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"What’s wrong?" the friend asked. "You just became a millionaire!" "I know," he groaned. "I can’t imagine why I bought that second ticket!" French fried A boy was having a lot of difficulty in French class. To encourage him, his teacher said, "You’ll know you’re really beginning to get it when you start dreaming in French." The boy ran into class all excited one day, saying, "Teacher, teacher! I had a dream last night and everyone was talking in French!" "Great!" said the teacher; "what were they saying?" "I don’t know," the boy replied; "I couldn’t understand them." Turkish delight A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma’am, they’re dead." A law check A priest, a rabbi, a doctor and a lawyer are gathered at a mutual friend’s graveside to mourn his passing. The priest says to the others, "I think our good friend would have liked to take something with him to his next life." He pulls a $100 bill from his wallet and drops it on the casket. The rabbi agrees, "That’s a fine idea,"" and drops his own $100 bill on the casket. The doctor, not to be outdone, does the same. The lawyer murmurs, "What a wonderful thought," as he gazes down at their friend’s casket. Whipping out his pen, he quickly writes a check for $400, drops it into the grave and takes the three $100 bills as change. Dumb and dumber Watching her mother as she tried on her new fur coat, the young daughter said unhappily, "Mom, do you realise some poor dumb beast suffered so you could have that?" The woman shot her an angry look, "How dare you talk about your father like that!" Alive and kicking A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport. "These hills are getting steeper as the years go by," one complained. "These fairways seem to be getting longer too," said one of the others. "The sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember them too," said the third senior. After hearing enough from his senior buddies, the oldest, and the wisest of the four of them at 87 years old, piped up and said, "Just be thankful we’re still on the right side of the grass!"
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A tightwad was somehow
convinced by a friend to buy a couple of lottery tickets. One of his
tickets won the first prize of 10 million dollars. But after he won
the big prize he didn’t seem happy.