Webside humour

Crease age 
An 80-year-old couple had just gotten into the bed at night when the husband noticed his wife taking an extra amount of time smoothing out her nightgown, then pulling up the covers and smoothing them out, and then finally going to work smoothing out her pillow. After watching all this activity for a while, he finally asked, “What are you doing?” “Well,” she replied, “I don’t like to sleep on wrinkles.” The husband replied. “At our age, how can you avoid it?” 

Simple logic
An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No."

The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was ‘Why?’

The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."

Same difference
A defendant was asked if he wanted a Bench trial or a jury trial.

"Jury trial," the defendant replied.

"Do you understand the difference?" asked the judge.

"Sure," replied the defendant. "That’s where 12 ignorant people decide my fate instead of one."

Saintly efforts
The cavalryman was galloping down the road, rushing to catch up with his regiment. Suddenly, his horse stumbled and pitched him to the ground. Lying in the dirt with a broken leg, terrified of the approaching enemy, the soldier called out: "All you saints in heaven, help me get up on my horse!"

Then, with superhuman effort, he leaped onto the horse’s back and fell off the other side. Once again on the ground, he called to the heavens: "All right, just half of you try this time!"

Avoid and save
Two deaf men were talking during their coffee break, about being out late the night before. The first man said, "My wife was asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into bed, and not get into trouble."

The second deaf man said, "Boy you’re lucky. My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in bed, and she started yelling at me for being out so late."

The first deaf man asked, "So what did you do?"

"I turned out the light," the second man replied.

Kangaroo act
A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a 10-foot fence. He was still out the next morning, just sauntering around the zoo. A 20-foot fence was put up. Again he got out.

When the fence was 40 feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they’ll go?"

The kangaroo said, "About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night!"

Age-old secret
At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. "No woman," said one man, scornfully, "can keep a secret."

"I don’t know about that," answered a woman guest. "I have kept my age a secret since I was 21."

"You'll let it out some day," the man insisted.

"I hardly think so!" responded the lady. "When a woman has kept a secret for 27 years, she can keep it forever."

Parking
Joe was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defence.

"They should not put up such misleading notices," said Joe.

"It said, FINE FOR PARKING HERE."

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