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Venomous wife
"After you put poison in the coffee, you sat at the breakfast table and watched your husband drink it. Tell me, didn’t you feel the slightest bit of pity for him?" the defence attorney prompted. "Yes," she replied, "I think there was one moment when I felt sorry for him." "And when was that?" "When he asked for his second cup." Smoking ill After a couple of hours of a meeting, a man noticed that his friend, who otherwise a chain-smoker, hadn’t once lit up a cigarette. "Are you trying to kick the habit?" he asked. "No," his friend replied. "I have a cold, and I don’t smoke when I’m not feeling well." "You know," he observed, "you’d probably live longer if you were sick more often." Noise abatement "Flight 1234," the control tower advised, "turn right 45 degrees for noise abatement." "Roger," the pilot responded, "but we’re at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" "Sir," the radar operator replied, "have you ever heard the noise a 727 makes when it hits a 747?" Lighting lives A worker came in to work early one day and began hanging upside down from the ceiling. Just then one of his blonde co-workers came in and asked what he was doing. "Shh," he said, " I’m a light bulb—I’m acting crazy to get a few days’ off, as there is an out of town wedding and I need to attend it." A minute later the boss walked by and asked him what he was doing. "I’m a light bulb!" he exclaimed. "You’re going crazy," the boss said. "Take a few days off, and come back when you are less stressed." The man jumped down and started walking out. His blonde co-worker started following him and the boss asked where she was going. "I can’t work in the dark," she said. Tipsy "What’s the usual tip?" a man growled at the college boy who delivered his pizza. "Well," the student replied, "this is my first delivery, but the other guys said that if I got a quarter out of you, I’d be doing great." "Is that so?" grunted the man. "In that case, here’s five dollars." "Thanks," the student said, "I’ll put it in my college fund." "By the way, what are you studying?" asked the customer. "Applied psychology." Clueless canine A woman went to the counter to purchase a drinking bowl for her dog. The clerk asked, "Would you like it inscribed ‘For The Dog’?" "It doesn’t really matter," she replied. "My husband doesn’t drink water and the dog can’t read." Taking Dad’s place Johnny’s dad was away on a business trip. So he wanted to sleep with his mother. The first night she refused. The second night she did it again. On the third night she decided to let him lie with her and handle it from there. So Johnny put on his pyjamas and jumped into bed on his father’s side. With both his hands behind his head, he said to his mother: "Honey, with Christmas approaching, don’t you think it would be a good idea if we buy Johnny a bicycle?"
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A woman was on the
witness stand, accused of poisoning her husband.