet." Pet-ty ways An airline customer-service agent got a call from a woman who wanted to know if she could take her dog on board. He told her the dog was welcome, as long as she paid a $50 charge and provided her own kennel. He further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around and roll over. "But I’ll never be able to teach him all that by tomorrow!" the customer complained. Help thy neighbour The doorbell rang and the lady of the house discovered a workman, complete with tool chest, on the front porch. "Madam," he announced, "I’m the piano tuner." The lady exclaimed, "Why? I didn’t send for a piano tuner." The man replied, "I know you didn’t, but your neighbours did." Winsome argument A husband and wife were involved in a petty argument, both of them unwilling to admit they might be in error. "I’ll admit I’m wrong," the wife told her husband in a conciliatory attempt, "if you’ll admit I’m right." He agreed and, like a gentleman, insisted she go first. "I’m wrong," she said. With a twinkle in his eye, he responded, "You’re right!"
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