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Honest reward
When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are 20y $1 bills." The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward." Doctor speak The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy." "Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife." Marital madness A girl, who was going to get married soon, asked her married woman colleague in the office for some advice. "The first 10 years are the hardest." the colleague replied. "How long have you been married?" the girl asked. "10 years," she replied. Godfather A nice Jewish girl brings home her fiancée to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother asks her father to find out about the young man. He invites the fiancée to his study for schnapps. "So what are your plans?" the father asks the fiancée. "I am a Torah scholar," he replies. "A Torah scholar." the father says. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?" "I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us." "And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asks the father. "I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "God will provide for us." "And children?" asks the father. "How will you support children?" "Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiancée. The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the fiancée insists that God will provide. Later, the mother asks "So, how did it go?" The father answers, "He has no job and no plans. But the good news is, he thinks I'm God." Journalistic abilities A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a gathering of humour editors, and his host naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," he asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If there is hesitation; that puts you on the track." "What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'" The editor thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history." Military etiquette Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar"? Soldier: "Sure, buddy", and he starts looking for change in his pocket. Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Do you have change for a dollar"? Soldier: "No, SIR"!
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A lady lost her handbag
in the bustle of Christmas shopping. It was found by an honest little
boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented,
"Hmmm.... That's funny.