|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Crime and honesty A burglar alarm sent out its piercing wail in a lonely house and the police arrived just in time to nab the burglar, Morris, as he was leaving the premises with a big bag full of loot. Soon, he was in court, facing a grim-looking judge. “Did you have an accomplice?” asked the judge.
“A partner. In other words, did you commit this crime by yourself?” “What else?"” demanded the culprit. “Who can get honest and reliable help these days?” Smart move “Take a pencil and paper,” the teacher said, “and write an essay with the title ‘If I Were a Millionaire.’” Everyone but began to write furiously but one student just leaned back in his chair and folded his arms. “What’s the matter,” the teacher asked. “Why don’t you begin?” “I'm waiting for my secretary,” he replied. Darling’s dentures The minister had just had all his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made. The first Sunday after the surgery, he only preached for 10 minutes. The second Sunday, he preached for 20 minutes. But, on the third Sunday he preached for 1 hour 25 minutes. When asked about this, he responded this way: “The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk. The second Sunday, my dentures were still hurting a lot. The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife's dentures and I couldn't stop talking!” Cane and Able Doctor Bloomfield, who was known for extraordinary treatment of arthritis, had a waiting room full of people when a little old lady, almost bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane. When her turn came, she went into the doctor’s office, and, amazingly, emerged within 5 minutes walking completely erect with her head held high. A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this rushed up to the little old lady and said, “It’s a miracle! You walked in bent in half and now you’re walking erect. What did that doctor do?” She answered: “He gave me a longer cane.” Silent sufferer Brother John entered the ‘Monastery of Silence’ and the Chief Priest said, “Brother, this is a silent monastery, you are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so.” Brother John lived in the monastery for a full year before the Chief Priest said to him: “Brother John, you have been here a year now, you may speak two words.” Brother John said, “Hard Bed.” “I'm sorry to hear that,” the Chief Priest said. “We will get you a better bed.” The next year, Brother John was called by the Chief Priest. “You may say another two words Brother John.” “Cold Food.” said Brother John, and the Chief Priest assured him that the food would be better in the future. On his third anniversary at the monastery, the Chief Priest again called Brother John into his office. “Two words you may say today.” “I Quit.” said Brother John. “It is probably best,” said the Chief Priest. “All you have done since you got here was complain.” Horsing around Little Susan was mother’s helper. She helped set the table when company was due for dinner. Presently everything was on, the guests came in, and everyone sat down. Then mother noticed something was missing. “Susan,” she said, “You didn't put a knife and fork at Mr. Smith's place.” “I thought he wouldn’t need them,” explained Susan. “Daddy says . . . he always eats like a horse!”
|
||
|
|
||
“What’s an accomplice?” replied Morris.
