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Webside humour
The man frowned, thought for a moment, then said, “Ok, what time do you want me to bring her back tomorrow?” Dogged attempt “Vernon, where’s your homework?” Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand. “My dog ate it,” was his solemn response. “Vernon, I’ve been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?” “It’s true, Miss Martin, I swear,” insisted the boy. “I had to force him, but he ate it!”
Red hot A diner was agitated that the waiter had brought him no spoon with his coffee. “This coffee,” he said loud enough for most of the other patrons to hear “is going to be pretty hot to stir with my fingers.” The waiter reddened, made a hasty retreat to the kitchen and returned shortly with another cup of coffee. “This one isn’t so hot, sir,” he beamed.
House broken “This house,” said the real estate salesman, “has both its good points and its bad points. To show you I’m honest, I’m going to tell you about both. “The disadvantages are that there is a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse a block north.” “What are the advantages?” inquired the prospective buyer. “The advantage is that you can always tell which way the wind is blowing.”
Two elderly gents met up on the way to the funeral of one of their longtime buddies. The deceased was thought to have accumulated a huge amount of wealth. On the way to the cemetery, one old fellow asked the other friend, “How much did he leave?” The other old fellow replied, “All of it.”
Doggy eyes A blind man walked into a bar with his helper dog who was also his “seeing eyes”. The blind man picked up the dog and swung it around and around over his head. The bartender runs up and asks, “Man, what the heck you are doing?” The blind man replies, “Just taking a look around.”
The barn at Larry and Susan’s farm burned down, and Susan called the insurance company. Susan: “We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money.” Agent: “Whoa there! Just a minute, Susan, it doesn’t work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of the old barn and provide you with a new one of comparable worth.” Susan, after a pause: “OK. In that case, I’d like to cancel the policy on my husband.”
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A couple was having some trouble with their relationship, so they did the right thing and went to a marriage counsellor. After a few visits, and a lot of questioning and listening, the counsellor said that he had discovered the main problem. He stood up, went over to the woman, asked her to stand, and gave her a hug. He looked at the man and said, “This is what your wife needs, at least once a day!”
