Society
Why emotional empowerment matters
Aruti Nayar

Emotions can be the driver of a woman's life but if she is in the driving seat, she can ensure the ride through life is neither rocky nor turbulent but a sheer joyride.

"Oh! Women are really the victims of their emotions, they allow their heart to rule their head," the young girl sitting on the Shatabdi to New Delhi was telecounselling. Her statement set one thinking.

Why is it that emotional richness is construed not as an asset to be prized but a liability that is the bane of a woman's life, that thwarts her from being fully functional?

For a woman, emotional empowerment means a host of management techniques. At number one is learning to live without guilt. Be it role expectations or the desire to seek approval and "fit into" the socially desirable slot, a woman is ever ready to take off on a guilt trip. Not that family and society make it easy for her for they are ever-ready to push her into the boxes that require her to conform to the preconceived notions of what she should do (or not do) in her various roles. She is being constantly sized up, rated and or berated for failing to measure up to the required expectations.

Very often, the virtues of self-effacement and sacrifice are exalted in a woman. Feminine strength is equated with sacrificing every aspiration for the larger good. She must be the giver and not the grabber. Her own needs must be subservient to the needs of the family. What if she does not want to "give" and wants her share of a slice of life? Then she must express herself, in whatever manner she can. She should negotiate for her space, be it at home or socially. The skills of negotiation have to be honed by asserting herself early on in life.

Often, the family tends to condition a girl child differently as compared to a boy. She is asked not to be too argumentative and contest what is said to her. She is not taught to be assertive because that is perceived as being "non-adjusting," a phrase for "refusing to be moulded". Viewed primarily as a nurturer, the role fixation for a woman is that which showcases qualities of patience, tolerance and a calm (often self-sacrificng acceptance) as opposed to a vocal assertion of what she believes in. It is, therefore, extremely important for a woman to speak up for herself, even at the cost of annoying those close to her. If she does not take up for herself, how does she expect that others will guard her rights? All this works at a covert, subliminal level.

If she does not take up for herself, no one else will. Silence is not golden, it can be lethal if a woman tolerates injustice for the fear of social ridicule or the risk of annoying the family. Finding her voice and learning to verbalise her emotions, and articulate her views, howsoever contrary to those of others around, is extremely important. Often women feel thwarted, keep brooding or mulling over what they would like to say but do not. Even if the family or society do not encourage her, a woman can always break this silence herself and realise that most of her fears were unfounded.

Control is the key
Sagar Sharma

"I do not want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them"

— Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

Emotional empowerment is the ability to have our powers strengthened by emotions for transforming our lives. The process of emotional empowerment involves facing and mastering the experience and expression of negative emotions (such as anger, fear, guilt, shame, pain, loneliness), removing emotional blockages, banishing self-limiting beliefs and self-sabotage; cultivating positive emotions (such as love, happiness, contentment, job and gratitude); instilling self-worth and inspirations; connecting to core issues in life.

The race of continually destroying our present peace of mind for the sake of some future goal breeds discontent, self-doubt, fear and anxiety. We have reasons for our insecurities, anger, resentments and anxieties. We have memories that leave scars. Leaving our emotions unfelt turns them toxic and leaves us disempowered, causing an enormous amount of damage. Anger, if not given a safe outlet, can become a volcanic mass, ready to spurt out any moment. Emotions are a rich source of information that never lie. They tell us when we have been dishonoured, when we have honoured ourselves. The challenge is learning how to be more calm, balanced and centered in whatever situation we are. Surely, it is also our job not to keep acting in a way that reactivates and validates these scars. Through training ourselves to have an occasional quiet mind and body, we can also see our actions that give us a hard time. That is why meditation, yoga, prayer and selfless service (seva) can be empowering. Such interventions teach us to develop a neutral space from which we can see our own contribution to our miseries and self-sabotage of our happiness and health.

With regard to the girl child, the biggest mistake parents make is to limit her. Parents can be facilitators. Shouldn’t emotional empowerment be an integral part of our child's socialisation and learning? Empowered women have less fear of failure; avoid self-blame, possess the ability to figure out healthy strategies for coping with uncomfortable emotions or conflicts in a manner that preserves self-esteem and their relationship with others; can focus more on their cognitive abilities than their external attributes. Remember: We are meant to encourage each other toward empowerment, and not to act as victims with each other.





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