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Policing trouble
The man though for a moment and said ... "Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror, I thought you were that officer and you were trying to give her back to me!" Paid in full A woman was getting swamped with calls from strangers. The reason? A billing service had launched a number that was identical to hers. When she called to complain, she was told to get a new number. "I've had mine for 20 years," she pleaded. "Couldn't you change yours?" The company refused, so she said, "Fine. From now on, I'm going to tell everyone who calls that their bill is paid in full." The company got a new number the next day. Perks of parking A regular customer walks into the bar and says, "Bartender, one round for everyone, on me!" The bartender says, "Well, seems you're in a really good mood tonight." The man replies, "I sure am! Yesterday I was hired by the city to go around and collect money from the parking meters!" The bartender congratulates the man and proceeds to pour the round. The next night the same man walks back in, "Bartender, TWO rounds for everyone, on me!" The bartender says, "If you're so happy just over having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you'll be when you get your first pay check!" With a wondrous look on his face, the man pulls out a handful of quarters from his pocket and says, "You mean they're going to PAY me too?" Waiting for doctor A man goes to the doctor with a swollen leg. After a careful examination, the doctor gives the man a pill big enough to choke a horse. "I'll be right back with some water," the doctor tells him. The doctor has been gone a while and the man loses patience. He hobbles out to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down his throat and gobbles down water until the pill clears his throat. He hobbles back into the examining room. The doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water. "Ok, after the tablet dissolves, soak that leg for at least 30 minutes. Good news vs bad news The gynaecologist enters the waiting room. "I have some good news for you, Mrs Douglas." "Pardon me," she interrupted, "but it's Miss." The doctor said, "Oh, then I have some bad news for you, Miss Douglas.
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A man was driving home
late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. He
notices a police car with its red lights on in his rear view mirror.
He thinks "I can outrun this guy," so he floors it and the
race is on. The cars are racing down the highway - 60, 70, 80, 90
miles an hour. Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy figures
"what the heck," and gives up. He pulls over to the curb.
The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He
leans down and says, "Listen mister, I've had a really lousy day,
and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I'll let you
go."