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Chickened out A man brings home a new parrot from a pet shop. The parrot has a bad habit of swearing. The new owner is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it gets to be too much, so he grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "STOP IT!" But this makes the bird mad and he swears more than
ever. Then the guy gets mad and says, “OK for you,” and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush. At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very quiet. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door. The bird calmly climbs onto the man’s outstretched arm and says, “Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now
on.” The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot. Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?" Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her
face. "Why do you do that, Mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a
tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?", he asked
again. Testimonials Several women, each trying to one-up the other, appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived. The judge, with Solomon-like wisdom decreed, "Okay, I'm ready to hear the evidence ... I'll hear the oldest
first." The case was dismissed for lack of testimony. Love-all An ardent fan of soccer, a husband was in a conflict with his wife. The husband wanted to watch an important match of soccer on television, but the wife insisted that they should have their dinner first with the rest of the family. To keep peace, he ate dinner with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after-dinner conversation before retiring to the family room to turn on the game. Several minutes later, his wife came downstairs and graciously even bought a cup of coffee for him. She smiled, kissed him on the cheek and asked what the score was. He told her it was the end of the third quarter and that the score was still nothing to
nothing. "See?" she said, continuing to smile, "You didn't miss a thing."
Locked out One rainy evening, a couple emerged from a restaurant only to find that the husband had inadvertently locked the keys in the car. He insisted he could open the door with a wire coat hanger, so he went back to the restaurant to get one. There were none to be found. Then he ran to a department store a quarter-mile away and returned with a hanger. After a few attempts, he got the door open and they climbed in. As they sat there, soaked and cold, he stuck the hanger under his seat. With a smug grin, he said, "Now if this ever happens again, I'll have one."
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Creamed