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Emergency service
The men readily put their muscles to the car and rolled it several blocks. After a while, one looked up, exhausted, to see that they had just passed a filling station. "Why didn’t you didn't turn in?" he yelled. "I never go there," the girl shouted back. "They don't have full service." Daddy’s darling A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The following Sunday, the Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but my mom says I'm not." Off track An Englishman decided to visit his brother in Germany. He assumed that most Germans would speak English. But found that many people spoke only their native tongue. The ticket inspector on the train punched his ticket, then chatted cordially for a bit, making gestures like a windmill. The Englishman simply nodded from time to time to show him that he was interested. When he had gone, an American woman soldier in the compartment leaned forward and asked if he spoke German. "No," the man confessed. "Then that explains," she said, "why you didn't bat an eyelid when he told you that you were on the wrong train." Nervous witness An uncertain and nervous witness was being cross-examined. The lawyer thundered, "Have you ever been married?" "Yes, sir," said the witness in a low voice. "Once." "Whom did you marry?" "Well, a woman." The lawyer bellowed angrily, "Of course, you married a woman. Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man?" To which the witness replied meekly, "My sister did." Male characteristics A young woman adopted a stray cat and took him to the vet to be neutered. "I'm about 90 per cent certain he's been fixed," the vet said. "How can I be 100 per cent sure?" She asked. "Watch to see if he does any 'male' things." "Ok. He already lies on the couch all day," she said. "If he starts hogging the remote, I'll bring him in." Spellings "How do you spell elephant"?, a teacher asked a little girl in the class. "E-l-l-e-e-f-a-n-t" "That's not how the dictionary spells it". "You didn't ask me how the dictionary spells it", the little girl replied. New baby Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?" His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Johnny." Johnny says, "Yeah! Now I can see why they threw him out!" Terror kid Johnny was one of those holy terrors. You know, the kind of child that is into everything, can't keep still, very naughty and drives you crazy. His father was surprised when Johnny's mother suggested that they buy him a bicycle for his birthday. "Do you really believe that'll help improve his behaviour?" the father asked. "Well, no," the mom admitted, "But it will spread it over a wider area."
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The