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Silly callers
"You must answer the telephone!" he told her irritably. "All right," she replied, "but it seems so silly. Nine times out of ten, it's for you!" Pregnant partners A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand — to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The husband stood up and shrugged saying, "This doesn't feel so bad." The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up. "You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the husband asked. "Exactly," replied the instructor. To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, would you pick up that pen for me?" Mind your language A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks. The two Americans just stare at him. "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. The two continue to stare. "Parlare Italiano?" No response. "Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first American turns to the second and says, "You know, maybe we should learn a foreign language." "Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good." Winsome reply A young couple honeymooning in Las Vegas had been losing badly in the casinos. The groom tells the bride, "I have a hunch that I can turn our luck around if I go down to the casino alone." Once in the casino, he puts a dollar into each of two slot machines. He hit the jackpot on both of them and walked away with $10,000. He then played blackjack for a couple of hours until he had $50,000 in chips. Next, he played poker and upped his winnings to $100,000. He was about to cash in his chips when he got a hunch that his luck hadn't run out. So he took all his money and placed it on Black at the roulette table, hoping to double his money. The ball landed on Double Zero. He returned to his room. His bride asked, "How did you do?" The groom shrugged and said, "I lost two dollars." On a song Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led down to the room in which they would meet their maker. The priest had given them last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said among the participants. The warden, turning to the first man, solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last request?" To which the man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love singing. Could you please allow me to sing my favourite classical song for last time?" "Certainly," replied the warden. He turned to the other man and asked, "Well, what about you, son? What is your final request?" "Please," said the condemned man, "kill me first." Reincarnation "Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied. "Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you."
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The boss was very
exasperated with his new secretary. She ignored the telephone when it
rang.