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Deadly diamond
"This is the Klopman diamond," she said. "It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it." "What's the curse?" the man asked. "Mr Klopman." Yes maam Two husbands were discussing their married lives. Although they were happily married, they admitted that there were arguments sometimes. Then the first man said, "I've made one great discovery. I now know how to always have the last word." "Wow!" said the second, "how did you manage that?" "It's easy," he replied. "My last word is always 'Yes, Dear.' " In words of law One day in the Contract Law class, the professor asked one of his better students, "Now if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?" The student replied, "Here's an orange." The professor was livid. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!" the Professor instructed. The student then recited, "Okay, I'd tell him, I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding..." In a soup Mr Gable had a leak in the roof over his dining room, so he called a repairman to take a look at it. "When did you first notice the leak?" the repairman inquired. Mr Gable scowled. "Last night, when it took me two hours to finish my soup!" Religiously driven A teenager, who had just received her learner's licence for driving, offered to drive her parents to church. After a hair-raising ride, they finally reached their destination. "Thank you!" said the mother as she got out of the car and breathed a sigh of relief. "Anytime," her daughter replied. As the mother closed the door she said, "I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to God." Haircut A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get up and leave during the middle of his sermon. The man returned just before the conclusion of the service. Afterwards the pastor asked the man where he had gone. "I went to get a haircut," was the reply. "But," said the pastor, "why didn't you do that before the service?" "Because," the gentleman said, "I didn't need one then." Terms of insurance Mary was discussing various aspects and possible outcome of an insurance policy with the clerk at the insurance agency. During the discussion, she asked. "Suppose I take the life insurance for my husband today for a million dollars, and tomorrow he dies? What will I get?" The clerk eyed her suspiciously and replied, "Probably a life sentence." Happy living An old man was relaxing at his hundredth birthday party when a reporter went up to him. "Sir, what is the secret of your long life?" The man considered this for a moment, then replied, "Every evening at 9 p.m. I have a glass of port. Good for the heart I've heard." The reporter then asked, "That's ALL?" The man smiled, "Well, cancelling my voyage on Titanic sure didn't hurt."
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A businessman boarded a
plane to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the
largest, most stunning diamond ring he had ever seen. He asked her
about it.